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Illus.: “You Can’t Practice Burying Me”
Shortly after a recent seminary graduate had assumed his first pastorate, he and his wife went to visit his family. His mother sensed that her daughter-in-law was unhappy, but not wishing to interfere, she pretended not to notice. As they were leaving, she heard her daughter-in-law say, “All right, we can go by the church and you can practice baptizing me just one more time. But remember this—when you have your first funeral, you are not going to practice burying me!”
Owen Bourgaize
There’s a story told of a husband and wife both of who were doctors - one a doctor of theology and the other a doctor of medicine. When their doorbell was rung and the maid answered, the inquirer would often ask for "the doctor". The maid’s interesting reply was: "Do you want the one who preaches or the one who practices?" We know the theory of Christian living but what we must do is to practice it!
The story is told about the baptism of King Aengus by St. Patrick in the middle of the fifth century. Sometime during the rite, St. Patrick leaned on his sharp-pointed staff and inadvertently stabbed the king’s foot. After the baptism was over, St. Patrick looked down at all the blood, realized what he had done, and begged the king’s forgiveness.
Why did you suffer this pain in silence, the Saint wanted to know.
The king replied, “I thought it was part of the ritual.”
Knowing the Face of God, Tim Stafford, p. 121ff
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed
all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three
times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted
A Methodist pastor says to a Baptist pastor, “If I immerse somebody just up to his ankles, it that enough?” “No,” answers the Baptist. “How about up to his knees?” “Nope.” “How about up to his shoulders?” “No sir!” “You mean I’ve got to get the water over the top of his head?” “That’s right.” says the baptist. “Good,” says the Methodist. That proves that it’s the top of the head that’s the important part to get wet and that’s what we do—sprinkle the head.
Several years ago one of the Elders of the congregation I preached for baptized a particularly large woman. He was concerned about how he would completely immerse her into the water and decided to explain to her how she could help him. He explained, "Now, when we get down into the water this is what I want you to do. When I say, "I now baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit", I want you to squat as if you were about to sit in a chair." The woman understood the instruction and they went down into the water together. The Elder raised his hand and said, "I now baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy squat!" While most of us chuckled inside a bit we all understood what he really meant.
A woman was attending a membership seminar in a Baptist Church. On the questionnaire she wrote, "I was baptized in High School, but want to be - and she had crossed out the word "reimbursed"and written, "reimmersed."
IT'S NOT THE WATER
Little Betsy had faithfully attended baptism classes. Her mother, wanting to be sure her daughter understood its significance, asked, "Honey, what does baptism mean?"
"Well, it isn't the water that makes you clean ..." she began. Smiling, Mother thought, Yes, she understands.
Then her daughter...
One lady wanted to know what she would feel when she was baptized. Minister didn’t know how to answer, varied responses. When he put her under, her body stiffened and her eyes popped open. The look on her face was a mixture of excitement and surprise. And all he could think was "Hey, Lord, How come I didn’t get that!" As he pulled her up from the water, she put her hand on the back of her head; only then did he realize what had happened. He had moved toward one end of the baptistery, and when he had lowered her into the water, he had smacked the back of her head onto the baptistery steps!
From Jeff Walling
I had a baptism one time in which the dad was going to baptize his 9 yr. old son. He was nervous and I told him, just repeat the words "I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit" and then place him under the water. Well he got in the baptistry, got nervous and then placed the boy under the water. While holding him under the water he then said, "I now baptize you in the name of the Father...... ( you should have seent he boy’s eyes. I’ve never seen anyon so glad to come up out of that water).
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