Divorce is to a family what a lost wing is to an airplane in flight. As the shepherd of your flock, your heart breaks with every report of yet another broken family in your church. You want to do something to reverse this devastating trend, and preaching is your most powerful tool. But how do you approach such a sensitive topic when statistics alone indicate that a significant number of the people in your congregation have been adversely affected by it? The answer is: cautiously, factually, and, above all else, lovingly.
The Bible’s position on divorce is clear; God hates it (the divorce, not the person) because, with rare exception, it breaks down the nuclear family. This, by the way, is not a statement of judgment; it is a statement of empathy. I would venture to say that those who have been through a divorce will say that they, too, hate divorce.
However, because modern culture widely accepts it, the number of cases has risen to an all-time high. The key is not to shame the divorced—it is to influence a reversal to this rising trend by exposing the cause and offering solutions that will help prevent it.Interestingly divorce, in and of itself, it is not a sin. Even the Bible makes provisions for a sanctioned divorce. There are times when a divorce is the right decision. On the other hand, there are times when it is simply used as a way of escaping an otherwise workable situation. In either case, it breaks down the family and brings with it a host of complications and emotional baggage. This brings us back to the reason God hates divorce: first of all, two people He joined together to help each other are now at each other’s throats and soon will be separated. And then there are the precious children, totally innocent yet bearing the emotional turmoil of their family falling apart. Chances are they too will consider divorce one day when their marriage hits a tough spot—because, after all, that’s how Mom and Dad handled it.
We are all familiar with the scripture that says “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce…” (Malachi 2:16 NKJ) but a sermon using this scripture is incomplete unless it answers the question “Why does He hate it?” from a biblical view. The previous verse provides the answer: “He seeks godly offspring” (Malachi 2:15 NKJ). The potential for offense here is huge if not handled properly, because it may imply that divorced people cannot produce godly children. This, of course, is not true. However, the message cannot avoid the fact that divorce has a negative effect on children. First of all, most divorced people could testify at length to the adverse affect their divorce had on their children. Secondly, children need help overcoming the challenges the divorce can create in their development.
So when you preach on this subject, add a balance to this stinging fact by incorporating several encouraging and helpful tips on how to overcome the challenges of raising children after a divorce. Reinforce the fact that their children can turn out just as godly as those not affected by divorce, but the parents will simply have to work a little harder to overcome the negative effects their children suffer as a result. Divorced people know it’s been rough, and their children know it’s been rough. Cut through the awkwardness of the subject and give them the specific and practical help they need.
I faced this challenge at a church I pastored several years ago. I, too, was frustrated by the devastation divorce was causing the people in my congregation. But every time I began to put together a message on the subject, I would second-guess how the divorced people would handle it. So, I conducted a focus group of divorced people in my church to get their honest input.
