Top Five Illustrations for Father's Day

 

Braggin’ ‘Bout Dad

Three boys in the schoolyard were bragging about who had the better father:
The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $100.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $1000.”

The third boy says, “My Dad is ever better than that. He scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes 6 or 8 men just to collect all the money!”

Contributed by: Davon Huss

A Father’s Day Top Ten

Things You’ve Been Itchin’ to Say for Years Now…

#10 Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

#9 Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

#8 Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

#7 “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

#6 Check your oil! Please, check your oil!

#5 Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all past comments become null and void after 7 days.

#4 If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

#3 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

#2 ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

#1 Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we…

Contributed by: Donald Smith

We thought You Said…

The kids had talked Mom into getting a hamster They promised to take care of their pet, whom they named “Danny.”

Within two months, though, Mom was taking care of Danny. One day Mom decided enough was enough; Danny would be given to a new owner. She called the kids together to tell them. One child said, “I’ll miss him. He’s been around here a long time.” The other child remarked, “Maybe he could stay if he ate less and wasn’t so messy.” Mom was firm, “It is time to take Danny to a new home.”

“Danny?” the kids wailed, “We thought you said Daddy.”


SOURCE: Positive Living, Sept/Oct 1995, p 39.

Contributed by:  Tom Doubt

 

A Restful Game

A father had three very active boys.

One summer evening, he was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner.

One of the boys "shot" his father and yelled, "Bang! You’re dead!" He slumped to the ground and when he didn’t get up right away, a neighbor ran over to see if he had been hurt in the fall.

When the neighbor bent over, the overworked father opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don’t give me away. It’s the only chance I’ve had to rest all day."

 

Fatherhood

"So you’ve decided to have a child. You’ve decided to give up quiet evenings with good books & lazy weekends with good music, intimate meals during which you finish whole sentences, sweet private times when you’ve savored the thought that just the two of you & your love are all you will ever need.

"You’ve decided to turn your sofas into trampolines, & to abandon the joys of leisurely contemplating reproductions of great art for the joys of frantically coping with reproductions of yourselves. Why?"

He goes on, "Poets have said the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality; & I must admit I did ask God to give me a son because I wanted someone to carry on the family name. Well, God did just that & I now confess that there have been times I’ve told my son not to reveal who he is. `You make up a name,’ I’ve said. `Just don’t tell anybody whose son you are.’"

SOURCE: Bill Cosby, Fatherhood

Contributed by: Melvin Newland