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One night as my family was preparing for bedtime, my four year old daughter Claire began singing the BIBLE. As she came to the end, she combined another song. Here is what she sang. "I stand alone on the word of God, that’s what it’s all about." By mixing up the BIBLE and the Hokey Pokey, Claire nailed the way that each of us should view God’s word.
Maybe you’ve heard about the preacher who was visiting various classes during the Sunday School Hour to see how they were doing. One Sunday he visited the class of 6th grade boys. They were talking about things in the O.T.
He listened for a while & then asked, “Who knows who knocked down the walls of Jericho?” Two boys answered, “Preacher, we don’t know who, but we sure didn’t do it.”
Surprised by their lack of Bible knowledge, he turned to the teacher & asked, “What do you think of that answer?” The teacher replied, “Well, I’ve known them since they were little, & they’ve always been honest. If they said they didn’t do it, I believe them.”
Dismayed, he went out into the hallway & saw the chairman of the church board. He told him, “I was just in the 6th grade boys’ class & asked who knocked down the walls of Jericho. Two boys held up their hands & said, “We didn’t do it, preacher.” And the teacher told me that if they said they didn’t do it, he believed them.”
The chairman of the board interrupted him & said, “Preacher, let’s not fuss about who did what. We’ll just fix the walls & pay for it out of the General Fund.”
An elderly lady was asleep in her bed one night, when she was awakened by a strange noise from the living room. Cautiously, she walked in and discovered a burglar in the process of stealing the stereo. Overcome with fear, she whispered a desparate prayer, "Help me Jesus!" The burglar heard her and started towards her. Without a thought she put up her hand and shouted a favorite scripture reference: ACTS, 2:38! The burglar immediately froze. The lady dialed 911, and within minutes, police were on the scene, and took the burglar to the police station. As the police were questioning him, one of the detectives said, "I’m curious, you could have ran and got away, why did you stay frozen in that one spot?" The burglar answered, "Man, if you knew that old lady was packing an axe and two .38 revolvers, you would not have moved either!"
A. Todd Coget
Unused Spiritual Resources
During Superbowl XXXVII, FedEx ran a commercial that spoofed the movie Castaway, in which Tom Hanks played a FedEx worker whose company plane went down, stranding him on a desert island for years. Looking like the bedraggled Hanks in the movie, the FedEx employee in the commercial goes up to the door of a suburban home, package in hand.
When the lady comes to the door, he explains that he survived five years on a deserted island, and during that whole time he kept this package in order to deliver it to her. She gives a simple, "Thank you."
But he is curious about what is in the package that he has been protecting for years. He says, "If I may ask, what was in that package after all?"
She opens it and shows him the contents, saying, "Oh, n...
We heard the story of a man who asked for a Gideon Bible …He said the paper is very fine and perfect for rolling his cigarettes. The Gideon gave him the Bible on the condition that he before using the pages that he read them front and back. The man proceeded to smoke his way through Matthew, Mark, Luke and a then came to John and stopped when he read chapter 3:16 – and he gave his heart to the Lord
I heard a seminar speaker say that you always need to let people know an overview of any speech you are about to give. The reason he said, was that people can endure just about anything if they know it will end.
The late Supreme Court Justice Oliver Holmes was on a train when the conductor came through collecting tickets. Holmes couldn’t find his ticket and became rather distraught. The conductor tried to console him by saying, "Mr. Holmes, don’t worry. When you find your ticket, just mail it in. We trust you." Mr. Holmes responded in frustration, "My dear man, that’s not my problem. I need my ticket to tell me where I’m going."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Holmes
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn
is in Leo.
Horologically, it appears to be approximately a
quarter past three.
Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. “
The after a pause, Watson says: “Well, Holmes, What does ...
I was reminded of a story I read once about a mother who would listen with her young children to an instructional program on the radio each morning. She particularly enjoyed the exercise class. One day she tuned in late, only to hear an energetic instructor already urging pupils along at a fast pace: “Up…down…circle round…up…down…circle round…up…down…circle round.” She quickly joined in, only to find that the instructor would continue the pace for quite some time. Finally, when she was just about exhausted, she heard the voice say, “Okay, you can stop now, and everybody put your paintbrushes back in the water jar.”
(Reader’s Digest, date unknown)
When the preacher’s car broke down on a country road, he walked to a nearby roadhouse to use the phone. After calling for a tow truck, he spotted his old friend, Frank, drunk and shabbily dressed at the bar.
“What happened to you, Frank?” asked the good reverend. “You used to be rich.”
Frank told a sad tale of bad investments that had led to his downfall.
“Go home,” the preacher said. “Open your Bible at random, stick your finger on the page and there will be God’s answer.”
Some time later, the preacher bumped into Frank, who was wearing a Gucci suit, sporting a Rolex watch and had just stepped our of a Mercedes.
“Frank.” said the preacher, “I am glad to see things really turned around for you.”
“Yes, preacher, and I owe it all to you,” said Frank. “I opened my Bible, put my finger down on the page and there was the answer—Chapter 11.”
Reader’s Digest, March, 1993, p. 71