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A print-and-save guide to how this outfit really works
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARDleaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Talks with God
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God if special request is approved
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Can fire a speeding bullet
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Is occasionally addressed by God
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury
Swims well
Talks to animals
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a locomotive
Is not issued ammunition
Dog paddles
Talks to walls
Runs into buildings
Recognizes a locomotive two out of three times
Wets himself with a water pistol
Can’t stay afloat without a life preserver
Mumbles to himself
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
She is God
© 2002 John Boy & Billy Inc.

Contributed By:
Norman Lawrence

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The Attorney and the Fisherman
A hard-driving corporate attorney saw a fisherman he knew from church one afternoon, legs dangling off the pier as he helped his two young sons catch crabs. “Why aren’t you out there fishing?” he asked.
“Because I’ve caught enough fish for today.”
“Why don’t you catch more fish than you need?”
“What would I do with them?” asked the fisherman.
“You could earn more money and buy a better boat so you could go deeper and catch more fish. Then you could buy a fleet of boats. Soon you’d be rich ...

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A traveler stopped to observe the curious behavior of a farmer who was plowing his field. A single mule hitched to the plow was wearing blinders, and the farmer was yelling, “Giddyap, Pete! Giddyap, Herb! Giddyap, Ol’ Bill! Giddyap, Jeb!”

After watching the farmer carry on like this for a while, the traveler asked, “Say, mister—how many names does that mule have?” “Just one—his name is Pete.” “Then why do you call out Herb and Bill and—”

“It’s like this,” explained the farmer. “If Ol’ Pete knew he was doing all this work alone, I couldn’t make him do it. But if he thinks he’s got three other mules workin’ along...

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