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¿Desanimarme yo...por qué?
Un niño está viendo su equipo jugar beisbol, el recién llegado le pregunta: ¿Cómo va el juego?, él contesta: Vamos perdiendo 18 a 0. Oh, no te desanimes, le dice el espectador a lo que el niño contesta: ¿Desanimarme yo...por qué? Mi equipo aun no ha ido a batear.
A child is watching his team play baseball. A man walks up and asks, "How is the game?" The child replies, "We're losing 18 to 0." The man tells the child, "Oh, don't be discouraged." But he didn't expect the child's answer: "Why should I be discouraged? My team hasn't been up to bat yet!"
A vicar was retiring after 25 years in the parish. As he came to clear out his bedroom he found a small bowl with 5 eggs and £1,000 pounds in.
Baffled he called his wife and said: Darling, what is this little basket under the bed with five eggs and £1,000 in.
"Oh " she said " I must confess that everytime you preach a bad sermon I put an egg in the basket"
Secretly the vicar was pleased: "Not bad five bad sermons in 25 years" he thought:
"And what about the £1,000?"
"Well every time I get a dozen, I sell them!"
It seems there was a barber in a small local town who had been the only barber in town for years. Everyone went to this barber to get their hair cut. Then, one day a big hair salon franchise came to town and opened up shop. They advertised,
“All Haircuts for $3.00”
Slowly, the barber’s business began to dwindle. He just couldn’t compete. In a last ditch effort to save his business, he hired a business consultant. The consultant spent a day pouring over the barber’s books asking many questions. At the end of the day the barber asked the consultant, “So what do you think ? Should I close up shop ?” The consultant said, “Not yet. I’ll be back tomorrow.” The next day the consultant showed up with a huge banner that he hung in front of the barber shop that said, “We Fix $3.00 Haircuts!”
THE SLEEP SON
A mother watched her son begin to drain of energy as the week went on. By the end of the week he’d lost his desire to get out of bed. She heard the alarm go off through his bedroom door. Apparently he just kept punching the little snooze button on the top. Finally, after 3 or 4 extra rings she walked in and said, ’Son, it’s time to get up.’ He peeked out from under the covers, ’Can you give me a good reason to get up?’ She said, ’Yes. First, it’s Sunday - time for church. Second, you’re 43 ye...
Sermon Central Staff
PASTORAL SEARCH COMMITTEE OF THE FIRST LUKEWARM CHURCH
I was recently contacted by a pulpit committee that was interested in my ministry. I met with Chairman of the Disenchanted, Bro Tepid. He described his church; First Lukewarm Church of the Apathetic. “Nothing too boring, nothing too exciting. We want it to fit into our American Culture Christianity. No songs too slow, no songs too fast. Nothing from the ancient songs and nothing after the 70’s.” Nothing ever challenging. We want encouragement and comfort.”
He sang to me the Churches Theme Song.
“Sitting on the premises of Christ our friend.
Through eternal ages let the service end.
Glutted to the highest we will moan and sing.
Sitting on the premises and dead.
Sitting on the premises, sitting on the premises,
Sitting on the premises of Christ our servant.
Sitting on the premises, sitting on the premises,
We’re sitting on the premises and dead.”
He proudly described the Church as irresolute and uncommitted. He introduced to me the other committee members; Bobby Bored, Connie Cool. He described the great teachings the women received who participated in the Church’s The Women’s Indifference Society. There seemed to be great growth in one class; The Mellow Sunday School Class. They were excited about an upcoming event; The Men’s Worldly and Wise Conference. An upcoming revival was going to be led by The Reverend Marvin Mundane. The church had started the Spiritless Seniors group who were going to focus on traveling to entertainment locations like Branson Missouri and Las Vegas. This would bring the Church back into balance because of the growing the Unresponsive Youth Program.
They were looking for a pastor who could scratch their ears, stir their emotions, help their self-esteem, complement their current spiritual condition and validate their unchanging ministries and priorities. On the bright side, they were going to pay well and the benefits were killer.
The problem? That pig won’t swim.
(From a sermon by Tim White, When Pigs Can’t Swim, 8/22/2011)
A. Todd Coget
In July of 1984 Charles Colson was speaking at a Baptist gathering.
He told of his change from being an Episcopalian to becoming a Baptist.
He had considered a change dictated by his study of Scripture and his developing personal convictions.
But he did not want his change to be offensive to his dear friends who remained Episcopalian.
Not knowing how to approach the issue, he found himself avoiding his friends.
Then one day his fears were put to rest.
He encountered one of his Episcopalian cronies who assured him there was no problem with his change, but only benefit.
His encouragement to Church was, “When you left the Episcopalian Church and joined the Baptist Church, you raised the intellectual level of both groups.”
NEIL ARMSTRONG: GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY
Who is your hero? Who was it as a child you really wanted to be like?
One of my favorite heroes growing up was Neil Armstrong. The first man to step on the moon who uttered those famous words, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind". What you might not know is that Neil actually said, "One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind" The "a" got lost in radio interference.
However even stranger is a story that snopes says is false but others think might be true but all agree however is comical. The story is about what was supposedly said by Neil shortly after this when the radio broadcast going to the public was stopped. Neil spoke the words, "Good luck Mr. Gorsky." The people at Mission Control thought Neil was talking about some Russian Cosmonaut that he was wishing luck in getting to the moon since he just won the space race. However Mission Control could find no such Cosmonaut by that name.
Later when Neil returned to earth he was asked about that statement during his debriefing but managed to allude the question. The word got about that statement and curiosity caused everyone for years to ask Neil about the statement but he never would tell what he was talking about. Then finally some years ago a reporter brought the question back up to Neil, and Neil shared this story.
He said as a child him and his friends played baseball in his yard. Occasional during the game someone would knock the ball over the fence into Mr. Gorsky's yard where they always dreaded going and getting the ball because Mr. Gorsky could be mean. One day Neil knocked it over the fence and it was his turn to retrieve the ball. He said as crept through the yard stealthily who could hear Mr and Mrs. Gorsky arguing about something. Neil said he thought this was his chance to get the ball and get back over the fence while they were distracted and before they ever noticed he was there.
However, Neil said just as he was reaching down for the ball he heard Mrs. Gorsky saying, "You want me to be a more understanding about you playing golf all the time, I'll tell you what, I will be more understanding about you playing golf all day when that boy right there walks on the moon."
And today I want you to know just as it may have seemed impossible for the young Neil to ever walk on the moon your situation whatever it is might seem impossible with man but Remember with God all things are Possible!
Don't Save It For The Funeral
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: There, spread out on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it merely one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. His aged and withered hand made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when his wife suddenly smacked it with a spatula.
"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral."
She's not the only person to save something for a funeral that should have been shared long before. It often seems a shame that flowers are sent at a funeral rather than beforehand whe...
USE WHAT IS THERE
My son Omri is large, extremely smart and very active. He has not met a tree or roof that he has not at least mentally pondered climbing. Omri's teacher runs up to me the other day and says, "Your son almost made me lose my mind, my religion and my job." This is not unusual, so I listen as she is animated, jumping around telling her story:
"We were preparing for his Map Test (Measures of Academic Progress by NAWA), and we had been hyping the kids all day and week with the importance of doing well on the test, and Omri has been saying all day how well he wanted to do on the test. Well, we come in from lunch, and I grab Omri, my best student, and get him started on the test on the computer.
"He comes to the first question, which says "Take the P off of Pat and replace it with a (C) sound and select the picture." The little pictures make sound when you mash them. Several times he looked at "Cat" right in the middle and refused to mash the button. He was just sitting there ten to fourteen minutes. At that point I was pulling my hair out, asking myself, 'Did I not explain this test to my students? Lord, have I done something wrong? I mean, this is one of my best students and he is frozen. Am I a good teacher? Am I a good person?'"
She gives up and some would say even breaks the rules of this Testing system to ask Omri, "Are you all right?"
"Yes!" he replies.
He says, "I'm looking for the K. I know that the (C) sound is made by K, C, and QU, but since this is such an important test I want to use K. It's taller."
And at this point, she gave my son the same commendation that God gave Jeremiah and I am giving you. She said, "Use what is there!" He goes on to finish the test with a 100 score, her first since giving the test.
Sermon Central Staff
A young couple, very much in love, were getting married in church. However, the bride was very nervous about the big occasion and so the preacher chose one verse that he felt would be a great encouragement to them. The verse was 1 John 4:18 which says: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear."
The preacher asked the best man to read it during the ceremony. The preacher did not know the best man was not a regular churchgoer and did not know the difference between the Gospel of John and the First Letter of John.
During the service the best man introduced the reading by saying that the preacher felt this was a very good verse for the bride and that he would say more about it later in the service and then read John 4:18, which says:
"The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband."
The preacher wanted to encourage the couple. His attempt went very wrong.
(From a sermon by Davon Huss, I Am Bound for the Promised Land, 2/21/2011)