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A man and his wife were shopping at a mall and a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. The manís eyes followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, his wife asked, "Was it worth the trouble youíre in?"
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A JEALOUS WIFE
A man worked in an office with several attractive ladies. His wife, constantly jealous, had a list of questions ready every day. Then she would examine his coat. If she found a blond hair she would accuse, "Youíre having an affair with a blond woman." If she found a red hair, black hair, brown hair the accusations would come.
Finally, the man bought a lint brush and kept it in the car. After looking his coat over and finding nothing, he expected a smile. Instead, she begin to bawl. "Whatís wrong honey?" he asked.
"Donít touch me," she screamed. "Now youíre having an affair with a bald woman!"
(From a sermon by Larry Wilson, Husbands L-O-V-E, 9/1/2011)
A husband was told by the marriage counselor to try and be more considerate of his wife. One day he comes home from work. Heís dressed up in a suit, he has cologne on, and he has a bouquet of flowers and a box of candy in his hands. He rings the doorbell and heís standing there as she opens the door. He holds out the flowers and the box of candy.
The wife opens the door takes one look at he standing there and starts crying. In between her sobs she says, "Oh, I canít believ...
Children & Marriage
ďNo person really decides before they grow up who theyíre going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who youíre stuck with.Ē
Kirsten, age 10
ďYou got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.Ē
Alan, age 10
When asked to give the right age to get married, six-year-old Freddie said,
ďNo age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.Ē
Freddie, age 6
In answering the age-old question about whether it is better to be single or married,
ďItís better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need ...
THE PARABLE OF THE FIG TREE
6 "Then Jesus told this story: 'A man planted a fig tree in his garden and came again and again to see if there was any fruit on it, but he was always disappointed. 7 Finally, he said to his gardener, 'Iíve waited three years, and there hasnít been a single fig! Cut it down. Itís just taking up space in the garden.'
8 "The gardener answered, 'Sir, give it one more chance. Leave it another year, and Iíll give it special attention and plenty of fertilizer. 9 If we get figs next year, fine. If not, then you can cut it down.'" Luke 13:6-9 NLT
Jesus tells a parable of the fig tree and its inability to produce fruit. Apparently, the gardener came back again and again to see if fruit was growing on the tree.
Unfortunately, there was none. Obviously, this story is symbolic of God coming to look for fruit to receive from His people. Jesus probably says this story in reference to Godís own people Israel whom He had given special attention to, but was not producing the fruit that He sought.
What kind of fruit does God look for from me? I assume He looks for the fruit of the Spirit in the life of the believer; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control (Galatians 5:22-23). It is both encouraging and troublesome to note that although the gardener in the story sought fruit from the tree, he did also give it, "special attention and plenty of fertilizer." I like receiving special attention from God. That sounds, well, special. To hear that the master Himself will give me special attention in helping me produce the fruit of the Spirit that He wants from me is very comforting and encouraging.
The troublesome part is what else He gives the tree in order to produce fruit. He gave it, "plenty of fertilizer." I often feel that I have plenty of fertilizer in my life, and I donít find that all too encouraging. After all, what did they use as fertilizer in Jesusí day? The same thing they use today. Manure. Poop.
I guess it just goes to show that God literally uses poop to bring out the fruit. Maybe I need to redefine those times when I feel like I am surrounded by poop. Perhaps I need to recognize that it is specifically in those times that I am actually receiving special attention from God Himself. Could it be that God is actually using that poop to refine me and draw out fruit from my life? I have a tendency to reject the poop in my life. I donít like the smell of it. I donít like the situation. I donít like being surrounded by poop! It doesnít matter if it is yours, mine, or anyone elseís! But what i...