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THE AGE BAROMETER
Change is a fact of life. The older you are the more change you’ve seen. This morning I have a test called "The Age Barometer". By taking this simple test you can determine how old you really are.
Give yourself one point for each item you remember:
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax, Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Drink machines that dispensed from the top
5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive-6933)
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S & H Green Stamps
17. Metal ice trays with levers,
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulbs
20. Beanie and Cecil
21. Roller Skate keys
22. Cork popguns
25. Washtub wringers
0 -5 = You’re still young.
6 -10 = You’re getting older.
11 -15 = Don’t tell your age.
16 - 25 = You’re older than dirt!
Already, get ready to play the "Blame Game":
You are driving 100 mph in a 45 mph zone, you lose control, flip your car on a sharp curve, and critically injure yourself, who is at fault? No, not you, the Dept. of Transportation for not making the degree of banking on the curve great enough to keep you on the road at 100 mph.
You are going 75 mph in a 55 mph, and you are pulled over, given a ticket that gives you enough points to have your license suspended. Who is to blame? No, not you. The officer should have been a little more sympathetic to your situation.
You are wearing a shirt that needs to be ironed. Instead of taking it off, you try to iron with it on and guess what? That’s right, you get burned. Shame on you right? No, it is the company who made the iron who deserves blame because they should have warned you that ironing clothes while they are on your body is dangerous.
You pull through McDonalds for some hot, yes hot coffee. While trying to drive your car, eat your Egg McMuffun, you spill your hot, yes hot coffee all over yourself. You moron right? No, it is McDonalds fault for making that coffee too hot!
OK, one more. You decide that you need to fix the electrical component in your TV. Without unplugging it, you begin your work. Uh Oh! You guessed it. You get fried! Dumb you right? No, RCA should have told you that you were at risk for electric shock!
Bob Russell who preaches in Louisville was raised on a farm in Pennsylvania and he tells the story of his first youth minister who was a city-boy. Now his youth group was made up mostly of kids from the farm so they didn’t think they would have much in common with this city slicker and so weren’t much ready to listen to him. The entire youth group was at Bob’s one Saturday and it came time to milk the cows. This youth minister said, "Can I go down to the barn with you and see what is all about?" Bob said, "Sure," and Harry Orn, the new minister, headed with the others to the barn. What the youth group didn’t know was that Harry had worked each summer on his grandfather’s dairy farm. Well, Harry watched the milking for a little bit and then sheepishly said, "Could I try that?" Bob said, they welcomed the idea because they knew that it would be good for a laugh. So he sat down tentatively on the stool and he grabbed the cow in the appropriate place and 2 or 3 of the boys leaned way over to get a good laugh when this city slicker couldn’t get any milk out of the cow. And Bob says, "he suddenly turned that cow’s spicket right up at us and squirted us right across the face." Everybody thought it was hilarious. And you know what? He was an instant hit. Well, Bob says, maybe not instant, it took a couple of minutes, but Harry Orn was able to fit right in with the kids and had a great ministry. Listen, God can use any talent that you have, even milking cows.
SO FAR BEHIND
The cartoon character Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes once said, “God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I’m so far behind I’ll never die.”
SOURCE: Matthew Rogers in "Making...
D. Greg Ebie
ILLUSTRATION: In the “Peanuts” comic strip Charlie Brown tells Linus, “My grandpa and grandma have been married for 50 years.” Linus says, “They’re lucky aren’t they.” But Charlie brown responds saying, “Grandma says it isn’t luck—it’s skill.” Now that Susie and I have celebrated 25 years of marriage I must agree. Together we have enjoyed the pleasure of our marriage relationship but with pleasure comes responsibility.
A 3 year-old girl named Charlotte received a certificate of achievement following her last swimming class. When her dad came home from work that evening, the mom handed him the cherished award and said to the little girl, “Charlotte, would you like to tell your daddy what this is?” Charlotte thought for a moment. With excitement in her proudest, most confident voice she exclaimed, “Oh, Daddy, this is my terrificate!”
A Tourist visiting Italy came upon a construction site.
“What are you doing?” he asked the three stone masons.
“I’m cutting the stone,” answered the first.
“I’m cutting the stone for 1000 lire a day,” said the second.
“I’m helping to build a cathedral,” said the third. (from Bucket of Suprises)
Steven Simala Grant
20 SIGNS THAT YOU'RE GETTING OLD
1. You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
2. Your back goes out more often than you do.
3. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
4. You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck.
5. You’re proud of your lawn mower.
6. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
7. You sing along with the elevator music.
8. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
9. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
10. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
11. People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
12. You answer a question with, "Because I said so."
13. The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.
14. You take a metal detector to the beach.
15. You know what the word "equity" means.
ILL. A few years ago, Bill Cosby began his book, "Fatherhood," with these words: "So you’ve decided to have a child. You’ve decided to give up quiet evenings with good books & lazy weekends with good music, intimate meals during which you finish whole sentences, sweet private times when you’ve savored the thought that just the two of you & your love are all you will ever need.
"You’ve decided to turn your sofas into trampolines, & to abandon the joys of leisurely contemplating reproductions of great art for the joys of frantically coping with reproductions of yourselves. Why?"
He goes on, "Poets have said the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality; & I must admit I did ask God to give me a son because I wanted someone to carry on the family name. Well, God did just that & I now confess that there have been times I’ve told my son not to reveal who he is. `You make up a name,’ I’ve said. `Just don’t tell anybody whose son you are.’"
A New York City businessman decided to avoid a $20 service charge by replacing a fluorescent light himself. After he had smuggled a new light into his office and put it in place, he decided to get rid of the old tube by throwing it in the trash can near his subway stop. That night he got on the subway holding the seven-foot light vertically, with one end resting on the floor of the car. As the train became more crowded other passengers took hold of the tube, assuming it was a grab bar. By the time the man reached his stop, he simply removed his hand and exited the car, leaving the other passengers gripping the fluorescent tube! (from www.higherpraise.org)