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If you ever happen to listen to Positive 89.3 on Saturday nights, you know that Joe Polek and I often enjoy sharing humorous stories from the news between the songs that we play. If you listened last night, you would have heard us talking about a variety of mistranslations with humorous results. We got started on mistranslations because I had found a news article about a recent tourism publication from the City of Jerusalem. Boldly proclaimed on the front of the brochure were these words: “Jerusalem! There is no such city!” Tens of thousands of copies had been distributed before the mistake was realized—the correct translation? “Jerusalem--there’s no city like it!”
Some of my other favorite mistranslations include:
• A warning to motorists in Tokyo: "When a passenger of the foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet at him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor."
• In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel toweles please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.
• In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists".
• When translated into Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin’ good" came out as "eat your fingers off".
• Denmark: in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions
• Apparently skiers (and their ski-boots) were making lots of noise after hours in this Austrian hotel, so they posted this sign: "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
• in a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily
• Serbia: in a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
I don’t know about you, but I think I’ll pass on that elevator—United States comes pretty late in the alphabet, so I’m not sure I’d ever get to my “wishing floor!”
ASK JONAH!
A new believer was on a plane with an intellectual (a man educated beyond his intelligence). He sneered at her reading the Bible and asked if she believed it?
"Yes."
"Jonah and the whale story?" (A great fish)
"Yes."
"How did it happen?"
"Don't know, but I'll find out when I get to heaven."
"What if Jonah isn't there?"
"Then I guess you'll have to ask him for me."
Source: Galaxie Software. (2002; 2002). 10,000 Sermon Illustrations. Biblical Studies Press.
THE FIRST SENTENCE
Paul Harvey once told about a group of scientists who were determined to teach a chimpanzee to write. For fourteen years, the scientists labored diligently and patiently with this chimpanzee, providing things in its cage to enable it to form certain syllables. Finally the day arrived when it seemed that the chimpanzee was actually going to construct a sentence from the symbols it had been learning. Word went out, and other scientists crowded into the room and gathered around the cage. The scientists could hardly contain themselves as they pressed around the cage to read the history-making sentence. This is what the chimpanzee wrote: "Let me out!"
(From a sermon by Jimmy Haile, Called to Liberty! 6/30/2011)
A preacher once told of his church taking out the towel dispensers from their bathrooms and installing electric dryers in their place. He said that someone had taped a note on one of the blow dryers which said, “Please press ...
FINDING PERSPECTIVE
It’s something like what Coach John McKay of USC said to his team after they had been humiliated 51-0 by Notre Dame. McKay came into the locker room and saw a group of beaten worn-out and thoroughly depressed young football players who were not accustomed to losing. He stood up on a bench and said, "Men, let’s keep this in perspective. There are 800 million Chinese who don’t even know this game was played." That’s what you call perspective.
SOURCE: Steve Farrar, "Family Survival in the American Jungle," 1991, Multnomah Press, p. 40.
Illus.: Four Preachers Confess
Four preachers met for a friendly gathering. During the conversation one preacher said, “Our people come to us and pour out their hears, confess certain sins and needs. Let’s do the same. Confession is good for the soul.” In due time all agree. One of them said that he had a problem with losing his temper on occasion. The second confessed to liking to smoke cigars and the third one confessed to liking golf so much that he would fake being sick so he could play on weekends.. When it came to the fourth one, he wouldn’t confess. The others pressed him saying, “Come now, we confessed ours. What is your secret or vice?” Finally he answered, “It is gossiping and I can hardly wait to get out of here.”
Winston Churchill was once asked, "Doesn’t it thrill you to know that every time you make a speech, the hall is packed to overflowing?" "It’s quite flattering," replied Sir Winston. "But whenever I feel that way, I always remember that if instead of making a political speech I was being hanged, the crowd would be twice as big." Norman McGowan, My Years With Winston Churchill, Souvenir Press, London
Just in case you might think that I’m making this up, I want you to know that this really did happen to me and that it is a TRUE STORY.....
I was recently browsing through the latest issue of Children’s Ministry magazine (back to front, an odd habit that I picked-up from my husband) and came across an interesting statistic. The magazine quoted that "chocolate bunnies should be eaten ears first, according to 74% of American children." Observing that I too have a politically correct, but very fashion conscious 8 11/12 year old daughter in my midst, I decided to put their "fact" to the test. So, I asked Claire which part of a chocolate bunny she thought should be eaten first? She pondered for a mere nanosecond and replied that the head should be eaten first. Okay, I thought, this is close , but not the same as eating the ears specifically. So I pressed the issue. "Which part of the head?" I asked. Without missing a beat, she replied "the mouth." Perplexed, I inquired as to why the mouth should be eaten...
If God had Voice Mail
Most of us have now learned to live with "voice mail" as a necessary
part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be
like if God decided to install voice mail?
Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling Heaven.
For English, Press 1.
For Spanish, press 2.
For all other languages, press 0.
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests.
Press 2 for Thanksgiving.
Press 3 for Complaints.
Press 4 for all other inquiries.
I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners
right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and we will answer
it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1.
Jesus, press 2
Holy Spirit, press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding,
press 4.
To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5,then
enter his or her social security number, followed by the "pound" sign.
(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and try again.
For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the
numbers 3-1-6.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth,
life on other planets, and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait until you arrive.
Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang up
and try again tomorrow.
The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.
Please pray again on Monday after 9:30am.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance,please
contact your local pastor.
Thank you, and have a heavenly day.
I dreamed one night that an angel was talking to me. The angel spoke words of comfort all through the night. I awoke the next morning to find a lump under my pillow. It was a small stuffed "angel" bear that had fallen off the headboard of the bed. When you press its paw it says, "I’m your guardian angel, I’m your special friend." So now you know the rest of the story, for everytime I turned my head it was speaking to me. That’s no joke!
