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An elderly lady was asleep in her bed one night, when she was awakened by a strange noise from the living room. Cautiously, she walked in and discovered a burglar in the process of stealing the stereo. Overcome with fear, she whispered a desparate prayer, "Help me Jesus!" The burglar heard her and started towards her. Without a thought she put up her hand and shouted a favorite scripture reference: ACTS, 2:38! The burglar immediately froze. The lady dialed 911, and within minutes, police were on the scene, and took the burglar to the police station. As the police were questioning him, one of the detectives said, "I’m curious, you could have ran and got away, why did you stay frozen in that one spot?" The burglar answered, "Man, if you knew that old lady was packing an axe and two .38 revolvers, you would not have moved either!"
Brian Matherlee
The Bible tells us to be prepared to give a defense in all things so I searched for some Scriptures that could help in some touch situations you might encounter over the next several weeks:
When your wife asks you to help with the decorations
—John 2:4, “Dear woman, why do you involve me?”
When people ask why you haven’t given them anything
--Matthew 6:32, “The pagans run after all these things.”
—I Corinthians 14:1 “Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts.”
Children, when your parents tell you to wash your hands, Matthew 15:20, maybe I shouldn’t use this one.
When you don’t like something that is served
—Job 6:7, “I refuse to touch it, such food makes me ill.”
When you want the last piece of dessert that someone else has taken
—Luke 3:11, “The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same.”
Ladies, when all the men are sitting around doing nothing but watching football
--Proverbs 6:9, “How long will you lie there, you sluggard?”
And finally, for those guests who don’t seem to know when it is time to go
--1 Samuel 29:10, “Now get up early, along with your master’s servants who have come with you, and leave in the morning as soon as it is light.”
Jesus In an Age of Higher Learning
Simon Peter answered, “Lord you are the Messianic parousia, the pre-existent Logos, the eschatological anticipation of the cosmos, the epistemological problem of the ages, the Christological manifestation, and the antitheses of the Adamic quandary.
I Cor. 1:18-19 (Cottonpatch Translation)
As the scriptures say, I will tear to bits the dissertations of the PhDs I will pull the rug out from under those who have all of the answers. Then what becomes of the bright boys and what does this do to the eggheads? Where does the worldly-wise wind up? So while the church people are always demanding some miraculous display and the scientist are looking for intellectual answers we go right ahead proclaiming Jesus Christ.
Then Jesus answered and said to him, “Who?”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Holmes
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn
is in Leo.
Horologically, it appears to be approximately a
quarter past three.
Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. “
The after a pause, Watson says: “Well, Holmes, What does ...
Jean Frederick Oberlin, a minister in 18th century Germany, was traveling by foot in winter when he was caught in a severe snowstorm. He soon lost his way in the blowing snow and feared he would freeze to death. In despair he sat down, not knowing which way to turn. Just then, a man came along in a wagon and rescued Oberlin. He took him to the next village and made sure he would be cared for.
As the man prepared to journey on, Oberlin said, “Tell me your name so that I may at least have you in grateful remembrance before God.”
The man, who by now had recognized Oberlin, replied, “You are a minister. Please tell me the name of the Good Samaritan.”
Oberlin said, “I cannot do that, for it is not given in the Scriptures.”
His benefactor responded, “Until you can tell me his name, please permit me to withhold mine.”
Source unknown
I’m Not Growing Old
They say that I am growing old
I’ve heard them say it times untold
In language plain and bold
But I’m not growing old
This frail old shell in which I dwell
Is growing old I know full well
But I’m not growing old.
What if my hair has turned gray
Gray hair is honorable, they say
What if my eye sight’s growing dim
I can still see to follow Him
Who sacrificed His life for me
There on the cross of Calvary
Why should I care if time’s old plow
Has dug some furrows in my brow.
Another house not made with hand
Awaits me in the glory land.
My hearing may not be as keen
As in the past, it may have been
Still I can hear my Savior say
Come faltering child, this is the way.
The outward man, do what I can
To lengthen out this life’s short span
Shall perish and return to dust
As everything in nature must.
But the inward man the Scriptures say
Ah, the inward man
Is growing stronger every day.
Then how can I be growing old?
I’m safe within the Saviour’s fold
‘Er long my soul shall fly away
And leave this tenement of clay
This robe of flesh I’ll drop and rise
To seize the everlasting prize
I’ll meet you on the streets of gold
And prove that I’m not growing old.
- John E. Roberts
A. Todd Coget
Colson’s Change
In July of 1984 Charles Colson was speaking at a Baptist gathering.
He told of his change from being an Episcopalian to becoming a Baptist.
He had considered a change dictated by his study of Scripture and his developing personal convictions.
But he did not want his change to be offensive to his dear friends who remained Episcopalian.
Not knowing how to approach the issue, he found himself avoiding his friends.
Then one day his fears were put to rest.
He encountered one of his Episcopalian cronies who assured him there was no problem with his change, but only benefit.
His encouragement to Church was, “When you left the Episcopalian Church and joined the Baptist Church, you raised the intellectual level of both groups.”
There were very few of these
Here’s a fun exercise for you to do when you have time. Use your concordance and find all of the scriptures from Acts to Revelation in which you find the word “together” and see what early Christians did “together.” Here’s a sampling: Meeting together. Praying together. Sharing material thi...
There was another man who earnestly tried to make the scriptures come to life. No, I am not talking about a nativity scene with live animals like my friends church. He chose a passage that many in this room know from the book of Isaiah. It says in 11:6,
The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them.
He finally got a wolf and lamb and put them in the backyard to begin this scripture’s visual presentation. The problem he lamented was that he had to throw a new lamb in the backyard each day. Peace in this world is to the point that the lion or wolf will lay with the lamb.
Illustration: One Sunday morning, a Pastor was sharing a “Children’s sermon” with the children of the church. He was talking to them about the importance of loving one another and getting along with one another. He used the passage of scripture that I just read to explain to the children that God wants us all to be one. After he told them this, a three-year-old girl who always listened very carefully to the Pastor’s children’s sermon, and usually had something to add to it, raised her hand and said, “BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE ONE. I WANT TO BE FOUR!”
