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Illustration results for Second Coming

Contributed By:
Mark  Beaird
 
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SUCKED IN, WASHED UP, AND BLOWN OVER

Chippie the parakeet never saw it coming. One second he was peacefully perched in his cage. The next he was sucked in, washed up, and blown over.

The problems began when Chippie’s owner decided to clean Chippie’s cage with a vacuum cleaner. She removed the attachment from the end of the hose and stuck it in the cage. The phone rang, and she turned to pick it up. She’d barely said "hello" when "ssssopp!" Chippie got sucked in.
The bird owner gasped, put down the phone, turned off the vacuum, and opened the bag. There was Chippie -- still alive, but stunned.

Since the bird was covered with dust and soot, she grabbed him and raced to the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and held Chippie under the running water. Then, realizing that Chippie was soaked and shivering, she did what any compassionate bird owner would do . . . she reached for the hair dryer and blasted the pet with hot air.

Poor Chippie never knew what hit him.

A few days after the trauma, the reporter who’d initially written about the event contacted Chippie’s owner to see how the bird was recovering. "Well," she replied, "Chippie doesn’t sing much anymore -- he just sits and stares."
It’s hard not to see why. Sucked in, washed up, and blown over . . . That’s enough to steal the song from the stoutest heart.

SOURCE: Max Lucado, In the Eye of the Storm, Word Publishing, 1991, p. 11.

Contributed by: Mark Beaird

 
Contributed By:
MELVIN NEWLAND
 
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ILL. Let me read a part of the list that several housewives compiled. They wrote that they were especially thankful:
"For automatic dishwashers because they make it possible for us to get out of the kitchen before the family comes back in for their after-dinner snacks.
"For husbands who attack small repair jobs around the house because they usually make them big enough to call in the professionals.
"For children who put away their things & clean up after themselves. They’re such a joy you hate to see them go home to their own parents
"For teenagers because they give parents an opportunity to learn a second language.
"For Smoke alarms because they let you know when the turkey’s done.
APPL. Now our list might not be the same as theirs, but I’m convinced that if we began to make a list, we would find that we have much more for which to be thankful than just our material possessions.

 
Contributed By:
Ed Vasicek
 
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After an evening out, some parents returned home to their children, whom they had left with the baby sitter. They were pleasantly surprised to find the kids fast asleep. When the sitter had been paid—just as she was walking out the door—she communicated this detail: "Oops—almost forgot to tell you. I promised Sammy that if he would stay in bed, you would get him a pony in the morning."

 
Contributed By:
MELVIN NEWLAND
 
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A man flew into Chicago & hired a taxi to take him downtown. As he was riding along they came to a red light & the driver went right on through the red light.

The man said, "Hey, the light was red. You’re supposed to stop." The driver said, "Yeah, I know, but my brother does it all the time."

Soon they came to a second red light & again he went right straight through. The passenger said, "You’re going to get us killed. That light was red. Why didn’t you stop?"

The driver said, "Don’t worry about it. My brother does it all the time."

Then they came to a green light & he stopped. The man said, "The light is green. Now is the time to go. Why don’t you go on through?"

The driver answered, "I know it’s g...

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Contributed By:
Steve Malone
 
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I’ve always liked the story of the 3 old widows who lived together. One sister got up to go to bed, half way up the stairs she stopped and asked "was I going up or was I coming down"
One sister replied with hint of aggravation, "you were going up to bed."

A second sister headed into the kitchen to make herself a sandwich. Once in the kitchen she hollered back to her sister who was still down stairs; "what did I come in here for"

The sister responded again with a trace of irritation, "you went in to make yourself a sandwich" after which she said; "I’m so glad I am not as forgetful as the both of you are" as she knock on the end table.

And then she got up and walked over to the door and said "Who is it?"

Yes, we are a forgetful people. And from my vast experience I have concluded that forgetfulness is not a respecter of age. And there fore we come up with all kinds of ways to help us remember; (string around finger; post it notes, day planners, memory courses). And most of us do need a little help to remember.

 
Contributed By:
Robert Rust
 
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HELL FREEZES OVER

A rough and gruff man from Massachusetts who didn’t live a very good life died and went to hell. The devil really wanted to punish him, so he put him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. To make it worse he cranked up the temperature and the humidity.

After a couple of days the Devil checked in on the man to see if he was suffering adequately. The Devil was aghast as he looked at the man from Massachusetts happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.

The Devil walked up to him and said, “I don’t understand this. I’ve turned the heat way up, it’s humid, you’re crushing rocks and sweating. Why are you so happy?” The man smiled, looked at the Devil and said, “This is great, it reminds me of the hot humid August days back in Massachusetts. This is fantastic! It’s just like home”

The Devil decided to change things a bit. He dropped the temperature, sent down driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, hell was a wet, muddy mess. The man from Massachusetts was happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.

Again, the Devil asked how this man could be so happy in such conditions. The man replied, “This is great. Just like April back in Massachusetts. It reminds me of working out in the fields doing the spring planting!

The Devil was completely baffled. In desperation, he tried one last ditch effort. He made the temperature plummet. Hell was blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this has done it, the Devil checked in on the man. He couldn’t believe his eyes as he saw the man dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer in glee. “How can you be so happy. Don’t you realize its 40 below zero!?” screamed the Devil.

“Hell’s frozen over!” replied the man from Massachusetts, “The Patriots have won the Superbowl!”

 
Contributed By:
Martin Dale
 
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Story: Dr. Ian Paisley, the fiery Irish cleric and politician was reputed to have been preaching one Sunday on the End Times - and in particular on the Day of Judgement.

As he reached the climax of his address he said that on the Day of Judgement "there would be wailing and gnashing of teeth".

At which point an old woman put up her hand and said "Dr. Paisley, I have no teeth"

Paisley replied "Madam, teeth will be provided"

 
Contributed By:
Robert Leroe
 
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A Sunday School was putting on a Christmas pageant which included the story of Mary and Joseph coming to the inn. One boy wanted so very much to be Joseph, but when the parts were handed out, a boy he didn’t like was given that part, and he was assigned to be the inn-keeper instead. He was pretty upset about this but he didn’t say anything to the director.

During all the rehearsals he thought what he might do the night of performance to get even with this rival who got to be Joseph. Finally, the night of the performance, Mary and Joseph came walking across the stage. They knocked on the door of the inn, and the inn-keeper opened the door and asked them gruffly what they wanted.

Joseph answered, "We’d like to have a room for the night." Suddenly the inn-keeper threw the door open wide and said, "Great, come on in and I’ll give you the best room in the house!"

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Contributed By:
Michael Cassara
 
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The scene is a four engine jet liner. The pilot’s voice comes on the intercom: "Those of you on the left side of the plane have probably noticed that one of our engines has failed. Please do not be alarmed. We can still fly on three engines, but we will probably arrive about 15 minutes late." A few minutes later, the pilot’s calm voice came on again: "Those of you on the right side of the plane are probably aware that a second engine has failed. Please do not be alarmed. We can make it on two engines, though we will probably be at least 30 minutes late now." A few minutes later the pilot spoke to the passengers again: "It has just come to my attention that a third engine has failed. Please do not be alarmed. We can make it to the airport on only one engine. However, we will arrive approximately 45 minutes late." One passenger turned to another and said, "Boy, I hope that fourth engine doesn’t fail, or we could be up here all night!"

 
Contributed By:
Tylor Cates
 
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Receiving Signal

Prop: A cell phone

In our church we have a 5-minute kid story in the big church before we take the kids over to the Junior Church so I’ll tell you how I did it and you can adapt it to your needs.

Good morning boys and girls today I’m going to teach you an important lesson. (I had someone in the back waiting to hear me say that and than they called me I just filled in with stuff until the phone rang and acted embarrassed that my phone was going off in church.) Ring, Ring! Oh I’m sorry boys and girls hold on one second. Hello, Hey boys and girls you’ll never guess who it is. It’s God. I’m sorry God you’re not coming in clearly. Oh you can help me get better signal. How’s that? Read the Bible. Okay I’ve got that. (Pick up bible and put it close to you.) Listen to my Sunday School Teacher. (I got my Sunday school teacher to come up and got him close to me.) What else? Listen to my parents. (Since they don’t go to church I told the kids we would pick out some people to be my parents just for today and I did and got them close to me.) Is there anything else? My Pastor. (I got my pastor to come down and stand next to me.) That’s great your coming in crystal clear is there any more advice? Oh if we don’t have your son inside of us none of that other stuff can even help because you’re son is the connection between you and us. Well God that’s been great. Oh you have to go. Okay. Boys and girls let’s tell God we love Him before He goes. (All the children say we love you.)

Now boys and girls does God really call you on your cell phone? (NO) But boys and girls God speaks to us thru something called the Holy Spirit and all of those things we talked about will help us hear God clearer because sometimes we can bring things between us and God. Let’s pray.

 
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