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A young lady was sunbathing on the beach when a little boy in his swimming trunks, carrying a towel, came up to her and asked her, "Do you believe in God?"
She was surprised by the question but she replied, "Why, yes, I do."
Then he asked her: "Do you go to church every Sunday?"
Again, her answer was "Yes!"
He then asked: "Do you read your Bible and pray every day?"
Again she said, "Yes!" By now her curiosity was very much aroused.
The little lad sighed with relief and said, "Will you hold my money while I go swimming?"
Donnie Martin
Psalms 53:1-53:3
Psalms 53:1-53:4
1 Peter 4:10-4:10
John 6:1-6:21
John 6:1-6:9
James 3:13-4:8
John 8:31-8:38
Luke 10:25-10:37
Proverbs 3:1-3:8
Matthew 6:1-7:1
1 Peter 4:1-4:11
Luke 4:21-4:30
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DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PRAY
I heard a story of a ship that was sinking in the middle of a storm, and the captain called out to the crew and said, "Does anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward and said, "Yes sir, I know how to pray."
The captain said, "Wonderful, you pray while the rest of us put on life jackets--we're one short."
Author unknown. Taken from pastorlife.com.
George Rennau
A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26, 1997. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmist practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."
And for plenty of good reasons, since it:
· Can cause excessive sweating and vomiting.
· It is a major component in acid rain.
· It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state.
· Accidental inhalation can kill you.
· It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
· It has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients.
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was H20 (water). The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?" He feels the conclusion is obvious.
THE WISDOM OF BABES
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Out of the mouth of babes?” Certainly you have. It comes from the simple truth that sometimes it takes a child to reveal lasting wisdom. It seems foolish but it isn’t!
For example:
· Patrick, age 10, said, “Never trust a dog to watch your food.”
· Michael, 14, said, “When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don’t answer him.”
· Michael, wise man that he was also said, “Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.”
· Randy, 9 years of age said, “Stay away from prunes.” One wonders how he discovered that bit of wisdom.
· Kyoyo, age 9, said, “Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.”
· Naomi, 15 said, “If you want a kitten, start out b...
One older pastor gave some great advise to younger ministers, He said, “Trust the people in your pew’s. they are smarter than you are…that is why you’re the pastor!”
Mike Leiter
There was a man who was on his death bed and he called the three men that he trusted the most to come and see him. He called his minister, his doctor and his lawyer to him and said, “When I die, I my savings account of $90,000 divided three ways and when you walk by my casket, I want each of you to put your $30,000 into my casket to be buried with me.” They didn’t understand why the man wanted to be buried with the money, but they oblidged him. A week later, the man died. At the funeral, each man placed their portion into the casket as they walked by to pay their last respects. As they were eating dinner together afterward, the minister said, “Guys, I have something to confess to you. I kept out some of the money. We’re in the middle of the building project, so I kept out $10,000.” Then the doctor spoke up. He said, “Well, if were going to confess things to each other, I guess I’d better confess too. We’re adding a new maternity ward onto the hospital and I kept out 20,000 of my portion to help defray the cost.” The lawyer had a disgusted look on his face as he shook his head and said, “You guys ought to be ashamed of yourselves. I hope you know that my $30,000 will always be with him in the ground. I wrote a personal check for the full amount!”
Richard Crow
The late Supreme Court Justice Oliver Holmes was on a train when the conductor came through collecting tickets. Holmes couldn’t find his ticket and became rather distraught. The conductor tried to console him by saying, "Mr. Holmes, don’t worry. When you find your ticket, just mail it in. We trust you." Mr. Holmes responded in frustration, "My dear man, that’s not my problem. I need my ticket to tell me where I’m going."
An elderly man was desperately ill. Knowing the time for his departure was near, he called for his closest friends to come see him one last time. Attending him were his doctor, his pastor and his business manager.
The old man said, “I know you can’t take it with you, but who knows for sure? What if the experts are mistaken? I want to account for all possibilities. So I’m giving you each an envelope containing $100,000. When I die, I want you each to slip the envelope in my jacket pocket at the funeral service. Then, if I do need money in the life to come, I’ll be ready. And I’m giving the envelopes to you because you are my most trusted friends.”
Shortly thereafter, the man did die. Each of his three friends was seen slipping something into the deceased’s coat pocket as he walked up to the casket to pay his final respects.
Following the service, while these friends were visiting with each other, the doctor, with a sheepish look on his face, said, “Guys, I have a confession to make. You know with the cost of medicine today, I don’t make that much money. The hospital is desperate for funds. We can’t even replace the CAT scan machine that’s broken down. So, I took $20,000 for the new CAT scan and put the rest in the coffin.”
The minister cleared his throat and looked down at his shoes. He said, “I, too, have a confession to make. As you know, our church is seriously overburdened by the needs of the homeless.
I couldn’t just ...
The pastor of a church that didn’t have the reputation for being very generous with their giving decided that it was time to do something drastic in order to teach the congregation the importance of giving. He contacted an electrician and had all of the pews wired.
The next Sunday which was the first Sunday of the New Year, the time when the church had traditionally taken up pledges from the people the Pastor stood up and made the following announcement. "From now on instead of putting your pledges in sealed envelopes and turning them into the church office all pledges will be made publicly during the worship service." Then he said, so let’s get started. "All of you who will pledge to give ten dollars a week, please stand up." As soon as he said this he pushed a button that the electrician had installed in the pulpit and it sent a jolt of electricity through the wires and into the pews. Immediately about one half of the congregation jumped to their feet. The pastor reached down and adjusted a knob on the podium and then said, "All you who will pledge to give twenty dollars a week please stand." A second stronger volt of electricity caused several more people to rise to their feet. This whole process was repeated several times. Each time the pledge amount was raised along with the voltage. The ushers had to work fast just to record all of the names and pledges.
After the service the pastor and his staff were busy adding up the totals and congratulating themselves on the great success of the annual stewardship campaign—Their enthusiasm ended abruptly however, when one of the Deacons opened the door and announced that four church members had been electrocuted because they refused to stand up.
I heard about a missionary who was trying to stir up interest to get people to go to a foreign country to preach the gospel. At the end of the service a woman dragging a little boy behind her, told the missionary, "I just feel like God is calling me to be a missionary." "He is, indeed" and pointing to the little boy, "And there’s the little heathen he wants you to preach to."
