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“A priest and a rabbi are discussing the pros and cons of their various religions, and inevitably the discussion turns to repentance.
The rabbi explains Yom Kippur, the solemn Day of Atonement, a day of fasting and penitence, while the priest tells him all about Lent, and its 40 days of self-denial and absolution from sins.
After the discussion ends, the rabbi goes home to tell his wife about the conversation, and they discuss the merits of Lent versus Yom Kippur.
She turns her head and laughs. The rabbi says, "What’s so funny, dear?"
Her response, "40 days of Lent - one day of Yom Kippur...so, even when it comes to sin, the goyyim (gentiles) pay retail....."
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MOM'S ONE-LINE SERMONS
In John 2:5, at the wedding in Cana, Mary, mother of Jesus, tells the servants, "Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it." That's "Mary's One-Line Sermon."
Now, my mom preached some great one-line sermons to me as I was growing up. She had a one-line sermon from Revelation 19, about the coming judgment: "Wait till your father comes home!"
She had a one-line sermon from Luke 2, about the nativity: Every time I left the front door open she would ask, "Were you born in a barn?"
She had a one-line sermon from Matthew 28, on international missions: "There are children starving in India!"
She had a one-line sermon from Isaiah 53:5, about the substitutionary atonement: "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."
She had a one-line sermon from Luke 16, about Lazarus and the rich man: "You want your allowance, and people in Hell want ice water."
A minister tells the story of a preacher who asked a man why he did not join the church..The reply was that the dying thief did not join the church and he was saved. "Well," said the minister, "if you do not belong to a church, perhaps you help by supporting missions?" "No," said the man. "The dying thief did not help missions, and wasn’t he saved?" "Yes," said the ...
The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.
This defect has been technically termed, "Subsequential Internal Non-morality", or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some other symptoms:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish, or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect.
The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure.
Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
9. Self control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers Instructions Before Leaving Eart...