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Contributed By:
David Fox
 
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A 200-year-old church was being readied for an anniversary celebration when calamity struck: the bell ringer was called out of town.

The priest immediately advertised for another.
When the replacement arrived, the priest took him to the steps leading to the bell tower, some 150 feet above them. Round and round they went, huffing and puffing all the way. Just as they reached the landing, the bell ringer tripped and fell face-first into the biggest bell of all. Bo-o-o-o-ong!
Dazed by the blow, the bell ringer stumbled backward onto the landing. The railing broke loose and he fell to the ground. Miraculously, he was unhurt—only stunned—but the sexton thought it best to call an ambulance.
“Do you know this man’s name?” asked the doctor when he arrived.
“No,” the Priest replied, “but his face sure rings a bell.”

 
Contributed By:
Matthew  Sickling
 
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A man was going to Halloween party one night dressed in a devil’s costume. On the way to the party it started to rain and storm, so he decided to take shelter in the nearest building. Which just happened to be a church where a revival meeting was taking place. As soon as he walked through the door everyone turned around to see who was coming in late. When they saw him, they began to scream and scatter like a covey of quail.
One lady got caught in her pew and fell down in the midst of all the confusion. The man decided to go check on her and make sure she was okay. He slowly made his way over to where she was. With him standing there looking down at her the lady said, "Satan, I’ve been a member of this church for over 30 years, but I want you to know that I’ve really been on your side the whole time!"

 
Contributed By:
A. Todd Coget
 
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[Welcome and Do-Si-Do, Citation: Cartoonist Sandy Silverthorne in Leadership, Vol. 11, no. 4].
"And now here’s the point in our service where I’d like you all to rise, turn to the person on your right, shake hands, turn around, bow to your corner, then alamand left with that sweet corner maid ..."

 
Contributed By:
Tom Clawser
 
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In a Peanuts cartoon, Lucy demands that Linus change TV channels and then threatens him with her fist if he doesn’t.
"What makes you think you can walk right in here and take over?" asks Linus.
"These five fingers," says Lucy. "Individually they are nothing, but when I curl them together like this into a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold."
"What chann...

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Contributed By:
Dean Kennedy
 
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Why Go To Church

A Churchgoer wrote a letter to the editor of the newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday. "I’ve gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can’t remember a single one of them. So, I think I’m wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."

This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

I’ve been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do kn...

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Contributed By:
Dru Ashwell
 
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none
 

You might be in a country church if.......
1. The doors are never locked.
2. The Call to Worship is "Y’all come on in!"
3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
4. The Preacher says, "I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.
5. The restrooms are outside.
6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
7. A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain’t ever been in a hole it couldn’t get me out of".
8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "two calves".
9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
10. When it rains, everybody’s smiling.
11. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
12. A singing group is known as the "OK Chorale".
13. The church directory doesn’t have last names.
14. The pastor wears boots.
15. Four generations of one family sit together in worship every Sunday.
16. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during
the summer and then only so their neighbors can’t leave them a bag of squash.
17. There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
18. Baptism is referred to as "branding".
19. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
20. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
21. You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 O’clock that afternoon you have had a dozen calls inquiring about your ...

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