Illustration results for disappointment
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During a trial, in a small Missouri town, the local prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken, and poised. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God.
The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’” She responded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you quite well.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The man can’t build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney almost fainted. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, “If either of you morons asks her if she knows me, you’re going to jail.”
Friday at quitting time, Jim said,
‘Boss, have you got any extra work I can do tonight?’
Sure do but I can’t pay you overtime.
That’s okay, I just don’t want to go home.
Why not?
Well, I’ve been in the doghouse since last night.
I see...Why? What did you do to deserve that?
I still don’t know, it must be one of those woman things.
I was minding my own business relaxing in front of the TV.
My wife enters the room & asks, "What’s on the TV?"
And honestly, I swear all I said was, "Dust!"
She’s been mad ever since!
The wife found fault with her husband’s grace/truthfulness & forefeited her companionship.
We also forfeit a great deal when the find fault with God’s grace.
While in seminary, I pastored a small church near Bunn,NC. Within four weeks I conducted funeral services for five of our oldest church members. The experience of dealing with so much death in such a brief period of time caused me a great deal of emotional stress. Following a morning service, one of our older members hugged my neck on the way out of the church and said, "pastor, if God doesn’t call you out of here soon, your preaching’s going to kill everyone of us." I collapsed in laughter! It was exactly what I needed.
An umpire named Babe Pinelli once called Babe Ruth out on strikes. When the crowd booed with sharp disapproval at the call, the legendary Ruth turned to the umpire with disdain and said, "There’s 40,000 people here who know that the last pitch was ball, tomato head." Suspecting that the umpire would erupt with anger, the coaches and players braced themselves for Ruth’s ejection. However, the cool headed Pinelli replied, "Maybe so, Babe, but mine is the only opinion that counts." Believers need to realize that God’s judgment is the only on...
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM GARDENING
• Nothing ever looks like it does on the seed packet.
• Your lawn is always slightly bigger than your desire to mow it.
• Whichever garden tool you want is always at the back of the shed.
• The only way to ensure rain, is to give the garden a good soaking.
• Weeds grow at precisely the rate you pull them out.
• Autumn follows summer, winter follows autumn, drought follows planting.
• Evergreens go a funny shade of brown in the winter.
• The only way to guarantee some colour all year round is to buy a garden gnome.
• However bare the lawn, grass will appear in the cracks between the patio paving stones.
• "Annuals" mean disappointment once a year.
• When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS
A gallery owner tells one of his artists that heÍs got some good new and bad news. The artist asks for the good news first. "Well," he replies, "the good news is that a man came in here today asking if the price of your paintings would go up after you died. When I told him they would, he bought every single one of your paintings."
Elated, the artist asked, "What could the bad news possibly be?"
"Evidently, that man was your doctor."
THE WORLD DOESN’T HATE YOU
After a tough and discouraging day at work, Melvin plopped himself on the couch and began wallowing in self-pity. His moaned to his wife, "Nobody cares about me. In fact, the whole world hates me."
Without even looking up from her work, Melvin’s wife replied, "That’s not true, honey. The whole world couldn’t possibly hate you, because most of them don’t even know you."
(Source: Houston Chronicle, 11/29/6, p.E2. From a sermon by Stephen Collins, "Part 3: Our Biggest Challenge" 1/14/2009)
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am." The woman below replied, "You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you exp...
A businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.
"My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said, "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."
Erma Bombeck wrote this essay entitled, When God Created Women. “By the time the Lord made mothers, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An Angel appeared and said "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered and said, "Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 200 movable parts, all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she stands up, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands,"
The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs of hands! No Way!", said the Angel. The Lord replied, "Oh, it’s not the hands that are the problem. It’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have! One pair of eyes are to see through the closed doors when she asks, “What are you kids doing in there?” Another pair in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know. And of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, “I understand and I love you without uttering so much as a word.
The Angel tried to stop the Lord. "This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish." "But I can’t!", the Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing a creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower! The Angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish." "Will she be able to think?", asked the Angel. The Lord...
