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Illustration results for funerals christian

Contributed By:
Rich Young
 
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Pete and Tony were great baseball fans. They were talking about baseball
one day & Pete says, “I wonder if there is baseball in heaven.”

Tony replies, “I don’t know.”

Soon after, Tony dies. One day he calls Pete from heaven and they’re
talking and Pete says, “Tony, you gotta’ tell me. Is there baseball in
heaven?”

Tony says, “Well, I have some good news & some bad news. The good news
is that there is baseball in heaven. The bad news is that you’re pitching
tomorrow.”

 
Contributed By:
Denn Guptill
 
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I think we all share the sentiments of the tombstone that Read "I expected this but not yet".

 
Contributed By:
Mike Leiter
 
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There was a man who was on his death bed and he called the three men that he trusted the most to come and see him. He called his minister, his doctor and his lawyer to him and said, “When I die, I my savings account of $90,000 divided three ways and when you walk by my casket, I want each of you to put your $30,000 into my casket to be buried with me.” They didn’t understand why the man wanted to be buried with the money, but they oblidged him. A week later, the man died. At the funeral, each man placed their portion into the casket as they walked by to pay their last respects. As they were eating dinner together afterward, the minister said, “Guys, I have something to confess to you. I kept out some of the money. We’re in the middle of the building project, so I kept out $10,000.” Then the doctor spoke up. He said, “Well, if were going to confess things to each other, I guess I’d better confess too. We’re adding a new maternity ward onto the hospital and I kept out 20,000 of my portion to help defray the cost.” The lawyer had a disgusted look on his face as he shook his head and said, “You guys ought to be ashamed of yourselves. I hope you know that my $30,000 will always be with him in the ground. I wrote a personal check for the full amount!”

 
Contributed By:
Dennis Fakes
 
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A man came to the Lutheran Church and asked to see the pastor. “Pastor,” he said, “My dog died and I would like a Christian burial for him.”
The Pastor said, “I’m sorry to hear about your dog, but we Lutherans don’t do funerals for dogs. You might try the Baptist church down the street. Baptists will do most anything.”
The man turned sadly and said, “I’m sorry you won’t do my dog’s funeral, but I understand. I’ll try the Baptist church. But would you tell me how much is appropriate to leave for a memor...

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Contributed By:
Evie Megginson
 
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A preacher recently quit the ministry after more than 20 years of faithful, dedicated service and became a funeral director. When asked why he changed vocations, he said:
"I spent 10 years trying to straighten out John and he’s still an alcoholic. Then I spent three and one-half years trying to straighten out Harold and Susan’s marriage problems and they ended up getting a divorce. Later I tried for two years to help Bob kick his drug habit and he is still an addict. Now, at the funeral home, when I straighten them out, they stay straight!"

 
Contributed By:
Martin Dale
 
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Tags: Money (add tag)
 
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THE ANGLICAN DOG

A man came to an Anglican Church and asked to see the Vicar.

"Vicar," he said, "My dog died and I would like a Christian burial for him."

The Vicar said, "I'm sorry to hear about your dog, but we Anglicans don't do funerals for dogs. You might try the Baptist church down the street. Baptists will do most anything."

The man turned sadly and said, "I'm sorry you won't do my dog's funeral, but I understand. I'll try the Baptist church. But would you tell me how much would it be appropriate give the Baptist Church as a memorial if they do the funeral? I was thinking of a gift of £10,000. Do you think that is enough?"

"Wait a minute," the Vicar said. "You didn't tell me that your dog was Anglican..."

 
Contributed By:
A. Todd Coget
 
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Robert Russell tells this story:
There is a huge rivalry in college basketball between the University of Louisville and the University of Kentucky.
The story is told that at one of the games between the two schools, an elderly woman was sitting alone with an empty seat next to her.
Someone approached her and said, "Ma’am, I have rarely seen an empty seat in Rupp Arena, let alone at a game between these two teams. Whose seat is this?"
The woman responded that she and her late husband had been season-ticket holders for 28 years, and the seat had belonged to him.
"Well, couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come to the game with you?" the observer asked.
"Are you kidding?" she replied. "They’re all at my husband’s funeral."
[Citation: Robert Russell, May All Who Come Behind Us Find Us Faithful]

 
Contributed By:
Craig West
 
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A newly appointed young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a graveside committal service at a small country cemetery in Iowa. There was to be no funeral, just the committal, because sadly, the deceased had no family or friends left in Iowa.
The young pastor started early to the cemetery, but lost his way on the long back roads. After backtracking many miles, he finally arrived, a half-hour late. The hearse was no where in sight, and the workmen were relaxing under a near-by tree, eating their lunch.
The pastor went to the open grave and found that the vault ...

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Contributed By:
David Whitten
 
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WHICH WAY YOU WENT

Years ago a man was searching his family roots and visited several cemeteries and read many inscriptions on the tombstones. There was one tombstone on which was engraved "Pause now stranger as you pass by; as you are now, so once was I. as I am now , so soon you will be. Prepare yourself to follow me!"
Next to the tombstone someon...

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