Illustration results for humility
The comedian Jeff Foxworthy became famous with his routine, "You might be a redneck if . . . " Here are some of my favorites:
You might be a redneck if the directions to your house include the phrase "turn off the paved road".
You might be a redneck if your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
You might be a redneck if you took a fishing pole to Sea World.
You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the ífridge.
You might be a redneck if your dad walks you to school because youíre both in the same grade.
You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
You might be a redneck if you think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
Likewise, you might be a Pharisee if you spend a more time talking about the sins of others than you do in repenting and confessing your own.
Pastor, I have a besetting sin, and I want your help. I come to church on Sunday and canít help thinking Iím the prettiest girl in the congregation. I know I ought not think that, but I canít help it. I want you to help me with it." The pastor replied, "Mary, donít worry about it. In your case itís not a sin. Itís just a horrible mistake."
Let me suggest you consider the difference between dogs and cats. The master pets a dog, and the dog wags its tail and thinks, “He must be a god.” But the master pets his cat, and the cat purrs, shuts its eyes and thinks to itself, “I must be a god.” Though Jesus in grace reached down to us, there is still a perverse human tendency to think like the cat!
HAIRDOíS AND EGO
A friend of mine who teaches Bible school had her straight hair permed in to a curly style. One morning she noticed that 4 yr. old Jack, who was usually cheerful, looked sad and bewildered. "Is something wrong, Jack?" Jenny asked him.
"Your hair," he mumbled.
"You noticed!" said Jenny. "I just had a permanent and I love it!"
"You do?" whispered Jack. "Have...
I once heard a humorous story about the Pope who was on a visit to America for a period of time. On his last day of the visit, he was delayed due to meetings and was unable to break away to catch a flight.
Since he couldn’t depend on his Pope Mobile, he phoned for a limousine. When the limousine arrived, the driver was joyfully surprised that it was the Pope who called for him. The driver became nervous and was beside himself. He proceeded to drive very slowly. The Pope became nervous and told him to hurry up. It did not make a bit of difference. The driver went slower; he wanted to keep the Pope in his limousine as long as he could. The Pope could not be delayed any longer so he asked to drive the limo himself. The Pope sped off and reached the speed of 85 miles an hour. The policeman who stopped him was shocked when he discovered the famous personality behind the wheel. He frantically phoned his police chief and said, “Chief, I have stopped a very important figure for speeding. I don’t know what to do?”
--“What do you mean? Give him a speeding ticket!”
--“Sir, in all honesty, I can’t.”
--“Why can’t you? The law is the law. Who is it anyway that you stopped? Is it the mayor?”
--“Is it the governor?”
--“Is it a congressman?”
--“Is it the president?”
--“Well, then, who is it?!”
--“I don’t know sir! All I know is that the Pope is driving him to the airport.”
On Christmas afternoon, the Pastor’s wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried." Her husband looked over at her & said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, & give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?"
"Dearest," she replied, "I had to listen to all of them."
The lion was proud of his mastery of the animal kingdom. One day he decided to make sure all the other animals knew he was the king of the jungle. He was so confident that he by-passed the smaller animals and went straight to the bear. "Who is the king of the jungle?" the lion asked. The bear replied, "Why you are, of course" The lion gave a mighty roar of approval. Next he asked the tiger, "Who is the king of the jungle?" The tiger quickly responded, "Everyone knows that you are, mighty lion " Next on the list was the elephant. The lion faced the elephant and addressed his question, "Who is the king of the jungle?" The elephant immediately grabbed the lion with his trunk, whirled him around in the air five or six times and slammed him into a tree. Then he pounded him onto the ground several times, dunked him under water in a nearby lake, and finally dumped him out on the shore. The lion--beaten, bruised, and battered--struggled to his feet. He looked at the elephant through sad and bloody eyes and said, "Look, just because you don’t know the answer is no reason for to get mean about it!"
In a certain pond, there were two ducks and a frog who were neighbors and the best of friends. They played together all day long during the summer time.
But as the cold drew near and the water dried up, the ducks realized they would have to move. This would be easy for them, but what about their friend the frog?
Finally it was decided that they would put a stick in the bill of each duck, and then the frog would hang onto the stick with his mouth and they would fly him to another pond. And so they did.
Just then, a farmer looked up and said to his wife, "What a great idea! I wonder who thought of that?"
Three boys in the school yard were bragging about who had the better father. The first boy says, "My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $100." The second boy says, "That’s
nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $1000." The third boy
says, "My Dad is even better than that. He scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes six
men just to collect all the money!"
A minister friend of mine received a Christmas card with a note in it from a lady in his congregation. He said she was very complimentary about his preaching, & compared him with Billy Graham. She finished by writing, "I think you are one of the really great preachers of all time."
Later that day, when he showed the note to his wife, she asked, "Who is that woman?" He replied, "She is a very intelligent woman in the congregation who loves great preaching." He then asked his wife, "How many great preachers do you suppose there really are in the world?" She replied, "One less than you think."