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You know there are some things that I hate
Like deviled eggs, there is nothing about deviled eggs that I like
I don’t like the smell, the looks, or especially the taste
Its safe to say I hate deviled eggs
Some people dislike boxing or NASCAR or competitive eating as a sport
Some hate bell bottom pants, or rainy days, or Mondays
I suppose we all have things which are less than our favorites
But what do you really hate?
We talk about God’s love, but there are some things that God hates
God hates pride, lying, and hypocrisy, just to name a few
And with a passion!
But He never stops loving us
So while vehemently against those things, those attitudes and those actions which can hurt us
His love for the person is always there
God hates the sin but He still loves the sinner
And just think of all the sins committed in all of eternity
From the little white lies all the way up to the most horrible sin you can think of
Every sin from the fall of Adam, until God establishes His eternal Kingdom with the saints
Was placed on Jesus on that cross
His only Son who with every drop of blood covered each and every sin
And that is How God loves you
EATING A BALD EAGLE
A forest ranger is making rounds in a remote part of the wooded reserve when he comes across an unkempt man, sitting at a make-shift campfire, and, to the ranger's astonishment, eating a fish and a bald eagle.
The man is consequently put in jail for the crime. He was soon brought to trial for his crime. The Judge asked the man, "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?"
"Yes, I do, Judge," replied the man, "but if you will let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened."
"You may proceed."
"I got lost in the woods and hadn't had anything real to eat for two weeks," the man explained. "I was so hungry, I was eating plants to stay alive. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake grabbing a fish. I thought 'If I startled the eagle, I could maybe steal the fish.' Low and behold, the eagle lighted upon a nearby tree stump to eat the fish. I threw a stone toward the eagle hoping he would drop the fish and fly away. Unfortunately, in my weakened condition, my aim was off, and the rock hit the eagle squarely on his poor little head, and it killed him. I thought long and hard about what had happened, but figured that since I had killed it, I might as well eat it, since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."
The Judge says he would take a recess to analyze the defendant's testimony. Fifteen minutes goes by, and the Judge returns.
"Due to the extreme circumstances you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges." The Judge then leans over the bench and whispers: "If you don't mind my asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?"
"Well, Your Honor, it is hard to explain. I guess the best comparison I can make is, it's a bit more tender than a California Condor, but lacks the tang of a Spotted Owl."
(From a sermon by J.D. Tutell, He Prepares a Table, 2/3/2011)
RAFFLING A DEAD DONKEY
Jean Paul, a Cajun, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died."
"Well then, just give me my money back."
"Can't do that, I went and spent it already."
"OK then, just unload the donkey."
"What are you gonna do with him?"
"I'm gonna raffle him off."
"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
"Sure, I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?"
"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a piece and made a profit of $898."
"Didn't anyone complain?"
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back."
LEADERS AND FOLLOWERS
S. I. McMillen, in his book "None of These Diseases," tells a story of a young woman who wanted to go to college, but her heart sank when she read the question on the application blank that asked, "Are you a leader?" Being both honest and conscientious, she wrote, "No," and returned the application, expecting the worst.
To her surprise, she received this letter from the college: "Dear Applicant: A study of the application forms ...
BREAD AND BUTTER
A small-town baker bought his butter from a local farmer. After weighing his butter, he concluded the farmer had been reducing the amount in the packages but charging the same. Therefore, the baker accused the farmer of fraud. In court the judge asked the farmer, "Do you have measuring weights?"
"No sir," replied the farmer.
"How then do you manage to weigh the butter that you sell?"
The farmer answered, "When the baker began buying his butter from me, I thought I'd better get my bread from him. I have been using his 1-pound loaf as the weight for the butter I sell. If the weight of the butter is wrong, he has only himself to blame."
(Ref: Preceptaustin.Org. Matthew 7 Commentaries 1. http://www.preceptaustin.org/matthew_71-2.htm . Accessed August 14, 2011.)
PICTURE OF CHEESE
I heard a story about a man who had a mouse in his house and his wife wanted him to catch it. His problem was that he didn’t have any cheese (and did not want to buy it). So he cut a picture of cheese out of a magazine and placed it in the trap. He thought, "I’ll just fool the mouse."
When he would to check the trap the next morning to see if he had caught the mouse, he found a beautiful mouse in the trap. There was only one problem. It was a picture of a mouse. His young son saw what he did and placed a picture of a mouse in the trap.
Counterfeit people who use counterfeit tactics will always produce counterfeit results!
John Beehler
A man, returning from a business trip, was met at the airport by his wife. They walked from the gate together and were standing waiting for the baggage to be unloaded. An extremely attractive stewardess walked by. Suddenly, the man came to life. Beaming, he said to the stewardess, "I hope we can fly together again, Miss Jones."
His wife asked, "How come you knew the name of that stewardess?" The man replied smoothly, "Well dear, her name was posted up front in the plane, right under the names of the pilot and co-pilot." To which the wife replied, "Okay, so what were the names of the pilot and co-pilot?" BUSTED! The man’s hypocrisy was uncovered.
Mothers have taught us with faithful words of instruction (listen to some of these from a Mothers Day website)
To Value A Job Well Done
"If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
Time Travel
"If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
Logic
"Because I said so, that’s why."
Foresight
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident."
Irony
"Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about."
Osmosis
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
Stamina
"You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
Weather
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
Hypocrisy
"If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!"
Circle Of Life
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
Behavior Modification
"Stop acting like your father!"
Envy
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do."
Anticipation
"Just wait until we get home."
Receiving
"You are going to get it when you ge...
FOUR SETS OF TEETH
Simon was an Orthodox Jew. He had a Gentile friend, James, who noticed that Simon owned four sets of false teeth.
One day James asked his friend why he had so many sets of false teeth. Surprised by the question, Simon explained, "My friend, as you know, I keep kosher. I have one set of teeth I wear when I eat milk products; I have another set for meat products; and the third set I use for Passover." After a moment of silence, James pressed further, "Well, then, what about the fourth set?" Simon snapped in response, "Is it any of your business if I want to eat a ham and cheese sandwich once in a while?"
Source: From the Messianic Devotional, "The Word of the Lord"
HONEY ALL THE WAY DOWN
In one of his famous escapades, Winnie the Pooh, this lovable toy bear, tries to trap an elephant--or, as he pronounces it, a heffalump.
So Pooh digs a hole to catch the heffalump, and decides to bait the trap with some of his own favorite food: honey. But of course, it is very hard for Winnie the Pooh to part with honey, and he just can't bear to leave a whole jar of it in the trap, so he starts to eat some of it himself...excusing himself with the thought that it's important to make sure it really is honey, all the way down. It wouldn't do to have anything else, perhaps cheese or something, at the bottom. And so of course, by the time Winnie the Pooh is finally sure that it was honey all the way down the jar is empty!
For Pooh, what matters is what the jar really contains, all the way down. If it's only got honey at the top, but something quite different underneath, then what's the point?
And this is what lies at the heart of what Jesus says about the Pharisees and their purity laws. What's the point of keeping all the purity laws if underneath one is not the kind of person God always had in mind?
What sort of person did God always have in mind? A person who was pure, not just on the surface, but all the way down to the very depths of the personality. And Jesus is saying that the purity laws of what is "clean" and what is "unclean" miss the point entirely. What God is offering through Jesus Christ and a personal relationship with Him is a cure for the deep-level impurity we all suffer from. Being right with God has nothing to do with trying to follow a bunch of external laws. That will only make you a hypocrite and you will eventually fall into a pit. Jesus Himself is the only remedy for the wickedness and uncleanness that infects us all.
And Jesus, as the Remedy, needs to be applied to the disease, deep down inside each of our human personalities, so that we can be changed from the inside out!
(From a sermon by Kenneth Sauer, "Jesus Heads to East Ridge," 8/10/2011)
