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Illustration results for joy

Contributed By:
Steve Malone
 
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YOU KNOW CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE WHEN:

10) There are more pine needles on your carpet than on your tree
9) The credit card is smoked along with the turkey and ham.
8) It’s A Wonderful Life has been shown for the 13th time
7) A trip to the mall and back is more challenging then the Indy 500
6) The Salvation Army bell ringers start accepting credit cards
5) You are pulling an all-nighter because of the words
"Some Assembly Required"
4) Your Christmas list is written in black while your check book balance is written in red.
3) Santa’s belly is not the only thing shaking like a bowl full of jelly.
2) The NFL referees are not the only ones giving away games
1) The infamous fruitcake returns from it’s 12 months of hiding.

 
Contributed By:
Chris Layton
 
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There was once a young boy who went to spend the week with his grandfather on the farm. While walking around he noticed the chickens, they were scratching and playing around. The little lad said, “They ain’t got it”. Next he saw a colt in the field playing and kicking up its heel’s to which he replied, “He ain’t got it”. After examining all of the animals on his grandfather’s farm and see that none of them had “it”, this boy finally found the old donkey in the barn. When he saw the donkey’s long, frowning face and the way that the donkey just stood there he screamed for his grandfather to come quick. “I found it, I found it” the boy kept yelling. When his grandfather asked what he had found he said, “Pawpaw, I found an animal that has the same kind of religion that you have.”

 
Contributed By:
MELVIN NEWLAND
 
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ILL. Let me read a part of the list that several housewives compiled. They wrote that they were especially thankful:
"For automatic dishwashers because they make it possible for us to get out of the kitchen before the family comes back in for their after-dinner snacks.
"For husbands who attack small repair jobs around the house because they usually make them big enough to call in the professionals.
"For children who put away their things & clean up after themselves. They’re such a joy you hate to see them go home to their own parents
"For teenagers because they give parents an opportunity to learn a second language.
"For Smoke alarms because they let you know when the turkey’s done.
APPL. Now our list might not be the same as theirs, but I’m convinced that if we began to make a list, we would find that we have much more for which to be thankful than just our material possessions.

 
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THANKSGIVING LIST

Here is a list of things housewives are most thankful for:

"For automatic dishwashers because they make it possible for us to get out of the kitchen before the family comes back in for their after-dinner snacks.

For husbands who attack small repair jobs around the house because they usually make them big enough to call in the professionals.

For children who put away their things & clean up after themselves. They’re such a joy you hate to see them go home to their own parents

For teenagers because they give parents an opportunity t...

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Contributed By:
Brian Mavis
 
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A man has been lost and walking in the desert for about five days. One hot day--actually, they’re all hot--he comes to the home of a preacher. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The preacher takes him in and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the preacher for directions to the nearest town. The preacher tells him the directions, and offers to lend him his horse to make it. The preacher says, "However, there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say ’Thank God’ to make it go and ’Amen’ to make it stop."

Anxious to get to town, the man says, "Sure, okay" and gets on the horse. He says, "Thank God" and sho ’nuff, the horse starts walking. A bit later he says louder, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man say, "Thank God! Thank God! THANK GOD!" and the horse is soon up to a full run!

About then he realizes he’s heading for a huge cliff and yells "Whoa!" But the horse doesn’t even slow! It’s coming up REAL QUICK and he’s doing everything he can to make the horse stop. "Whoa, stop, hold on!" Finally he remembers "AMEN!!!"

The horse stops a mere two inches from the cliff’s edge, almost throwing him over its head. The man, panting and heart racing, wipes the sweat from his face and leans back in the saddle. "Oh!" he says, gasping for air, "Thank God."

 
Contributed By:
Joe Fornear
 
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Irene Pepperberg, a visiting professor of animal behavior at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, is teaching a parrot how to surf the Internet. "Parrots are very social creatures," she says,
but people who own them "leave them alone eight or nine hours a day." She says that leads to boredom and stress, and that leads to behavioral problems. She is developing special bird-enabled software, "InterPet Explorer", to make it easier for the animals to find sites of interest, such as those showing wildlife and music, or perhaps even chat rooms populated only by animals.
-That’s all I need - my dog, Snuggles, coming up to me and saying “Dad, can you punch in the credit card number. I found some rawhide chew bones on the Internet that will help me reduce stress and boredom”. Or, “Can we take a walk. I met a bull dog in an internet chat room and he just lives right down the street.”
-But stress and boredom have led to behavioral problems in humans as well. Satan has geared modern technology to offer internet sites and videos and DVDs that fit with his perfect plan of offering alternatives to God’s peace and love and joy. Satan’s plan is to get all men entangled in some form of pornography.

 
Contributed By:
Perry Greene
 
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SENDING THE VERY BEST

Someone has composed the following list of "Cards You'll Never See at Hallmark":


"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder....
What was I thinking?!"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love....
After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....
that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me.....
Like the need for therapy."

"You look great for your age....
Almost life-like!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me....
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"We have been friends for a very long time....
What do you say we call it quits?"

"I'm so miserable without you....
It's almost like you're here."

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

Somehow those cards truly don't seem very appropriate for a card company that advertises with the slogan, "When you care enough to send the very best." Greeting card companies certainly have made it easy for us to let our friends and relatives know that we care about them.

The apostle Paul didn't have the benefit of going into a card store, but many of the words he wrote to congregations and individuals are filled with sentiment and worded in such a way that perhaps they should be used in greeting cards. Listen to these words written to the Christians in Philippi:

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always with every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy....it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart....For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:3-4,7,8).

Warren Wiersbe outlines this section with these phrases: "I have you in my mind", "I have you in my heart" and "I have you in my prayers." That sums up well the affection that Paul had for those brethren.

Is there someone that you care greatly about? Send them a card. Better yet, drop them a line of your own creation and let them know that they are on your mind, in your heart and in your prayers today. Only do it, though, if you care enough to send the "very best."

 
Contributed By:
A. Todd Coget
 
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In regions of Mexico hot springs and cold springs are found side by side, and because of the convenience of this natural phenomenon the women often bring their laundry, boil their clothes in the hot springs, and then rinse them in the cold springs.
A tourist watching this procedure commented to his Mexican guide: "They must think Mother nature is generous to freely supply suc...

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Contributed By:
Josh Hunt
 
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A woman sees a father shopping with a fussy two-year-old in his grocery cart. “Be patient, Billy,” he whispers. “You can handle this, Billy. It’s okay, Billy.”

The woman said to him, “I don’t mean to interrupt your shopping, but I just had to tell you how wonderfully loving and patient you are with little Billy.”

The man replied, “Actually, my son’s name is Patrick. My name is Billy.”

The Spirit is available to whisper to us thoughts of love and joy and peace and patience every moment of our life. Right now. All we have to do is stop, ask, and listen.

Ortberg, J. (2010). The me i want to be. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

 
Contributed By:
Paul Wallace
 
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This is a fictional Christmas correspondence between Martha Stewart and Erma Bombeck to remind us that Christmas isn’t always picture perfect.
Hi Erma, This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. Now it’s time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I’m serving the old standard Stewart 12-course breakfast, but I didn’t have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I already had. I did take time to make the dishes to use for breakfast from Hungarian clay, which you can get at almost any Hungarian craft store. Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I’m wearing for breakfast. I’ll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office as soon as the glue dries on the envelope I’ll be making.- Love, Martha Stewart
Response from Erma Bombeck:
Dear Martha,
I’m writing this on the back of an old shopping list, pay no attention to the coffee and jelly stains. I’m 20 minutes late getting my daughter up for school, packing a lunch with one hand, on the phone with the dog pound, seems old Ruff needs bailing out, again. Burnt my arm on the curling iron when I was trying to make those cute curly fries. Still can’t find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes, tried using an old disposable razor…trashed the tablecloth. Tried that cranberry thing, frozen cranberries mushed up after I defrosted them in the microwave. Oh, and don’t use Fruity Pebbles as a substitute in that Rice Krispie snowball recipe, unless you happen to like a disgusting shade of green! The smoke alarm is going off, talk to ya later.- Love, Erma
I don’t know anybody who enjoys the Martha Stewart picture perfect Christmas. Kids get sick, people lose their jobs, people even die. Trouble doesn’t take a holiday even at Christmas. That shouldn’t surprise us: even the first Christmas wasn’t picture perfect . In the midst of all the miracles and joy, there were a lot of hassle, and a lot of hurting. We often look back at Christmas with magical rose colored glasses, and then we compare our troubled lives to it and think it does apply to me. It has nothing to say to my messed up life. Lets take a look back at what it was really like the first Christmas, and I think we will discover it has a lot to say to us today. Lets Look at Luke 2:1-20

 
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