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Illustration results for lent

Contributed By:
Brian Mavis
 
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A man has been lost and walking in the desert for about five days. One hot day--actually, they’re all hot--he comes to the home of a preacher. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The preacher takes him in and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the preacher for directions to the nearest town. The preacher tells him the directions, and offers to lend him his horse to make it. The preacher says, "However, there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say ’Thank God’ to make it go and ’Amen’ to make it stop."

Anxious to get to town, the man says, "Sure, okay" and gets on the horse. He says, "Thank God" and sho ’nuff, the horse starts walking. A bit later he says louder, "Thank God, thank God," and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man say, "Thank God! Thank God! THANK GOD!" and the horse is soon up to a full run!

About then he realizes he’s heading for a huge cliff and yells "Whoa!" But the horse doesn’t even slow! It’s coming up REAL QUICK and he’s doing everything he can to make the horse stop. "Whoa, stop, hold on!" Finally he remembers "AMEN!!!"

The horse stops a mere two inches from the cliff’s edge, almost throwing him over its head. The man, panting and heart racing, wipes the sweat from his face and leans back in the saddle. "Oh!" he says, gasping for air, "Thank God."

 
Contributed By:
Ed Vasicek
 
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“A priest and a rabbi are discussing the pros and cons of their various religions, and inevitably the discussion turns to repentance.
The rabbi explains Yom Kippur, the solemn Day of Atonement, a day of fasting and penitence, while the priest tells him all about Lent, and its 40 days of self-denial and absolution from sins.
After the discussion ends, the rabbi goes home to tell his wife about the conversation, and they discuss the merits of Lent versus Yom Kippur.
She turns her head and laughs. The rabbi says, "What’s so funny, dear?"
Her response, "40 days of Lent - one day of Yom Kippur...so, even when it comes to sin, the goyyim (gentiles) pay retail....."

 
Contributed By:
Danny Pinksen
 
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Duct Tape is one of those invaluable items that is able to solve many of life’s little problems. We have seen some examples in the video we just watched. In recent years, Red Green has certainly increased the sales of duct tape. He used duct tape for many of the contraptions that he developed. Red Green was also known for his advice such as …
- If it ain’t broke, don’t lend it.
- If women don’t find you handsome, they can sure find you handy.
- Keep your stick on the ice
- Spare the duct tape, spoil the job.

There was another element of his show that he had made famous. It is known as the ‘Man’s Prayer’.

RED GREEN – MAN’S PRAYER
I’m a man…
But I can change…
If I have to…
I guess.

 
Contributed By:
John Shearhart
 
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none
 

“A Roman Catholic priest […] was making his way down [an] alley to his parked car, [when] a man suddenly emerged from the shadows, thrusting the muzzle of a revolver into his ribs demanding, ‘Hand me your wallet!’
Offering no word of protest, the priest immediately began to comply. As he reached into his inside pocket, his clerical collar became evident in the dim light, catching the robber off guard. ‘Are you a priest?’ he exclaimed. ‘Yes, I am,’ the priest replied. ‘Oh, I don’t rob priests,’ the thief responded, ‘I’m Catholic, too.’
Greatly relieved, the priest withdrew a cigar from his inside pocket and offered it to the penitent thief. ‘Oh, no! I can’t do that,’ the thief exclaimed, ‘I’ve given them up for Lent.’

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Contributed By:
Rick Pendleton
 
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Tags: Ambition (add tag)
 
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THE KOOL-AID STAND PARABLE

Jason wanted to buy Tubby's old bike. Tubby got a new one for his birthday and would sell Jason his old one for $10. It was a great deal. The problem was that Jason didn't have any money. His cousin, Scott, in another town, was making good money with his Kool-Aid stand. So, Jason decided to do the same.

First he needed a stand. He went into his Dad's shop and got a piece of plywood, a saw, some nails and a hammer. With the stand built, Jason now needed a sign. He went to his brother's room and got some poster board. He painted a fine sign and nailed it on the front. One problem... NO KOOL-AID..... and NO MONEY to buy Kool-Aid!!!!!

So, he went to his sister. She lent him 55 cents.... 50 cents for the Kool-Aid, and 5 cents interest. Jason thought, I'll make that much and more... lots more.

Business was great. Tubby bought three cups. Dad bought one after work. Jason even had to add water to make the Kool-Aid go farther. He would shake the box every few minutes and listen to the coins ring... and Jason would sing.... "I'm in the money."

That night Jason counted his money. He was so excited.... $13.00... enough to buy the bike and some comic books to boot. He ran to tell his Dad the news.

And then he learned a hard lesson. The wood was for a special project Dad had planned, it cost $12. Jason's heart broke as he gave his Dad the $12. All that work for $1. No, said his brother... you owe me 50 cents for the poster board because I need it for school. Jason stood there looking at 50 cents. What a raw deal... all that work, all that time, all that excitement... and all he had was 50 cents. “No!” said his sister.... “you owe me 55 cents.” Jason handed her the 50 cents and said, "I'll have to owe you the nickel."

Jason walked away, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped. "I didn't even get a cup of Kool-Aid."

 
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