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SOWING AND REAPING
There is a famous (and doubtless apocryphal) story about Horatio Bottomley, the politician and convicted fraudster, who was stitching mailbags in prison when a chaplain caught sight of him.
"Sewing, Bottomley?" said the priest.
"No," he replied. "Reaping."
So too all of us, sooner or later.
("The Times", London)
Winston Churchill was once asked, "Doesn’t it thrill you to know that every time you make a speech, the hall is packed to overflowing?" "It’s quite flattering," replied Sir Winston. "But whenever I feel that way, I always remember that if instead of making a political speech I was being hanged, the crowd would be twice as big." Norman McGowan, My Years With Winston Churchill, Souvenir Press, London
WHO CHURCHILL WANTS TO BE
Winston Churchill once attended a formal banquet in London, where the dignitaries were asked the question, "If you could not be who you are, who would you like to be?" Naturally everyone was curious as to what Churchill, who was seated next to his beloved Clemmie, would say. When it was finally his turn, the old man, the last respondent to the question, rose and gave his answer.
"If I could not be who I am, I would most like to be..." and here he paused to take his wife’s hand, "...Lady Churchill's second husband."
Churchill was a very clever man. He was also a most devoted man--a "one-woman man"--despite his other proclivities.
(Hughes, R. K., & Chapell, B. (2000). 1 & 2 Timothy and Titus: To guard the deposit. Preaching the Word (77–78). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books.)
THE TRUTH HURTS
Some of us may be able to sympathize with the fellow who received a call from his wife just as she was about to fly home from Europe. "How’s my cat?" she asked.
"Oh, honey, don’t be so honest. Why didn’t you break the news to me slowly? You’ve ruined my trip."
"What do you mean?"
"You could have told me he was on the roof. And when I called you from Paris, you could have told me he was acting sluggish. Then when I called from London, you could have said he was sick, and when I called you from New York, you could have said he was at the vet. Then, when I arrived home, you could have said he was dead."
The husband had never been exposed to such protocol ...
One New Year’s Eve at London’s Garrick Club, British dramatist Frederick Lonsdale was asked by Symour Hicks to reconcile with a fellow member. The two had quarreled in the past and never restored their friendship. “You must,” Hicks said to Lonsdale. “It is very unkind to be unfriendly at such a time. Go over now and wish him a happy New Year.”
So Lonsdale crossed the room and spoke to his enemy. “I wish you a happy New Year,” he said, “but only one.”
World’s Biggest Liar Contest
LONDON (Nov. 14) - The World’s Biggest Liar will defend his title against a small but devious group of challengers in a pub in northern England Thursday.
George Kemp beat five-time winner John Graham last year with a string of tall tales including one about his grandfather’s greyhound which he said stopped in the middle of a race to have pups and then went on to win, followed by the puppies.
This year’s eight entrants will meet for dinner in the Bridge Inn, Santon Bridge in the picturesque Lake District to limber up with a few pints of ale before going head to head with their lies.
"They put their names in a hat and are picked out one by one," pub manager Teresa Appleton told Reuters by telephone. "Each one then has five minutes to tell a pack of lies."
A panel of six judges sits through the performances and then retires to consider its verdict.
The winner gets the princely sum of 25 pounds ($40) in cash, a tie proclaiming them the World’s Biggest Liar and a silver cup they can keep for a year.
"The competition is tough. They all keep their lies a strict secret until the night," organizer Ian Congdon said. "We are looking for originality, delivery and humor."
The competition, which attracts interest from around the world, was inspired by 19th century Bridge Inn landlord Will Ritson who kept his customers entertained with fictitious tales about the surrounding area.
11/14/02 10:34 ET
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WHEN NO ONE IS WATCHING
In 1945, Arsenal were playing Russian giants Dynamo Moscow in London when a thick fog descended over the ground. The referee refused to abandon the game as the visitors had come such a long way, but it was impossible to see what was going on. It is said that an Arsenal player who was sent off sneaked back on, while the Soviet side may have brought substitutes to boost their numbers to 12-13. Dynamo Moscow won 3-2.
One traditional question Jewish children ask their father as part of the Passover dinner is "Ma Nishtana ha lei la haze," "Why is this NIGHT different than any other NIGHT." Dad then recounts the story of the Exodus.
Comedian George Burns, who was Jewish, tells this joke:
During one of my many trips to London, I became friends with a very wealthy, yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman Goldfarb. On one visit, Hy told me that because of his large donations to charities through the years, the queen wanted to knight him, but
he was going to turn it down.
"That’s a great honor," I said. "Why would you turn it down?"
"Because during the ceremony you have to say something in Latin," he said. "And I don’t wish to bother studying Latin just for that."
"So say something in Hebrew. The queen wouldn’t know the difference."
"Brilliant," Hy complimented me, "but what should I say?"
"Remember that question the son asks the father on the first night of Passover? ... Can you say that in Hebrew?"
"Of course," he said. "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh. Thank you, old sport, I shall become a knight."
At the ceremony Hy waited his turn while severa...
It is a story about how the news of the victory at the battle at Waterloo arrived in England. There were no telegrams or telephones in those days, nobody could send an SMS or put it up on Facebook or Youtube, of course, but everyone knew that Wellington was facing Napoleon in that great battle on the 18th of June 1815, and that the future of England was in great uncertainty.
A sailing ship semaphored (signalled with coded flags) the news to the signalman on top of Winchester Cathedral. He signalled to another man somewhere on a hill, and this way the news of the battle was passed on by semaphore from one place to another all the way to London and across the whole land.
When the ship came in, the signalman on board semaphored the first word: “W e l l i n g t o n”. The next word was “d e f e a t e d”, and then the fog came down and the ship could not be seen. “Wellington defeated” went across England, and there was great gloom all over the countryside.
After two or three hours, the fog lifted, and the signal came again: “Wellington defeated the enemy.” Then all England rejoiced.
There was that day, when they put the body of the Lord in the tomb, that the message appeared to be Christ dead, defeated…. But three days later, the fog lifted.
As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 15:54-57
"Death is swallowed up in victory. "Death, where is your sting? Hades (hell), where is your victory? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."
D. Greg Ebie
As we look today at the eighth commandment, “You shall not steal,” here are a couple of stories to remind us that crime does not pay.
A London taxi driver found an ingenious way to keep his cab clean. He would wrap up the leftovers from his lunch together with any other garbage he found in the cab in a newspaper each day and leave it in the backseat of his cab. By the end of the day, it was always gone. Someone stole it hoping for a treasure but ended up with a big surprise instead. -- Robert C. Shannon, 1000 Windows, (Cincinnati, Ohio: Standard Publishing Company, 1997).
Here is a true story from the dim-witted criminals department: A man walked into a convenience store, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register. In his hurry to get away the man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving his $20 bill on the counter. So how much did he steal from the drawer? Fifteen bucks. Go figure. -- "Strange World," Campus Life, Vol. 56, no. 2.