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Sermon & Worship Packages: Time to Remember
"I TITHE--HE'LL FIND ME."
Two men have ended up marooned on an island in the South Pacific. You can fill in the blanks as to how they got there.
So they are on the clichéic deserted island, one palm tree, nothing to see but the ocean. One guy is in a complete panic, pacing back and forth, ranting about how they are going to die, hungry and alone, that nobody will stumble on them until they are nothing but bones. The other guy is sitting under the tree snoozing.
Finally the first man can't stand it anymore and he demands "What's wrong with you, don't you understand the situation?"
To which the reply came "Sure I do, we are stranded on this island hundreds of miles from anywhere"
"Well aren't you worried?"
"Nope" came the reply "I make $10,000.00 a week."
The first guy was at a complete loss, "What does that have to do with anything, you have no access to the money and no place to spend it if you did."
To which the second guy replied "No you don't understand, I make $10,000.00 a week and I tithe, my pastor will find me."
Late one summer evening in Broken Bow, Nebraska, a weary truck driver pulled his rig into an all-night truck stop. The waitress had just served him when three tough looking, leather jacketed motorcyclists - of the Hell’s Angels type - decided to give him a hard time. Not only did they verbally abuse him, one grabbed the hamburger off his plate, another took a handful of his french fries, and the third picked up his coffee and began to drink it. How would you respond? Well, this trucker did not respond as one might expect. Instead, he calmly rose, picked up his check, walked to the front of the room, put the check and his money on the cash register, and went out the door. The waitress followed him to put the money in the till and stood watching out the door as the big truck drove away into the night.
When she returned, one of the bikers said to her, "Well, he’s not much of a man, is he?" She replied, "I don’t know about that, but he sure ain’t much of a truck driver. He just ran over three motorcycles on his way out of the parking lot."
Three boys in the school yard were bragging about who had the better father. The first boy says, "My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $100." The second boy says, "That’s
nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $1000." The third boy
says, "My Dad is even better than that. He scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes six
men just to collect all the money!"
BRAGGIN' 'BOUT DAD
Three boys in the schoolyard were bragging about who had the better father:
The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $100.”
The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $1000.”
The third boy says, “My Dad is ever b...
The pastor stood before the congregation and said "I have bad news, I have good
news, and I have more bad news." The congregation got quiet. "The bad news
is: the church needs a new roof!" the pastor said. The congregation groaned.
"The good news is: we have enough money for the new roof." A sigh of relief
was heard rippling through the gathered group.
"The bad new is: it’s still in your pockets"
Andrew Carnegie made millions in the steel industrial. He worked hard helping the poor and underprivileged. Once a socialist came to see him in his office and soon was railing against the injustice of Carnegie having so much money. In his view, wealth was meant to be divided equally. Carnegie asked his secretary for an assessment of everything he owned and at the same time looked up the figures on world population. He did a little arithmetic on a pad and then said to his secretary. "Give this gentleman l6 cents. That’s his share of my money.
"Unknown". http://www.christianglobe.com/
The story is told of a terrible traffic accident. Police officers were called to the scene and when they arrived they found a husband, wife, and 2 children lying unconscious in the car. They pulled them from the car, and as they waited for the paramedics to arrive they noticed a monkey in the car also. Seeing that the monkey was the only witness to the accident who was conscious, the officers decided to question him about the accident. Turning to the monkey they asked, “What was the dad doing at the time of the accident?” The monkey motioned, indicating that the dad had been drinking. The officers next asked what the mother had been doing at the time of the accident. The monkey took his finger and shook it angrily at the unconscious man. The officers then asked what the children had been doing. The monkey this time indicated by hand gestures that the children had been fighting in the back seat. The officers said, “Well, no wonder there was an accident with all of that going on in the car.” As they turned to leave, almost as a parting thought they asked, “By the way, what were you doing at the time of the accident?” To which the monkey signed that he had been the one driving.
My friends, I am afraid that there are many churches today headed for trouble. There are many churches heading for an accident because they do not understand God’s design for the church. They do not understand God’s call for leadership, and as a result they have allowed the noisiest moneys in the group to run the church. My friends, noise does not equal leadership.
I heard about a rich man who was determined to take his wealth with him. He told his wife to get all his money together, put it in a sack, and then hang the sack from the rafters in the attic. He said, "When my spirit is caught up to heaven, I’ll grab the sack on my way." Well he eventually died, and the woman raced to the attic, on...
REST IN PEACE
Six-year-old and his four-year-old sister presented their mom with a Mother’s Day present: a small, spindly house plant. While it wasn’t the finest looking specimen, they had bought it with their own money and Mom was thrilled. She hugged and kissed her children and told them she
loved them for thinking of her.
Johnny said, "There was some other flowers we wanted to buy for you, Mom, but we didn’t have enough money."
"Yeah," said sister Suzy, "they had a real nice bunch of flowers at the shop that we were going to buy."
"But I love this plant," said the happy mother.
"I know, Mom," said Johnny, "but these flowers would have been perfect for you. They were in a wreath and they had a ribbon that said ’REST IN PEACE’ on it AND YOU’RE ALWAYS ASKING FOR A LITTLE PEACE SO YOU CAN REST."
The story is told about a small, country church where the pastor called a special meeting of the congregation to approve the purchase of a brand new chandelier. After some discussion pro and con, an old farmer stood up and said, "Buying a new chandelier may seem like a good idea to you, but I’m against it for three reasons. First of all, it’s too expensive and we can’t afford one. Second, there isn’t anybody around here who knows how to play one. And third, what we really need in this church is a new light fixture."
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