Illustration results for relationships
During a trial, in a small Missouri town, the local prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken, and poised. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God.
The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’” She responded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you quite well.”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”
She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The man can’t build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him.”
The defense attorney almost fainted. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, “If either of you morons asks her if she knows me, you’re going to jail.”
SUCKED IN, WASHED UP, AND BLOWN OVER
Chippie the parakeet never saw it coming. One second he was peacefully perched in his cage. The next he was sucked in, washed up, and blown over.
The problems began when Chippie’s owner decided to clean Chippie’s cage with a vacuum cleaner. She removed the attachment from the end of the hose and stuck it in the cage. The phone rang, and she turned to pick it up. She’d barely said "hello" when "ssssopp!" Chippie got sucked in.
The bird owner gasped, put down the phone, turned off the vacuum, and opened the bag. There was Chippie -- still alive, but stunned.
Since the bird was covered with dust and soot, she grabbed him and raced to the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and held Chippie under the running water. Then, realizing that Chippie was soaked and shivering, she did what any compassionate bird owner would do . . . she reached for the hair dryer and blasted the pet with hot air.
Poor Chippie never knew what hit him.
A few days after the trauma, the reporter who’d initially written about the event contacted Chippie’s owner to see how the bird was recovering. "Well," she replied, "Chippie doesn’t sing much anymore -- he just sits and stares."
It’s hard not to see why. Sucked in, washed up, and blown over . . . That’s enough to steal the song from the stoutest heart.
SOURCE: Max Lucado, In the Eye of the Storm, Word Publishing, 1991, p. 11.
Contributed by: Mark Beaird
So many people in relationships try to change the other person. Reminds me of the young fiancé who, after learning that her husband to be didn’t believe like she did, cried to her mother saying, “Mom, what should I do? How can I change his thinking? He says he doesn’t believe in hell?” The Mother said, “Honey, that’s alright, you marry him and both of us will make him believe in hell.”
WHAT'S GOD GOT TO DO WITH IT?
If you “Google” the word love, and you have to be very careful doing this, you will find all sorts of websites,120,000,000 to be exact. Here are some examples that you will find:
I love Dogs.com
I love Cats.com (Although this one is a plea to spay or neuter)
I love Cheese. Com
I love Lucy.com
We love the Iraqi Information Minister.com
True Romance Dating Service.com
The Love Calculator.com On this site you type in your name and your mate...
WHAT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH
How carefully do you monitor what goes into your mouth, compared to what comes out of it? For example, do you follow a low-fat diet? Do you obsessively track the grams of fat going into your body? Do you watch the number of calories that you consume? Do you avoid refined sugars? Do you limit your caffeine? Do you eat only dolphin-safe tuna? Are you a locavore, someone who eats only food grown locally? Are you a vegetarian or a vegan? Do you eat only free-range chicken? Do you shun high fructose corn syrup? Do you buy organic milk? Organic fruit? Organic soap? Heirloom tomatoes? Do you use sea salt instead of table salt? Purchase only beef that’s produced without the use of bovine growth hormone? Cook with olive oil instead of Crisco? Drink bottled water from the island of Fiji?
The bad news is that you can do all of those things, and you’ll still die. Their value is limited. These practices may make you a little healthier, and definitely a little poorer, but their value is temporary. None of the foods that you are avoiding or limiting can defile you. They can’t soil you spiritually. They can’t make you any less pleasing to God.
Now, compared to the care you take in controlling what goes into your mouth, how careful are you to control what comes out of your mouth? Do you apply as much energy, and planning, and self-discipline to controlling your speech as you apply to controlling your calories, or your fat grams, or your carbohydrates? If not, then you’re focusing on the wrong thing. Because Jesus says that what comes out of your mouth can defile you.
"Rules of Male-Female Relationships"
1. The Female always makes the Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No Male can possibly know all the Rules.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all the Rules, she must immediately change some or all of the Rules.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant Misunderstanding, which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize IMMEDIATELY for causing the Misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. Any attempt to document these Rules could result in bodily harm to the Male.
Bedouin camel drivers in the mid-East understand how relationships can get out-of-balance this way. Camels are notoriously moody. Their selfish ways are legendary.
From time to time a camel-driver senses his camel is fed-up with the owner. Wanting to head-off an explosion, the owner will hand his own outer coat to the camel. The camel will bite, spit-at, and trample the coat into the desert floor, until all that is left is a thread or two. Once the camel’s anger is spent, the relationship can get back on balance.
A church just had a change of ministers and was to be served by their first woman pastor. One of the parishioners was having a hard time accepting it, not because of any prejudice, but because his favorite pastime was fishing, and he had always enjoyed taking the pastor fishing. He just automatically assumed a woman pastor might not know anything about fishing. And in this particular case, he was right. But when she found out that he had always had this relationship with pastors in the past, she approached him and announced that whenever he wanted to go, she would enjoy going fishing with him. The time came when they decided to go, and when they had gotten into the boat and anchored down, he found out very quickly that she knew nothing about baiting a hook, so he had to bait the hook for her. When she hooked her first fish, he realized she knew nothing about how to reel it in, so he had to help her reel it in. Then, of course, he had to take the fish off the hook as well. The result was that the man really got no fishing done himself that day. Then the wind began to blow, and she was cold, so she mentioned that she should have brought her jacket from the c...
(IL) Sometimes we’re like the couple who were with some friends and the
subject of marriage counseling came up. Mary said, “Oh, Tom and I
will never need counseling. We have a great relationship. He was a
communications major in college and I majored in drama. He
communicates real well and I just act like I’m listening.”
R. Darrel Davis
Brenda Goodine shares a story about her friend who decided to talk to her bright four-year-old son, Benji, about receiving Christ. “Benji,” she asked quietly, “would you like to have Jesus in your heart?” Benji thought for a few minutes and then rolling his blue eyes answered, “No. I don’t think I want the responsibility.” Benji realized what many Christians still have not figured out: salvation is a free gift but it comes with some strings attached. Service is not an option for a follower of Jesus – it is a natural outgrowth of our relationship with Christ. Are you serving the Lord?