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THE LAMP UNDER THE BED
I heard about a couple who received a set of two horrible bedside table lamps as a wedding present from a distant aunt. Since the lamps were so ugly, this couple didn't want to actually use them, so they put them in storage and bought a nicer set themselves. That worked for a while, but a few years later, this particular relative came to a family celebration. Knowing she would be there, the couple quickly set up the aunt's lamps on the tables and hid their usual ones under the bed.
When time came to show the aunt around the house, the wife said, "Come and see how nice your lamps look in our bedroom."
She turned on the switch on the wall -- and suddenly an intense luminosity emerged from under the bed.....
Oops! How embarrassing! I am reminded of the following statement made by Jesus:
"[Jesus] said to them, 'Is a lamp brought to be put under a basket or under a bed? Is it not to be set on a lampstand? For there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light.' " (Mark 4:21-22)
Frequently in the wedding service we have the ceremony of lighting the unity candle by the bride and groom. The couple each takes a small burning candle, representing their solitary life thus far, and together they light the large, center, wedding candle. When they put their small candles back into their holders, they can either extinguish them, or leave them burning to represent their unique personalities.
During the wedding it is interesting to see whether they leave the individual candles aglow or put them out. At a recent wedding, the bride and groom put the individual candles back into their holders with the flames burning.
Then the bride, with an impish gleam in her eye, bent over and blew out her husband’s candle. The congregation burst into laughter. Later, one fellow commented: “During the marriage ceremony two become one --- on the honeymoon they discover which one.” (from Parables, etc 5/83 pg. 5)
Here’s a list of all variations of the "God Speaks" billboards that appeared in the Metropolitan Dallas-Fort Worth area. The billboards are a simple black background with white text. No fine print or sponsoring organization is included. The sponsorship for these “God Speaks” billboards is anonymous.
“Let’s meet at my house Sunday before the game.” - God
“C’mon over and bring the kids.” - God
“What part of "Thou Shalt Not...didn’t you understand?” - God
“We need to talk.” - God
“Keep using my name in vain, I’ll make rush hour longer.” - God
“Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.” - God
“That `Love Thy Neighbor‘ thing... I meant it.” - God
“I love you and you and you and you and... “ - God
“Will the road you’re on get you to my place?” - God
“Follow me.” -God
“Big bang theory, you’ve got to be kidding.” - God
“My way is the highway.” - God
“Need directions?” - God
“You think it’s hot here?” - God
“Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test.” - God
“Do you have any idea where you’re going?” - God
And now here is one “God Speaks” that we might apply to ourselves in our daily life:
"Don’t make me come down there.” - God
There was a teenage boy and his grandfather who went fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young fellow picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and sexually transmitted diseases going around. The teen says, "Grandpa, they didn’t have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young di...
Great Reasons To Be A Guy
· Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
· You can kill your own food.
· Three pairs of shoes are way more than enough.
· You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
· Wedding dress: $2,000. Tuxedo rental: $75.
· If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become life-long friends.
· You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
· The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
· One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen(16)", was his prompt reply.
"How do u know that?" asked the cousin.
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up."
Preacher said, "4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer!"
The boys were setting themselves up for moral corruption.
God’s people must be morally pure.
Questions about love, marriage and sex were posed to kids ages 5 to 10. Here are a few of their responses:
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(Judy, 8) “Eight-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.”
WHEN IS IT OK TO KISS SOMEONE?
(Jim, 10) “You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, ‘cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.”
HOW CAN PEOPLE MAKE LOVE LAST?
(Roger, 8) “Don’t forget your wife’s name. That will mess up the love.”
Great Reasons To Be A Guy
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You can kill your own food.
• Three pairs of shoes are way more than enough.
• You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
• Wedding dress: $2,000. Tuxedo rental: $75.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become life-long friends.
• You are not expected to kn...
Advertisement: Wedding dress for sale. Wore once by mistake.
One of the most frequent headlines the past several months has been the Firestone tire safety issue on certain Ford Sport Utility Vehicles. However, not only have these two companies been linked together by business deals, they have also been linked together by marriage.
In 1947 Harvey Firestone, Jr.’s daughter Martha married the grandson of Henry Ford, William Clay Ford, who I believe still owns the Detroit Lions football team.
The Ford party traveled to Akron for the wedding in brand new Lincolns that were dutifully parked in the Firestone executive garage.
It was called to Mr. Firestone’s attention by the garage manager that all of the Lincolns had Goodyear tires and would Mr. Firestone like to kid Mr. Ford’s father, Edsel Ford, about this?
"No," was the reply with a big grin. "Just jack up all of the Lincolns, take off the Goodyear’s, and put on ours!"
As the manager went off to do that, Firestone turned to the reporter of this story and said with a twinkle, "I’m not going to have a daughter of mine married on Goodyear tires."