Illustration results for the three hebrew boys
As we begin this new series on the Bible I thought I’d share some Biblical Bloopers with you. These are s-lightly skewed scriptural insights from children of Christian and Jewish faiths:
- In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took
the Sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is
bread made without any ingredients.
- The Egyptians were all drowned in the desert.
- Afterward. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
- The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
- The Fifth Commandment is "Humor thy father and mother."
- The Seventh Commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery."
- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed
- Solomon, one of David’s sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
- When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
- When the three wise guys from the east side showed up, they found Jesus and the
- Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption. St. John, the Blacksmith,
dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which is "Do one to others before they do one to
- The Bible says a man is only supposed to have one wife. This is called monotony.
©1998 John Boy & Billy Inc.
My colleague and friend, Rev David Snuggs, spent three weeks in Israel recently and he was deeply affected by hearing young Hebrew voices calling out, “abba!” One young lad was really excited about showing something to his dad: “abba, abba!” At the beach a boy was struggling in the water and he called out to his dad, “abba, abba!” On another occasion a different Dad, abba, had lost his children and he (abba) was searching for them. These events had a profound impact upon David and upon his understanding of the fact that we are Abba’s children.
Sermon Central Staff
"GOD, PLEASE SAVE MY SON."
Imagine what went through Moses’ mother’s heart when she turned her just weaned child over to Pharaoh’s daughter. Pharaoh’s daughter was a stranger, a foreigner, living in an anti-Semitic home, whose father was pursuing genocide, trying to wipe out the Hebrew race.
Moses’ mother had to feel like Tracinda Foxe when she dropped her one-month old baby, Eric, from a third story window to save him from a fire in their apartment. In December of 2005, Foxe’s apartment building in the Bronx caught on fire. With flames quickly engulfing her third floor bedroom, Tracinda leaned out the window with her baby. A group of onlookers had gathered some 30 feet below her open window and watched with growing concern as smoke billowed around the mother and her baby.
Finally, with all other options exhausted, Tracinda let go (video, www.metacafe.com/watch/53834/amazing_baby_catch). The infant tumbled three stories down into the waiting arms of Felix Vazquez, a Housing Authority employee and catcher on a local baseball team. Vazquez, trained as a lifeguard, performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on the baby, which saved its life.
Moments later, Tracinda was rescued from her apartment by firefighters, and was reunited with her child. Neither was seriously injured. Later, when someone asked her about the painful decision to drop her baby from the window, Tracinda said: "I prayed that someone would catch him and save his life ... I said, 'God, please save my son.'" (Catherine Donaldson-Evans, “The Good News of 2005,” Foxnews.com, 12-30-05)
I’m sure Moses’s mother felt the same way, dropping her little boy into the arms of Pharaoh’s daughter, praying that God would save his life!
(From a sermon by C. Philip Green, Lessons from Failure, 6/21/2012)
One Sunday, the Minister was giving a sermon on baptism and in the coarse of his sermon he was illustrating the fact that baptism should take place by sprinkling and not by immersion.
He pointed out some instances in the Bible.
He said that when John the Baptist baptized Jesus in the River Jordan, it didn’t mean in - it meant close to, round about, or nearby.
And again when it says in the Bible that Philip baptized the eunuch in the river, it didn’t mean in - it meant close to, round about, or nearby.
After the service, a man came up to the minister and told him it was a great sermon, one of the best he had ever heard, and that it had cleared up a great many mysteries he had encountered in the Bible.
"For instance," he said, "the story about Jonah getting swallowed by the whale has always bothered me.
Now I know that Jonah wasn’t really in the whale, but close to, round about, or nearby—swimming in the water.
Then there is the story about the three young Hebrew boys who were thrown into the furious furnace, but were not burned.
Now I see that they were not really in the fire, just close to, round about, or nearby—just keeping warm.
But the hardest of all the stories for me to believe has always been the story of Daniel getting thrown into th...