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THE ARREST
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain..."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say..."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you the Chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
BASEBALL AND GOLF
One of my tasks as an associate pastor was to go through the list of people who were on the rolls, but didn't come to church anymore. My task was to visit these people, find out why they chose not to attend the church anymore, and then try to convince them to give it another try. So late one morning I went out to visit an elderly gentleman who was on the church rolls, but never attended.
He had a beautiful house, quite large and elaborate, not unusual for the members of that congregation. We sat down in the living room to talk and after a little chit chat he informed me that he had some friends he needed to join for a round of golf – clearly, he was not thrilled that his wife had said yes to me coming to visit that day.
I asked him if he had been playing golf long, or if he was just learning to play the game. He looked at me as if I was completely out of my mind and blurted out, "Don't you know who I am? How could you say an insulting thing like that?"
Now, I had no idea who he was, to me, he was a name on a list of church non-attendees that I needed to visit. To me, he was just an fairly well off retired American who wasn’t going to church
Well, he got quite animated and told me that not only was he a retired professional golfer, but that he was also a retired professional baseball pitcher. He went on and on about the tournaments he had won and about the different professional baseball teams he had played for. Well, I'm not a sports guy, and so all of his references just had me drawing a blank. Finally, exasperated he led me to his trophy room.
His trophy room was lined with trophies and awards. There were signed baseball bats and gloves. There were piles of old baseballs, several sets of golf clubs and quite a few old photographs. He led me over to the photos and pointed himself out, clearly a player for professional baseball teams. "What do you think of all this?" he inquired at the exact same time that I blurted out – "Hey I know these guys, that's the Mr. Coffee guy, Joe DiMaggio and that's Mickey Mantle." Indeed, the man I was visiting was in uniform in the photo standing next right next to Joe DiMaggio and Mickey Mantle.
All this turned out to be too much for this man. He shouted at me, "You recognize Joe DiMaggio and you recognize Mickey Mantle, but you don't know who I am!" and he ushered me right out of the house.
As I walked to my car, I thought, "THAT didn’t go too well," realizing that he certainly wasn't coming back to church anytime soon.
SERVANTS AND SONS
Imagine at Mt. Sinai with all the lightning, thunder, smoke and the threat of death to any person or animal that even came close to the mountain, and how the people shuddered with fear as God was soon to speak His commandments. How would it have been if, after God had spoken through Moses and Moses had come down and shown the people the tablets, that someone had stepped forward and said "Well, thank you God for the revelation of your will, now let me just add a few words. I don’t think 10 are quite enough. Here, let me add number eleven.” What would have happened to such a man? Why everyone agrees that such a man would have been swallowed up by the earth for his heresy, not to mention arrogance. No one at that point would have even, in their wildest imaginings, would dare think of doing such a thing. And that was the law through Moses! How much worse it will be, when God has spoken through Jesus, His son, who is deity, for those who have stepped forward and added such writings as, the Book of Mormon, the Koran, the Pearl of Great Price, etc., etc.
Let all the world keep our mouths shut in silence before the ultimate and final revelation from God. Jesus himself illustrated this in Mt. 21 in the parable of the king who sent servants and the people killed them, and he said surely if I send my son, they will listen to him, and when the son arrived, they killed him too! The word from a servant of the king carries a lot of weight, but what about a personal word from the Kings Son? People had better listen closely to what the Son says.
Wait? -- I don't have to wait!! Why doesn't God just get up to speed?
Well, what if I we're going to go under a surgeons knife to redo my face - but I wanted to stay awake during the operation so that I could freely give out my counsel to the surgeon - and tell him to hurry! Hurry! If he was to start hacking and slashing at my urging - what kind of an outcome do you think I'd get? "Well, doctor this isn't what we agreed on! - shouldn't my nose be a little more centered on my face?"
God is doing a work in you/me that will last eternity - the process is delicate - it takes time - but the outcome is worth enduring...
JOB AND FRIENDLY FIRE
Friendly fire occurs when there was intent to do harm to the enemy which causes injury to your own side. According to the website of the American War Library, just over half of the coalition troops killed or injured during the 1991 Gulf War were victims of friendly fire incidents. Of those, about 165 US casualties were due to "friendly fire" out of a total of 367 who lost their lives. Eliphaz is treating Job as the enemy and his friendly fire is relentless.
I grew up in a household that loved to argue the point. I remember countless hours of debate about issues that really weren't worth debating about. The struggle was to arrive at the end with something plausible enough to win. As the argument progressed the aggressive nature of our voices would rise and fall. Sometimes I would throw in things that were hurtful to disrupt the thinking of the other person when they were beginning to make sense. There were key phrases that I knew I could resort to which would reduce my Mum to tears. I could always condescendingly apologise later.
A good friend will cheer you up when you are in hospital and experiencing incredible pain and suffering. Not Eliphaz the Temanite! When Job seeks to explain to Him that he does not know why God has a heavy hand upon him (isn't that a great way of expressing it), Eliphaz says, in a loving way (not!), "A wise man wouldn't answer with such empty talk! You are nothing but a windbag. The wise don't engage in empty chatter. What good are such words?" (Job 15:2 NLT). He's right of course, but he isn't putting it into practise himself. A wise person will stop the debate at this point and start praying for the poor guy instead of trying to take him out with accusations about his sin.
LET THE MASTER PLAY
An organist was practicing one day in a great church in Europe. As he was playing, a man came up to the organ and asked if he could play.
The organist looked at him and thought to himself. "I shouldn’t let this man play, just look at him, he is unshaven, his clothes are soiled, he looks like a down and out." So he told the man no.
But the unkempt stranger asked again and again. Finally the organist let him play, thinking he couldn’t play very long, for what does a down and out know about organs.
The down and out’s fingers danced over the keyboard in a way the organist hadn’t heard in his lifetime. The stranger played on and on. The organist was spellbound.
When the stranger got up to leave, the organist could not contain himself and said, "Who are you - what is your name??"
As the down-and-out slowly walked away, he turned and said over his shoulder, "My name is Felix Mendelssohn."
The organist gasped. He said to himself, "I almost did not let the master play."
The organist had almost let his prejudice get the better of him – and would have missed out on one of the most awesome moments of his playing career.
"MONSTROUS" PREACHING
In the 18th Century, Selina Hastings, Countess of Huntington invited the Duchess of Buckingham to come and hear George Whitfield preach.
After listening to Whitfield, the Duchess wrote to the Countess of Huntington about the Gospel that Whitefield and his fellow "Methodists" preached in the following terms:
"It is monstrous to be told that you have a heart as sinful as the common wretches that crawl on the earth. This is highly offensive and insulting; and I cannot but wonder that your Ladyship should relish any sentiments so much at variance with high rank and good breeding."
(George Whitefield and the Great Awakening -- John Pollock p.95).
FAKE SEATBELTS and SUBMISSION
Seatbelts can be a hassle. Some people just don’t want to be bothered even when the law requires them to buckle up. According to the Associated Press, a New Zealander named Ivan Segedin took it to an extreme.
The police ticketed him 32 times over five years for failing to use his seat belt. Even though this was costing him big money, Segedin refused to buckle up. Finally, instead of obeying the law, the man decided to rely on deception. He made a fake seat belt that would hang over his shoulder and make it appear that he was wearing a seat belt when he was not.
His trick worked for a while. Then, he had a head-on collision. He was thrown forward onto the steering wheel and killed.
Discussing the accident, the coroner described the fake seat belt: "Though his car was fitted with seat belts, an extra belt with a long strap had been ...
WHO IS THE SHEPHERD?
Keith Miller writes, "Years ago, when our daughters were very young, we'd drop them off at our church's children's chapel on Sundays before the eleven o'clock service. One Sunday, just as I was about to open the door to the small chapel, the minister came rushing up. He said he had an emergency and asked if I'd speak to the children at their story time. He said the subject was the Twenty-third Psalm.
Just as I was about to get up from the back row and talk about the good shepherd, the minister burst into the room and signaled to me that he would be able to do the story time after all. He told the children about sheep, that they weren't smart and needed lots of guidance, and that a shepherd's job was to stay close to the sheep, protect them from wild animals and keep them from wandering off and doing dumb things that would get them hurt or killed. He pointed to the little children in the room and said that they were the sheep and needed lots of guidance.
Then the minister put his hands out to the side, palms up in a dramatic gesture, and with raised eyebrows said to the children, "If you are the sheep then who is the shepherd?" He was pretty obviously indicating himself.
A silence of a few seconds followed. Then a young visitor said, "Jesus, Jesus is the shepherd."
The young minister, obviously caught by surprise, said to the boy, "Well, then, who am I?"
The little boy frowned and then said with a shrug "I guess you must be a sheep dog."
I remember the look on that young minister's face every time I get to thinking that I'm the shepherd in charge of some of God's sheep. There's only one shepherd of the flock--and I'm not He.
A REGGIE JACKSON PERSPECTIVE
Dave Bosewell tells the story of Earl Weaver who was the manager of the Baltimore Orioles and how he handled slugger Reggie Jackson. Weaver had a rule that no one could steal a base unless the steal sign was given. This upset Jackson because he knew pitchers and catchers well enough so he could steal without a sign. So one day he did just that. He stole second base without the sign. He made it easy and was very satisfied with himself.
Later Weaver took Jackson aside and explained why there was no steal sign given. First of all, the next batter was the best power hitter they had besides Jackson. When Jackson stole second, the other team just walked the next batter so he didn’t have a chance to hit. The next batter up had never been very strong against this pitcher so Weaver decided to send in a pinch hitter to try to drive in the two men on base. This left Weaver without bench strength later in the game when he needed it.
The problem was that Jackson only saw the game from his perspective. He was only concerned about himself. Weaver could see the whole game and knew what was needed and when. So when he sends the signal not to steal second, it is best that you don’t do it. Jackson didn’t really get it. The same can be said of God. When He tells us to do something or not, it is best to obey. And God does these things as He sees the whole picture and talks to us through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is kind of like God’s manager here on earth.
(From a sermon by John Bergh, "Turn The Power On," 4/22/2011)
