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A vicar was retiring after 25 years in the parish. As he came to clear out his bedroom he found a small bowl with 5 eggs and £1,000 pounds in.
Baffled he called his wife and said: Darling, what is this little basket under the bed with five eggs and £1,000 in.
"Oh " she said " I must confess that everytime you preach a bad sermon I put an egg in the basket"
Secretly the vicar was pleased: "Not bad five bad sermons in 25 years" he thought:
"And what about the £1,000?"
"Well every time I get a dozen, I sell them!"
Three boys in the school yard were bragging about who had the better father. The first boy says, "My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $100." The second boy says, "That’s
nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $1000." The third boy
says, "My Dad is even better than that. He scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes six
men just to collect all the money!"
Gregory Dawson
Once there was a traveling preacher who was making his rounds to several preaching points. One of these preaching locations was the edge of a corn field. Arriving early at the corn field the preacher found himself alone. He decided to wait and see if anyone came to hear his sermon. Finally a lone farmer appeared raising the congregational count to two. The preacher asked the farmer if he should go ahead and preach since there were only the two of them. The farmer said,
“Well, I’m only a simple farmer. But if I went to the barn to feed the cows
and only one cow showed up to eat, I’d still feed her.”
Hearing this the preacher went ahead and preached. At times his voice raised to shouting. At times he raised his hands and waved his Bible. All to emphasize his biblical points. With sweat pouring down his face the preacher finally finished and then asked the farmer what he thought of the sermon. The farmer said,
“Well, I’m only a simple farmer. But if I went to the barn to feed the cows
and only one cow showed up to eat, I’d still feed her.
But I wouldn’t feed her the whole blasted barn.”
Vacationing in Arizona, a group of British tourists spots a cowboy by the side of the road, with his ear to the ground. "What’s going on?" they asked.
"Two horses, one grey- one chestnut, are puliing a wagon carrying 2 men" the cowboys says.
"One man is wearing a red shirt and the other a black shirt." "They’re heading east."
"Wow, You can tell all t...
There was once a pastor who had a little five year old daughter. Now the little girl notice that every time her dad stood behind the pulpit, and was getting ready to preach he would bow his head for moment before he began to preach. The little girl noticed that he did this every time.
So one day after the service the little girl when to her dad and asked him, “Why do you bow your head right before you preach your sermon?”
“Well Honey” the preacher answered, “ I asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”
The little girl looked up at her father and asked, “Then how come he doesn’t do it?”
On Christmas afternoon, the Pastor’s wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried." Her husband looked over at her & said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, & give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?"
"Dearest," she replied, "I had to listen to all of them."
Richard Baxter, the Puritan preacher of the 17th century conveys the urgency, the zeal of Christian witness when he said, "I preached as never sure to preach again, and as a dying man to dying men!"
A preacher saw a man who looked homeless sitting on a park bench and seemed to be in deep distress so he passed by him, handed him a $20 bill and whispered to him, “Never Despair”. The next day the preacher saw the man coming toward him hurriedly and gave him $60. The preacher asked what that was and the man...
Michael TKACHUK
Like John the Baptist, Charles Spurgeon, a Baptist minister, also preached fire and brimstone sermons. For that, he was greatly criticized in the newspapers. Articles appeared regularly disapproving of his methods, his motives, his mannerisms, and his messages. He was made to look like a villain in cartoons, and caricatures. Several writers questioned whether he was even a Christian. Not long before he died, one of his friends came to visit him in his study and said, “Do you know, Mr. Spurgeon, some people think you are conceited.”
Mr. Spurgeon thought about that for a moment, smiled, and said, “Do you see those bookshelves? They contain hundreds, nay thousands of sermons translated into every language under the heaven. Well, now, add to this that ever since I was twenty one years old, there never has been built a place large enough to hold the number of people who wished to hear me preach, and, upon my honor, when I think of it, I would wonder (am surprised) I am not more conceited than I am.”
Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
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