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ALL MOMS KNOW THIS STUFF
One mom was out walking with her 4-year-old daughter when her girl picked up something from the ground and started to put it in her mouth. The mother tells what happens in her own words:
"I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that." My daughter quickly asked, "Why?" "Because it's been lying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs," I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
I thought quickly and said, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, as she pondered this new information. "Oh...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy?"
I smiled and replied, "Exactly."
(From a sermon by Mark Opperman, Mothers: Guardians of the Heart, 6/19/2012)
MOTHERHOOD OUT OF ORDER
There was a cartoon that portrayed a three-year-old, freckle-faced boy in a hallway. His pajamas are unsnapped, his diaper’s bagging, and he’s got a little teddy bear dangling in his hand. He is standing in front of his mother and father’s bedroom door, which is shut. On the door is a little sign written by a weary mother: "Closed for Business. Motherhood Out of Order."
(From a sermon by J. Jeffrey Smead, Mothers Are Extra Special - With Humor, 5/13/2012)
A MOTHER'S MARRED HANDS
There was a teenager who didn’t want to be seen in public with her mother, because her mother’s arms were terribly disfigured. One day when her mother took her shopping and reached out her hand, a clerk looked horrified. Later, crying, the girl told her how embarrassed she was.
Understandably hurt, the mother waited an hour before going to her daughter’s room to tell her, for the first time, what happened.
"When you were a baby, I woke up to a burning house. Your room was an inferno. Flames were everywhere. I could have gotten out the front door, but I decided I’d rather die with you than leave you to die alone. I ran through the fire and wrapped my arms around you. Then I went back through the flames, my arms on fire. When I got outside on the lawn, the pain was agonizing but when I looked at you, all I could do was rejoice that the flames hadn’t touched you."
Stunned, the girl looked at her mother through new eyes. Weeping in shame and gratitude, she kissed her mother’s marred hands and arms.
(Source: Randy Alcorn. From a sermon by Billy Ricks, Suffering, 2/27/2011)
WHAT MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
My mother taught me RELIGION: When I spilled grape juice on the carpet, she instructed, "You better pray the stain will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me LOGIC: From her decisive words, "Because I said so, that’s why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep laughing, and I’ll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You’ll sit there ’til all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."...
Little children can come up with some very interesting ideas. Listen to what some children wrote to their mothers for Mother’s Day.
Angie, 8 years old, wrote: "Dear Mother, I’m going to make dinner for you on Mother’s Day. It’s going to be a surprise. P.S. I hope you like pizza & popcorn."
Robert wrote: "I got you a turtle for Mother’s Day. I hope you like the turtle better than the snake I got you last year."
Eileen wrote: "Dear Mother, I wish Mother’s Day wasn’t always on Sunday. It would be better if it were on Monday so we wouldn’t have to go to school."
Little Diane wrote: "I hope you like the flowers I got you for Mother’s Day. I picked them myself when Mr. Smith wasn’t looking."
And how about this one from Carol? "Dear Mother, Here are two aspirins. Have a happy Mother’s Day!"
A boy got his first job. As he was boasting about the amount of work he did, he said, "I get up at 5 a.m. and have my breakfast." He was asked, "Does anyone else get up too?" He replied, "Oh yes, mother gets up and fixes my breakfast and then fixes dad’s breakfast."
"And what about your dinner?" The boy said, "Oh, mother, fixes that too."
"Does your mother have the afternoon to herself?" The boy replied, "No, mama cleans the house, looks after the other children, and then gets supper for me and dad when we come home. Then we watch TV before we go to bed."
"What about your mother? What does she do?" The boy replied, "Mama washes some clothes and irons the rest of the evening."
"Do you get paid?" "Of course, Dad and I get paid."
"And what about your mother, does she get paid too?"
The boy replied, "MOTHER, GET PAID?! MOTHER DON’T GET PAID. SHE DON’T DO NO WORK."
YOU’RE THE BEST
My mother said to me, "If you become a soldier you’ll be a general; if you become a monk you’ll end up as the pope." Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.
SOURCE: Pablo Picasso, Spanish artist. Citation: Celebrating Mother: A Book of Appreciation. Edited by Glorya Hale and Carol Kelly-Gangi. MetroBooks, 2002. pg. 63.
THE EVOLUTION OF MOTHERS
Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having the first.
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your doctor
confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing
religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother practicing because you remember that last
time, breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th
month.
The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them,
and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes
are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?
Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick
up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to
complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby:...
MOM IS AMAZING
When I was small, I always thought my mother was omniscient because she knew where everything was. I’d say, "Mom, where are my mitts?" And she’d say, "They’re under the bed" just like that. When I looked, there they were.
As I grew older, I realized she wasn't omniscient; she just saw them on the floor and kicked them under the bed. It was her way of getting the housework done in a hurry.
"SO YOU WON'T BE AFRAID"
In one of the Nazi death camps, Solomon Rosenberg lived and suffered with his family. It was a work camp, which meant a person had value and stayed out of the ovens as long as he or she could work. Solomon’s parents, aged and broken, were already gone. Now he feared his youngest son David would be next, because he was slightly crippled and able to work less and less. Solomon returned every night to the barracks with fear and trembling wondering if this had been the day the unthinkable had happened. So each night, upon his return, his eyes quickly searched for David, his wife, and his oldest son, Jacob.
Then came the night he feared--as his eyes darted around the room he saw none of his family. So he frantically searched again, and then saw Jacob hunched over and weeping. He hurried to Jacob and said, "Son, tell me it isn’t so. Did they take David today?"
"Yes, Papa – today they came to take David. They said he could no longer do his work."
"But," said Solomon, "where is Mama? She still is strong. Surely they wouldn’t have taken Mama too?"
Jacob now looked at his father through tearful eyes and said, "Papa. Papa. When they came to take David, he was afraid. And he cried. And so Mama said to David, 'Don’t cry David. I will go with you and hold you close.'" So Mama went with David, so David wouldn’t be afraid.
So, in Jesus, God goes with us, God suffers and dies with us. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death ...I will fear no evil… for you are with me."
