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"I TITHE--HE'LL FIND ME."
Two men have ended up marooned on an island in the South Pacific. You can fill in the blanks as to how they got there.
So they are on the clichéic deserted island, one palm tree, nothing to see but the ocean. One guy is in a complete panic, pacing back and forth, ranting about how they are going to die, hungry and alone, that nobody will stumble on them until they are nothing but bones. The other guy is sitting under the tree snoozing.
Finally the first man can't stand it anymore and he demands "What's wrong with you, don't you understand the situation?"
To which the reply came "Sure I do, we are stranded on this island hundreds of miles from anywhere"
"Well aren't you worried?"
"Nope" came the reply "I make $10,000.00 a week."
The first guy was at a complete loss, "What does that have to do with anything, you have no access to the money and no place to spend it if you did."
To which the second guy replied "No you don't understand, I make $10,000.00 a week and I tithe, my pastor will find me."
IGNORING THE WARNINGS
Listen to this description of the 1986 Chernobyl nuclear disaster in northern Ukraine:
"There were two electrical engineers in the control room that night, and the best thing that could be said for what they were doing is they were 'playing around' with the machine. They were performing what the Soviets later described as an unauthorized experiment. They were trying to see how long a turbine would 'free wheel' when they took the power off it.
"Now, taking the power off that kind of a nuclear reactor is a difficult, dangerous thing to do, because these reactors are very unstable in their lower ranges. In order to get the reactor down to that kind of power, where they could perform the test they were interested in performing, they had to override manually six separate computer-driven alarm systems.
"One by one the computers would come up and say, 'Stop! Dangerous! Go no further!' And one by one, rather than shutting off the experiment, they shut off the alarms and kept going. You know the results: nuclear fallout that was recorded all around the world, from the largest industrial accident ever to occur in the world."
This city, which formerly had 55,000 people, is now largely abandoned.
The instructions and warnings in Scripture are just as clear. We ignore them at our own peril, and tragically, at the peril of innocent others.
EATING A BALD EAGLE
A forest ranger is making rounds in a remote part of the wooded reserve when he comes across an unkempt man, sitting at a make-shift campfire, and, to the ranger's astonishment, eating a fish and a bald eagle.
The man is consequently put in jail for the crime. He was soon brought to trial for his crime. The Judge asked the man, "Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?"
"Yes, I do, Judge," replied the man, "but if you will let me argue my case, I'll explain what happened."
"You may proceed."
"I got lost in the woods and hadn't had anything real to eat for two weeks," the man explained. "I was so hungry, I was eating plants to stay alive. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake grabbing a fish. I thought 'If I startled the eagle, I could maybe steal the fish.' Low and behold, the eagle lighted upon a nearby tree stump to eat the fish. I threw a stone toward the eagle hoping he would drop the fish and fly away. Unfortunately, in my weakened condition, my aim was off, and the rock hit the eagle squarely on his poor little head, and it killed him. I thought long and hard about what had happened, but figured that since I had killed it, I might as well eat it, since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground."
The Judge says he would take a recess to analyze the defendant's testimony. Fifteen minutes goes by, and the Judge returns.
"Due to the extreme circumstances you were under and because you didn't intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges." The Judge then leans over the bench and whispers: "If you don't mind my asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?"
"Well, Your Honor, it is hard to explain. I guess the best comparison I can make is, it's a bit more tender than a California Condor, but lacks the tang of a Spotted Owl."
(From a sermon by J.D. Tutell, He Prepares a Table, 2/3/2011)
Unused Spiritual Resources
During Superbowl XXXVII, FedEx ran a commercial that spoofed the movie Castaway, in which Tom Hanks played a FedEx worker whose company plane went down, stranding him on a desert island for years. Looking like the bedraggled Hanks in the movie, the FedEx employee in the commercial goes up to the door of a suburban home, package in hand.
When the lady comes to the door, he explains that he survived five years on a deserted island, and during that whole time he kept this package in order to deliver it to her. She gives a simple, "Thank you."
But he is curious about what is in the package that he has been protecting for years. He says, "If I may ask, what was in that package after all?"
She opens it and shows him the contents, saying, "Oh, n...
Just before the outbreak of the First World War, a small ship named the Endurance set sail from Briton with a crew intent on being the first to cross the South Pole. The ship reached Antarctica, but became ice bound in the Weddle Sea. Soon they had to abandon their ship and the 28-man crew took to their lifeboats. They were trapped on the ice for over a year. A desperate decision was made to take four men in a 20-foot lifeboat across the roughest sea in the world to a whaling station on South Georgia Island some 800 miles away. At the helm was a man named Worsely. All he had to guide them that 800 miles to South Georgia Island was a map, a watch, a sexton, and a compass, but it was all he needed if he used them well. A mistake as minor as being off by only one degree would have proved disastrous. The four men in that boat endured seas that raged higher than a ten-story building. They were constantly cold and wet from the waves that constantly drenched the boat. They had only the most meager of rations. The journey did not take days, but two weeks. But Worsley, whose most sophisticated tool was a compass, managed to get that lifeboat the 800 miles to South Georgia Island and eventually the entire crew of the Endurance was saved. As a result, Worsley was a hero. The whaling captains who sailed those waters considered him one of the wisest navigators in the world. Worsley was brilliant, but all of his brilliance would have been worthless if he not used the compass. Worsley was wise because he used the compass to guide him. The ancients believed that there are two types of people in the world: people who are fools and people who are wise. Being wise is a matter of using the compass you’ve been given to get where you need to go. Fools choose not to use the compass.
Church conflicts happen for pretty unusual reasons. In the 1890s there was a small Baptist church in Mayfield County, Kentucky. The church had just two deacons, and those two men seemed to be constantly arguing and bickering with each other. On a particular Sunday, one deacon put up a small wooden peg in the back wall so the pastor could hang up his hat. When the other deacon discovered the peg, he was outraged. "How dare someone put a peg in the wall without first consulting me!" The people in the church took sides and the congregation eventually split. Over a hundred years later, residents of Mayfield County still refer to the two churches as Peg Baptist and Anti-Peg Baptist.
A black man and a white man were driving down the road, debating the topic of whether Jesus was black or white. On and on they went. Back and forth. "He was white" says the white guy, "because he was jewish, and the shroud confirms, that he was caucasian. "No he was black." says the black man. "Noah’s decendants settled in ethiopia, and the lineage of Jesus is from there." The two men were so busy arguing, they weren’t watching the road and slammed into a semi, and killed both of them instantly. The two men wake up in heaven, Jesus comes around the Pearly gates and says, "BUENAS DIAS SENORS!"
Richard McNair
Colossians 3:12-3:14
1 John 4:16-4:16
Luke 2:15-2:15
1 Corinthians 16:14-16:14
Luke 2:15-2:20
1 Thessalonians 16:14-16:14
Galatians 5:22-5:23
Love is the key. Joy is love singing. Peace is love resting. Long-suffering is love enduring. Kindness is love’s touch. Goodness is love’s character. Faithfulness is love’s habit. Gentleness is love’s self-forgetfulne...
SLOW TO ANGER...
Slow to suspect - quick to trust,
Slow to condemn – quick to justify,
Slow to offend – quick to defend,
Slow to expose – quick to shield,
Slow to reprimand – quick to forbear,
Slow to belittle – quick to appreciate,
Slow to demand – quick to give,
Slow to provoke – quick to make peace,
Slow to hinder – quick to help,
Slow to resent – quick to forgive.
Source: Herald of Holiness
Bill Hybels in, The Christian in the Marketplace, says, "Dignity is available to every person in every legitimate profession. The farmer who plows the straight furrow, the accountant whose books balance, the trucker who backs a 40’ rig into a narrow loading dock, the teacher who delivers a well-prepared lesson, the carpenter who crafts a piece of furniture, the secretary who types the paper accurately, the mother who tends to her children faithfully.. all experience dignity as they commit themselves to their labors. A lot of our self worth comes from our jobs."
