Sermon Illustrations

Guys, you’d better understand this. There’s a points system at work and the ladies are keeping score. Here’s a small sample just for your information:

Duties

You make the bed +1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows -1

You throw the bed spread over the rumpled sheets -1

You leave the toilet seat up -5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it’s empty 0

You check out a suspicious noise at night 0

You check out a suspicious noise at night and it’s nothing 0

You check out a suspicious noise at night and it’s something +5

You pummel it with a six iron +10

It turns out to be her father -10

A Night Out

You take her to a movie +2

You take her to a movie she likes +4

You take her to a movie you hate +6

You take her to a movie you like -2

It’s called Death Cop 3 -3

Which features sexy cyborgs -9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly -15

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10

You develop a noticeable potbelly & resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30

You say, "I don’t care because you have one too" -800

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5 (Sensitive questions...

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