The comedian Jeff Foxworthy became famous with his routine, "You might be a redneck if . . . " Here are some of my favorites:

 You might be a redneck if the directions to your house include the phrase "turn off the paved road".

 You might be a redneck if your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.

 You might be a redneck if you took a fishing pole to Sea World.

 You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the ’fridge.

 You might be a redneck if your dad walks you to school because you’re both in the same grade.

 You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

 You might be

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