A Few Good Men [Father's Day]
Sermon shared by Jerry Shirley
Summary: They have learned to LEAN, learned to LEAD, and learned to LOVE. Men’s "funnies" included. Link included to Formatted Text Version, Handout, and Powerpoint Presentation.
Audience: General adults
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A Few Good Men
Ezekiel 22:30 "And I sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none."
Prerequisites to being a Good Father:
Being a man, functioning as a man, taking responsibility as a man, thinking like a man, acting like a man, working like a man, all of these are prerequisites to being a good Father!
You will not be a good Father until you are a good Man.
It’s a dying art today…there are not many in our nation anymore.
Thank God we DO have a few good men here…we can always use a few more!
THE MEN’S THESAURUS
(men don’t always say what they mean) – ladies, please allow me to translate for your future benefit:
When a man says “IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
He means: "I have no idea how it works"
When a man says "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD’’
He means: "I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner"
When a man says ’THAT’S INTERESTING DEAR.’
He means: "Are you still talking?"
When a man says: "IT’S A GUY THING"
He means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical"
When a man says "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER"
He means: "Why isn’t it ready yet?"
When a man says "UH HUH, SURE HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR"
He means: Absolutely nothing – It’s a conditioned response.
When a man says "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
He means: " I can remember the theme song to ‘Hogan’s Heroes’, the phone # of the first girl I ever kissed & the vehicle identification numbers of every car I ever owned – but yes, I forgot your birthday"
When a man says ’OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL"
He means: "I have probably severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt, so get over here and help me!"
When a man says ’I CAN’T FIND IT.’’
He means: "It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless"
When a man says “I HEARD YOU.”
He means: "I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you’ll not spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
When a man says "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
He means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
When a man says "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!"
He means: "Oh please don’t try on one more outfit, we’re late and I’m starving."
When a man says "I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.’’
He means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
When a man says “I don’t think I can go today.”
He means: Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, I am never going to think of it that way.
When a man says, “I don’t remember saying that.”
It’s because he means: “Anything I may have said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all past comments become null and void after 7 days.”
When a man says, “that’s not what I meant.”
He means: “If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one.
If your husband says, “honey, what color is this?”
He means: ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. I have no idea what “taupe” is.
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