Building Better Relationships Series

Why would Abimelech use this phrase? Past Experience! Abraham’s deceitfulness about Sarah’s relationship to him had caused problems in the past and Abimelech recognizes that dishonesty can be a source of conflict in the future. This leads us to principle #2 of building better relationships.

Principle # 2: Deal Honestly With Others

It is amazing how many conflicts are caused or magnified by simple dishonesty. This is a common theme in Genesis, especially in the story of how Jacob’s dishonesty led to conflict Esau and how Laban’s dishonesty led to conflict with Jacob. In Ephesians 4:25 we are told to “put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor...” The context of this Scripture passage deals with unity so it again is showing us how dishonesty spoils positive relationships. Abimelech could never have a positive relationship with Abraham until he was sure he could trust him. This could only happen if Abraham was honest from this point forward.

Principle # 2: Deal Honestly With Others

In practice this means being honest but kind about our feelings, situations, likes and dislikes, etc. In addition to his request for honesty from Abraham, Abimelech reminds Abraham of the kindness that he had shown to him even though he was "living as an alien" in the land. In essence he is saying, "When I had the upper hand I did not take advantage of your situation so you should do the same for me." Your acts of kindness in the past can be very rewarding in the future.

Principal #1: Be Proactive In Avoiding Future Conflicts

Principle # 2: Deal Honestly With Others

Read Verse 25

Principal #3: Be Open About Problems

There were few things of more importance than water in the Middle East; so many serious disputes arose over the rights to water both then and even today. Abraham could have just kept quiet and kept the peace but the reality is that such an approach would of only worsened future conflicts. It is good to overlook offenses as the Bible tells us in Proverbs 19:11 but if the problem is serious or ongoing then we are instructed to go to our brother and point out the offense as it says in Matthew 18:15.

Sometimes problems and conflicts are made much worse by not being open about the problems with the person who has offended us. We may talk to everyone else but not to them. Often in our efforts to keep the peace we make things worse by not speaking up. This is true at work where we may not be up front about issues that are bugging us. This may be the case with a neighbor when we’re not open about a serious divisive issue or it maybe in the church when we are not sharing our real concerns in an appropriate manner.

Illustration: At New Life in Christ many years ago we had division and conflict which might could have been avoided if people had been more open about their concerns about the direction of the church. For the most part people were not sharing with me the problems they were having and so I assumed everything was all right. I was just as guilty about not speaking up because I had some of the same concerns as they did but I assumed that it must just be me because everyone else "seemed" happy. In the end keeping quiet about our concerns did not solve the problem it only magnified it because eventually things came to a head like a volcano exploding under pressure. The conflict could have been handled much better if we been more open in the early stages.