Building Better Relationships

conflicts. It is good to overlook offenses as the Bible tells us in Proverbs 19:11 but if the problem is serious or ongoing then we are instructed to go to our brother and point out the offense as it says in Matthew 18:15.

Sometimes problems and conflicts are made much worse by not being open about the problems with the person who has offended us. We may talk to everyone else but not to them. Often in our efforts to keep the peace we make things worse by not speaking up. This is true at work where we may not be up front about issues that are bugging us. This may be the case with a neighbor when we’re not open about a serious divisive issue or it maybe in the church when we are not sharing our real concerns in an appropriate manner.

Illustration: At New Life in Christ many years ago we had division and conflict which might could have been avoided if people had been more open about their concerns about the direction of the church. For the most part people were not sharing with me the problems they were having and so I assumed everything was all right. I was just as guilty about not speaking up because I had some of the same concerns as they did but I assumed that it must just be me because everyone else "seemed" happy. In the end keeping quiet about our concerns did not solve the problem it only magnified it because eventually things came to a head like a volcano exploding under pressure. The conflict could have been handled much better if we been more open in the early stages.


It is easy for people to deceive themselves into thinking that if they ignore a problem long enough it will go away. Unfortunately, problems rarely--if ever--disappear. The longer we ignore them, the worse they become. Ignore a chest cold and it can become bronchitis; ignore a knock in your engine, and eventually it will blow; ignore a conflict with your child, and it can result in total rebellion.
Source: www.sermonotes.com “The People Connection” by Steve May.

Principal #3: Be Open About Problems

This principle in no way excuses unchristlike openness. We are told to approach those who have offended us, but we are to do so with love, humility, and in private.

Read Verses 26-31

Principle # 4: Do Not Make Assumptions About Another’s Knowledge Of A Problem

Apparently the complaint of Abraham’s about the well was worded in such a way that he assumed Abimelech knew of the problem because Abimelech is quick to defend himself and say, "I don’t know who has done this. You did not tell me, and I heard about it only today." Sometimes we never get problems or conflicts solved or come to a mutual understanding because the offended person assumes that the offender knows of the problem. We act as if people have a sixth sense about these things or we assume that our subtle remarks and innuendos are clear, when they are not!

Many people do not even know that they have offended you or if they do sense a hostility they are bewildered as to what the problem is. It may be obvious to you but not to the offender.

Principle # 4: Do Not Make Assumptions About Another’s Knowledge Of A Problem

Illustration: Many years ago a family left New Life in Christ after being here for many years. When I asked them why they were leaving the church they spoke of a problem that they had with how the services were conducted. They expressed that they