Father’s Day 2003
INTRO.- ILL.- A small boy said, "Father’s Day is just like Mother’s Day, only you don’t spend as much on the gift."
And I say, "What gift?"
ILL.- Mark Twain said, "When I was a boy of 14 my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to the 21, I was astonished at how much the old man learned in 7 years."
ILL.- Popular comedian/entertainer Bill Cosby wrote, "Now that my father is a grandfather he just can’t wait to give money to my kids. But when I was a kid and I asked him for 50 cents, he would tell me the story of his life. How he got up at 5 a.m. when he was 70-years-old and walked 23 miles to milk 90 cows. And the farmer for whom he worked had no bucket, so he had to squirt the milk into his little hand and then walk 8 miles to the nearest can. All for 5 cents. The result was...I never got my 50 cents.
"But now he tells my children every time he comes into the house, ’Well, let’s see how much money old Granddad has for his wonderful grandkids.’ And the minute they take money out of his hands I call them over to me and I snatch it away from them. BECAUSE THAT IS MY MONEY."
ILL.- Someone wrote these humorous word entitled, "The World According to Dad." These are words that most dads have said at some time or another to their children.
- This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.
- Quiet. I’m watching the ball game.
- Don’t forget to check the oil.
- Bring back all the change.
- How should I know? Ask your mother.
- I’m not made out of money!
- When I was your age I walked 5 miles to and from school each day and it was uphill both ways.
- You are going and you will have fun!
- Who’s paying the bills around here, anyway?
- If you break your leg don’t come running to me.
- Don’t put your feet on the furniture. Your mother will kill you.
- Get down before you kill yourself. On second thought, go ahead.
- Quit playing with your food.
- Be quiet! Can’t you see I’m trying to think!
- Why? Because I said so!
- If you don’t quit that I’m going to call your mother.
- You better get that junk picked up before your mother comes in here.
- Just wait till you have kids of your own.
- I was not asleep. I was just resting my eyes.
Brethren, I suppose we who are fathers could probably add a couple of quotes to this list.
Being a parent and a father can be an interesting and trying experience.
ILL.- Someone said, "Parents spend the first part of a child’s life urging him to talk and walk, and the rest of his childhood telling him to sit down and keep quiet."
ILL.- One father said to his teenage son, "Do you mind if I use the car tonight? I’m taking your mother out to eat and I would like to impress her."
ILL.- Father said to his daughter, "What’s wrong, Judy? Usually you talk on the phone for hours. This time you only talked for 30 minutes. How come?"
Judy replied, "It was the wrong number."
ILL.- A letter from a college student to his parents read, "Please send food packages! All they serve here is breakfast, lunch and dinner."