How to Have a Relationship that Works

is silence and the message it imparts is distance and disapproval. Men, here’s your sign – this technique is used more by husbands than wives. 4

2. You take care of your anger issues immediately

What the scripture implies here is that we absolutely must get resolution before it’s too late.

I see relationships break down all the time at this point – anger and forgiveness – because they subscribe to the 50/50 plan. I mentioned this last Sunday, but let me just talk a bit more about it. “The 50/50 plan says, “you do your part and I’ll do mine.” That sounds logical, but couples who think it works may be surprised to know that this arrangement is based on merit and performance. With the 50/50 plan, the focus is more on what the other person is giving than on what you are giving.”

“A young man saw an older couple sitting down to eat at McDonalds. They had ordered only one meal and an extra cup. They carefully divided the hamburger in half, counted out the fries and poured half of the drink into the extra cup. The old man began to eat and his wife just sat there and watched him with her hands in her lap. The young man decided he’d order another meal for them, so they wouldn’t have to split their meal. “Oh no,” the man said, “we’ve been married for 50 years, and everything has always been 50/50.” When the young man turned to the old woman and asked her if she was going to eat her half.. “Not yet,” she replied, “It’s his turn with the teeth.”

“The 100/100 plan is a better plan. The idea is to give 100%, no matter what the other party does. IT is the surrender of personal pleasure and comfort.” 5

3. You only give grace with the things you say

Appreciation, Affirmations and Praise

“If couples will increase their positive actions toward each other, they will eventually crowd out and eliminate the negative.” 6 This scripture says that the things you say either build up or tear down. Unwholesome or edifying. You can actually give grace to someone by the words you speak out of your mouth! Only speak what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

“Affirming and encouraging responses can literally change a person’s life, because we need others to believe in us. An unusual example of this is found in the Babemba tribe of Southern Africa. When one of the tribal members has acted irresponsibly, he or she is taken to the center of the village. Everyone in the village stops work and gathers in a large circle around the person. In turn, each person, regardless of age, speaks to the person and recounts the good things he or she has done in his or her lifetime. All the positive incidents in the person’s life, pus the good attributes, strengths and kind acts are praised with accuracy and detail. Not one word is mentioned about his or her problem behaviors. This ceremony sometimes lasts several days, and the person is literally flooded with positive praises. When everyone is finished, the person is welcomed back into the tribe. Can you imagine the person’s desire to continue to reflect those positive qualities?” 7

Relationship/Emotional bank accounts – (illustrate with coin bank or glass jar half filled with pennies). All of us are born with an emotional bank account. These emotional bank accounts govern all relationships. Affirmations, compliments, positive actions, non-verbal