Keeping Faith When Friends Fail You Series

* Eliphaz is insulting and arrogant, arguing that the innocent don’t suffer in 4:7: “Who, being innocent, has ever perished?” On top of that, he claims to have special religious revelation in 4:12: “A word was secretly brought to me; my ears caught a whisper of it.”

* Bildad is heartless in 8:4, stating that Job’s children died because of their sin: “When your children sinned against him, he gave them over to the penalty of their sin.”

* Zophar becomes angry and asks in 11:3: “Will no one rebuke you when you mock?” He then is quick to pontificate and strongly states that Job’s suffering is linked to his personal sin.

These friends were sincere but extremely insensitive. Joe Bayly lost three children in a series of tragedies. In his book, “The Last Thing We Talk About,” he relates that one friend visited him in the funeral home and talked and talked about God’s grace and how God would get him through it. He knew all these things were true, but he couldn’t wait for his friend to leave. Another friend came and just sat with him quietly, not saying much, not trying to explain. He was just there if he needed him. Bayly says, “I hated to see him go.” Job’s reaction to these friends is quite strong. Listen to what he says:

6:14: “A despairing man should have the devotion of his friends, even though he forsakes the fear of the Almighty.”

12:3-5: “But I have a mind as well as you; I am not inferior to you…Men at ease have contempt for misfortune as the fate of those whose feet are slipping.”

13:2, 4: “What you know I also know; I am not inferior to you…you are worthless physicians, all of you! If only you would be silent altogether…your maxims are proverbs of ashes.”

Our maxims and cute sayings are not only empty, they can be excruciating. Friends, let’s resist trying to “package people’s pain.” Let’s cut out the clichés and jettison the jargon:

“I know just how you feel.” You don’t. Plus, this shifts attention to you, not them.

“God will give you another child.” This is insensitive.

“God must have needed him in heaven.” This feels empty.

“God told me that he’ll heal you.” Really?

“Time heals all wounds.” Not always.

“God must be trying to teach you something.” This is patronizing and arrogant.

“If you do what I did then you’ll be better.” Who made you the expert?

“My aunt Mildred had the same problem…” Every situation is different.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how helpful are these sayings? “0”

Job opens up in 16:1-5 and goes off on his buddies: “Then Job replied: ‘I have heard many things like these; miserable comforters are you all! Will your long-winded speeches never end? What ails you that you keep on arguing? I also could speak like you, if you were in my place; I could make fine speeches against you and shake my head at you. But my mouth would encourage you; comfort from my lips would bring you relief.”

* It’s easy to pontificate when others have problems.

* It’s easy to forget the importance of timing in our crusade for truth.

* It’s easy to give explanations instead of encouragement.