Loving The Ain'ts

made up of people who have been battered by an event in their lives that has caused them to see themselves in a particular way. Somebody gave them a label that stuck in their brain. How did it happen.

Coming home from school with a report card full of A’s and B’s but having 1 C only to hear, you ain’t smart enough. Your brother got all A’s. Listening to everyone say to your sister, how pretty she is, but never hearing anyone say how nice you like. You hear, you ain’t pretty enough. You tell someone that one day you’re going to be a doctor, and the words come back, you probably are going to be just like you old daddy, and you ain’t going to amount to much of nothing.

You didn’t respond quick enough to help your little brother, and you hear “you ain’t deserving of nothing but a beating. You miss curfew once, and you hear, “you ain’t no good and you’re probably a slut. You displease someone, and they you’re worthless say ain’t noboby going to love you. You try out for a team and you don’t make the squad. You here, You ain’t nothing but a failure and that’s all you will ever be. What a disappointment you are.

If the right person says this to you enough times or even if the wrong person says it a critical time, the memory of the event goes inside your brain and takes residence there. If you do not release the proper emotion that you felt at the time of the episode, that memory becomes a part of who you are and the emotional discharge that should have come out of you is stored somewhere inside of you. It will either come out in other areas, or do internal destruction in your body. There is an emotional time bomb ticking inside of you and inside of me.

Imagine for a moment that 8 year old Charene is being sexually abused by her 13 year old brother. He comes into her room after her mom has fallen asleep. He tells her if she ever tells, her mom will be so angry with her for acting like a prostitute. Everybody in the family is going to hate her, for bringing shame on the family. The kids will make fun of you at school.

Nobody is going to believe her when she gets c’s and d’s on her report card and he gets all A’s. How many lies is Charene going to believe about herself because of this episodic event in her life. Do you think she’s going to have some trust issues with men. Do you think there is going to be a lot of anger inside or her. Do you think she and her husband are going to have issues in the bedroom?

Imagine for a moment that 5 year old Rodney is taken over to his grandmother by his mother thinking he’s going over for a short visit. But when evening comes his mother does not show up. Grandmother does not know what to say to Rodney. Nor does she come the next night, or the next, or the next. It’s been over a year now.

Do you think he’s going to have a problem with trust, especially with women? Do you think he will bring his insecurity into his marriage? Do you think he’ll wonder if anybody really loves him? Do you think he may develop some anger inside of him? Do you think each time his wife leaves the house, he may want to know exactly where she is going and when she is coming