Praying Fathers, The Ultimate In Homeland Security

they take money out of his hands I call them over to me and I snatch it away from them. BECAUSE THAT IS MY MONEY."

Here are some words that most dads have said at some time or another to their children.

This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.
Quiet. I’m watching the ball game.
Don’t forget to check the oil.
Bring back all the change
Okay who touched the thermostat
Where is the remote control
How should I know? Ask your mother.
Do I look like I’m not made out of money!
When I was your age I walked 5 miles to and from school each day and it was uphill both ways.
Who’s paying the bills around here, anyway?
Don’t put your feet on the furniture. Your mother will kill you
What do you mean turn on the heat – we sill can’t see our breathe – put on another coat
Get down before you kill yourself. On second thought, go ahead.
Quit playing with your food.
Hey – if they push you again knock the snot out of them
Be quiet! Can’t you see I’m trying to think!
Why? Because I said so!
If you don’t quit, that I’m going to call your mother
If you don’t tell mom neither will I
You better get that junk picked up before your mom comes in here.
Just wait till you have kids of your own.
I wasn’t asleep. I was just resting my eyes.


One father said to his teenage son, "Do you mind if I use the car tonight? I’m taking your mother out to eat and I would like to impress her."

Father said to his daughter, "What’s wrong, Mary? Usually you talk on the phone for hours. This time you only talked for 30 minutes. How come?"

Mary replied, "It was the wrong number."

A letter from a college student to his parents read, "Please send food packages! All they serve here is breakfast, lunch and dinner."

Another son wrote home to his dad. He said, "Dear Dad, Please let me hear from you more often, even if it’s only a five or a ten."

Fathers are interesting creatures.
Here are the TOP 10 THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR DAD SAY

10. Well, how ’bout that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that
be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that.
7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!!
6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating’s not good enough for you, son?
5. Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.
4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies--ya know--
that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let’s
go to the mall.
2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
1. What do I want for my birthday? Aahh, don’t worry about that. It’s no big deal.
(Okay, they might say it. But they don’t mean it)


Did you hear about the children who begged their parents for a hamster and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when mom found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective