CHECKPOINTS FOR MARRIAGE
A STUDY OVER THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT: PART XIII (TOPIC: DATING)
INTRO: Explain the mega-Bible conference I went to down in Texas, and how much of this info was given in one of the main talks geared towards fathers.
BIBLE VERSE: Matthew 5:27-28
You have heard that it was said, “Do not commit adultery.” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
TRANSITION: Today we are talking about relationships, and it is vital to discuss how to have correct relationships with others of the opposite gender prior to marriage so that we know exactly who we are looking for as a suitable helper.
BIBLE VERSE: 2 CORINTHIANS 6:14
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?
CATTLE EXAMPLE: Imagine if two cows were working in the field, one of them alive, and one of the dead, if they were yoked together, which direction would they go? They go around in circles, and it is ridiculous.
This is what happens time and time again when a Christian and non-Christian date (not to mention they usually end up at a party together, or committing sin together, or whatever).
DO NOT DATE/MARRY A NON-CHRISTIAN: Discussion time…any questions?
TRANSITION: I believe that the reason most young relationships fail miserably is exactly based on this point. The Christian date a non-Christian argument has been around for years, and I hear it all the time. Look, we have to understand that someone who is alive is different than someone who is alive, someone who is dead is different than someone who is alive.
EXAMPLE: I am a great, lost person…when I am driving. Unlike most males, I pull over quickly, ask directions anywhere, and get back on the road (actually, I pull over so well it can be annoying because sometimes what I am looking for is right around the corner).
PASTOR ANDY STANLEY ON GETTING LOST…
“The upside to all of this is that I can speak as an authority on the art of getting and being lost. There are three things you should know about those of us who are directionally challenged. First, we don’t get lost on purpose. Nobody does that. In fact, just the opposite is true. Since we know we are likely to get lost, we work hard at paying attention and following directions. But we just don’t do well in unfamiliar territory.
The second thing I’ve learned from getting lost is that I never know exactly when it happens. I never know when I’ve crossed that line between I know exactly where I am and I have no idea where I am. I never know the precise moment in which I’ve made an incorrect turn or taken a wrong route. There is never a moment when a light goes off in my brain and I think, Gee, I just got lost. If I back up a hundred feet, I’ll be un-lost. Being lost is something that dawns on me. Usually after I’ve been lost for…well, I don’t know how long I’m lost before I realize I’m lost. Which I guess is the point I’m trying to make.
There’s a third thing about getting lost. The road I’m on always determines where I end up. Pretty insightful, eh? It really doesn’t matter where I intended to be; the path I take determines my ultimate destination. Plans, intentions, spousal expectations…none of that counts. I always end up where the road I’ve chosen takes me.”
HERE’S THE DEAL…BEING A CHRISTIAN IS NOT ONE OF THE 3 CHECKPOINTS…IT IS ASSUMED! In order to find your suitable helper, it begins with a Christian, that is the lowest step on the stepladder, and that is what so many people settle for in USA. “I am not sure that my daughter is marrying a good guy, he says he is a Christian, but I cannot be so certain.”
CHECKPOINT #1: THE LOVE CHECK
BIBLE VERSE: Matthew 22:37 Jesus said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.”
POINT OUT: Is this statement provided by Jesus, is this a suggestion? Is this a good idea? What is this? This is a command? And if we fail to love in such a way, we are technically sinning.
THE BIG QUESTION: Now this is the tough stuff, if the boy does not love the Lord his God with all his heart, all his soul, and all his mind, can he love your daughter with all his heart, all his soul, and all his mind? No way. So this is the first checkpoint.
LETTER FROM FACEBOOK: ANONYMOUS BUT FROM PUBLIC SETTING (I NEED ADVICE)
“I desperately need guidance in this new situation. This may seem a bit long-winded, however, i must tell someone I actually want to influence me moreso than my parents. Please bare with me. Here is the situation.
I have a boyfriend who smokes, drinks (without getting drunk), and whose friends are party people. He is a country boy, but I like it enough because he treats me with gentle kindness and respect. He has promised to quit smoking for me, and has gone from half a pack a day to 3 cigarettes a day. He has started reading his bible again, and says he is a Christian, but I am not convinced. He wants to be baptized and wants to know more before he commits to it.
I love being with him. Especially since he respects the fact that I am waiting for marriage, if you catch my drift. Yesterday, my Dad yelled at me, quite loudly and disrespectfully about me taking my boyfriend out to dinner and paying. They dont want me to drive him around with the money they give me. All the while I was being pretty much verbally attacked, I just sat down and listened to my Dad without a word, except "yes sir" and "alright."
A couple of nights gao, my boyfriend said he loved me. I said thank you, not "I love you too" just to be in agreement with the moment. I didn’t say I love you back because i am not sure yet. He wants to propose to me eventually and take me to Fiji. He is truly in love with me, it seems.
He has a long history of getting in trouble, which he doesnt talk about very often because he is very embarassed of it. He is mature and grown up for twenty years old. But my father thinks he should "man up" and take me out and do all the paying, which I think is not fair and seems like a double standard to men….I have incredibly strong compatibility and caring for him. I DON’T want to lose him or leave him, but unless he gets a serious passion for God, quits smoking, and gets a reasonable office job at the company (which he is promised), then I am forced to make a decision that will not only break his very heart, but torture mine. i feel trampled on by my parents, and displaced in my love life. Help. I’m very very serious about this one. I beg you, give me tough love if you must, but spit the truth to me.”
DOES HE LOVE THE LORD HIS GOD WITH ALL HIS HEART, MIND, & SOUL? This was one of God’s primary purposes in creating Adam before creating Eve. It was God’s goal for intimacy with Adam prior to helping him find a suitable helper.
CHECK #2: THE GIVING CHECK
BIBLE VERSE: Matthew 20:28 just as the Son of Man did not come be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
GIVING (SERVING): Check to see if the boy is giving, check to see if he is serving others. Does he sacrifice his time, food pantries, Special Olympics, play with children, serve at church, etc?
LOOK: If the boy is NOT serving others, he can not serve your daughter. In this age, most men look towards: happy hour, golfing, video games, online chat rooms, hunting, working in garage, making lawn perfect (all these things are great, but in all honesty, it’s not taking a giving responsibility to your family—it’s a taking, not a giving, if done with the wrong motives).
CURT WARNER EXAMPLE: Curt Warner was an MVP NFL QB with the St. Louis Rams, but it wasn’t always the case. He used to be the QB of the Iowa Barnstormers, a now defunct football team in the old Arena Football League. He found a woman he wanted to date, and when he asked her out while working at a grocery store together, she said “I cannot go because I don’t have a babysitter for my child. Yes, I have a child, so run away now, go on about your business, we will find a way to make ends meet.” So he found her a babysitter for all their dates. Amazing stories of self-sacrifice in order to court the woman he loved.
CHECKPOINT #3: THE DISCERNMENT CHECK
DEFINITION: Discernment means “acuteness of judging and understanding.”
BIBLE VERSES:
Proverbs 18:6 The lips of a fool enter into strife, and his mouth invites a flogging. Psalm 107:17 They acted like fools in their rebellious ways, and suffered because of their many sins. Proverbs 26:9 Like a thorn that goes into the hand of a drunkard, so is a proverb in the mouth of a fool. Proverbs 12:1 The one who loves discipline love knowledge, but the one who hates reproof is stupid. Proverbs 13:19 A desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but the fools abhor turning away from evil.
WHAT’S THE POINT? The point is if the man has no discernment, if he cannot make wise spiritual choices, he is a fool. Things like mouthing off to people, rebelling from parents, drunkenness, despising correction, seeking out evil, all those things show a heart that can or can not discern correctly.
CLOSE: JOSH DUGGAR EXAMPLE
Sources:
ATI Conference in Big Sandy, Texas, 2009.
Stanley, Andy. The Great Disconnect. North Point Church, Drive Conference. May of 2009.
NAME: _______________________
CHECKPOINTS FOR MARRIAGE
A STUDY OVER THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT: PART XIII (TOPIC: DATING)
BIBLE VERSE: Matthew 5:27-28
BIBLE VERSE: 2 CORINTHIANS 6:14
Do not be ________________________ together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and ________________________________________ have in common?
CATTLE EXAMPLE:
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
PASTOR ANDY STANLEY ON BEING LOST:
CHECKPOINT #1: _____________________________________________
BIBLE VERSE: Matthew 22:37 Jesus said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your ___________________,, with all your ________________l, and with all your _____________________________.”
QUESTION: If ______________ cannot love God with all his heart, soul, and mind, can he love _______________________________ with all his heart, soul, and mind?
CHECK #2: ______________________________________________
BIBLE VERSE: Matthew 20:28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to ________________________, and to ______________________________________ his life as a ransom for many.
CURT WARNER EXAMPLE:
CHECKPOINT #3: ______________________________________________
BIBLE VERSES:
Proverbs 18:6 ____________________________________________________________ Psalm 107:17 ____________________________________________________________ Proverbs 26:9 ____________________________________________________________ Proverbs 12:1 ____________________________________________________________ Proverbs 13:19 ____________________________________________________________
JOE DUGGAR EXAMPLE: