WIVES
Calvary Baptist Church
May 25, 2003
This is message number three of six on the family, beginning with mothers day and ending on Father's day.
Keywords: Wives, Wife, Submission, Marriage
TEXT: Col. 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
QUOTE: 3:18. Wives are to submit to their husbands as their heads. This command was not limited to Paul's day, as is obvious from two reasons he gave elsewhere: (1) the order of
Creation (man was created first, then woman; 1 Tim. 2:13); (2) the order within the Godhead (Christ submits to the Father; 1 Cor. 11:3). Submission or subordination does not
mean inferiority; it simply means that the husband, not the wife, is head of the home. If he may be thought of as the Apresident," she is the Avice president."
Of course there are moral limits to this submission; it is only as is fitting in the Lord. Just as obedience to government is commanded (Rom. 13:1; Titus 3:1; 1 Peter 2:13), but
only insofar as government takes its place under God (Ex. 1; Dan. 3; 6), even so a wife's submission to her husband is only Ain the Lord." That is, she is not obligated to
follow her husband's leadership if it conflicts with specific scriptural commands. (BKC)
INTRODUCTION:
JOKE: From the pulpit: "I asked my wife to look over my notes for today's sermon and mark out everything dull so in conclusion ..." Cartoonist Bob McCullough in
Leadership, Vol. 9, no. 3.
NOTE: TODAY WE HAVE A 20 minute introduction and a 20 minute sermon!
S U B M I T - DEFINITIONS:
Greek: The word submit is a compound word in Greek. Vine tells us that it is a military word. It comes from a word meaning Aunder" and another word meaning Aorderly
arrangement, or rank." So to submit is to accept yourself as ranking below another in the authority structure.
English: Def.: To yield to the power, authority or control of another. Our word in English comes from two Latin words, sub (under) and misseo (to send out to a place).
It is the source of our word missionary. So one who submits is one who has been placed under the authority of another for a specific task or mission.
ILLUS: A military officer may rank below another for a campaign. But when both men have retired, they return to equal rank. Each has one vote. A caste system is wrong and
harmful. A rank system is right and helpful.
A TOUR OF SUBMISSION IN THE N.T.
1) Jesus was subject to His parents (Luke 2:51)
2) Paul tells us that we are to be subject to the governmental authorities. (Rom. 13:1)
3) We are told to be subject unto the spiritual authorities in the church. (1 Cor. 6:16)
4) Husbands and wives are told to submit themselves one to another. (Eph. 5:21)
5) The Church is to be subject to Christ. (Eph. 5:24)
6) Wives are to be subject to their own husbands. (Eph. 5:22)
7) Church members, including deacons, are to submit themselves to their pastor. (Heb. 13:17)
8) Everyone is to be subject to God. (James 4:7)
9) Servants are to be subject to their masters. (1 Peter 2:18)
10) Angels are subject to Christ in Heaven. (1 Peter 3:22)
11) Youth are to submit themselves to their elders. (1 Peter 5:5)
OBSERVATIONS:
• Submission is not easy for any of us.
• Some would have us to wink at the suggestion of a wife submitting herself to her husband.
• The reality is that many who will not submit to their husband will not submit to anyone, including their God or their pastor!
• God was serious when he led Paul to write the words of our text.
• And we are serious when we preach them today!
• What is the problem that society has with the Bible here?
• FIRST: Society has rejected many tried and true principles of life.
• SECOND: Society misunderstands what God is saying and what God is not saying.
• This does not refer to women and men in general.
• I have never in my life asked a secretary to Aget me some coffee"!
• The submission is a home thing! It is a husband thing!
• A Final Note: Four times, God told husbands to love their wives. Seven times, God tells wives to be subject to their husbands.
OBJECTIONS BY MODERN SOCIETY (From POSB)
In modern society this is strong; in fact, it is too strong for many. Many reject the idea of woman's subjection as archaic, outdated, and old fashioned. Some even react in
anger and hostility against the Word of God and those who preach the duty of wives.
Are they right? Has Scripture gone too far in declaring that wives should be subject to their husbands?
Has God made a mistake within the order of the family? To the Christian, the answer is no. The problem is not in what God has said, but in our understanding of what He has said
or in our rebellion against what He wills. Any wife who reacts to God's command is reacting either because she does not understand what God is saying or is just unwilling to
give her life to God and follow Him as He says. What does God mean by subjection?
First, God does not mean dictatorial subjection...
• that a wife is to subject herself to a tyrant.
• that a wife is to submit herself to the demands of a husband who acts like a beast.
• that a wife is to be a slave or footstool for the husband.
• that a wife is to serve her husband without restraint.
• that a wife is to be treated as inferior to her husband.
What God means by subjection is order, cooperation, relationship, partnershipCthe way a husband and wife are to walk together throughout life. Every body of peopleCeven when the
body is only two personsCmust have a leader who takes the lead in plowing through the wilderness of the world and its trials and temptations and difficulties. Between the two,
wife and husband, one of them has to be the primary leader. God's order for the two is that the husband take the lead.
Second, Christian wives must submit because it is the only fitting thing to do. The word Afitting" ( PWS: 1518) means the right thing to do. Why is it the only fitting and right
thing to do? Not because the husband is superior and the wife is inferior as a human being. The reason is because the wife is in the Lord. She has surrendered her life to live
in the Lord and to love and follow Him and to witness for Him by living just as He says to live. Therefore, when the Lord says that it is His will for her to submit to her
husband, she submits. She submits because the Lord tells her that submission is the way He wants her to live with her husband. Again, submission is simply...
• God's order for the family.
• the relationship, cooperation, and partnership that is to exist between the wife and husband.
How may the wife be submissive to her husband? She can be submissive in . . .
S Service
Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
• The wife's place is to complete her husband.
• She is the other piece of the puzzle!
• Where has the servant spirit gone in our society today?
Genesis 24:15 21 And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham's brother,
with her pitcher upon her shoulder. [16] And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her
pitcher, and came up. [17] And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher. [18] And she said, Drink, my lord: and she
hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink. [19] And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have
done drinking. [20] And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels. [21] And the man wondering
at her held his peace, to wit whether the Lord had made his journey prosperous or not.
Philip. 2:2 8 Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. [3] Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in
lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. [4] Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. [5] Let this mind be in
you, which was also in Christ Jesus: [6] Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: [7] But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the
form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: [8] And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
A PERFECT MATCH Have you heard about the manicurist who married a pedicurist? They waited on each other hand and foot.
HUMOR: A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office for his checkup. Afterwards, the doctor took his wife aside and said, "Unless you do the following things, your husband will surely die." The doctor then went on to say, "Here's what you need to do. Every morning make sure you serve him a good healthy breakfast. Meet him at home each day for lunch so that you can serve him a well balanced meal. Make sure that you feed him a good hot meal each evening and don't overburden him with any stressful conversation, nor ask him to perform any household chores. Also, keep the house spotless and clean so that he doesn't get exposed to any threatening germs."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said. She replied, "He said that you're going to die."
ILLUS: Some will say, Let him get his own tea. Let him get his own supper. Let him wash his own clothes. Thousands of pastors and counselors will tell you that that is the formula for him to get his own second wife!
U Unity
Psalm 133:1 Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!
Matthew 19:5 6 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? [6] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
Mt. 5:9 refusing to submit ruins this!
1. Unified in Discipline
2. Unified in Budget (ILLUS: Overheard from one of my students. Whenever my mommy and I feel down, we just get daddy’s credit card and go shopping. Then, when the bill
comes, we just hide it from daddy.)
3. Unified in Public (When I was a child, I remember noticing even at my age, that the wife of one of our relatives constantly put him down in public.)
Ephes. 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
HE MAY NOT BE MUCH, BUT REVERENCE HIM!
I once heard of a woman who woke her husband in the middle of the night, and said, "Henry, wake up. I just had this terrible nightmare. I dreamed I was at an auction for
husbands. On husband brought $10,000 and others sold for sums in the millions."
That's all it took to get him awake. He asked, "Well, Honey, what were husbands like me bringing?"
She said, "That's what was so disgusting. They were taking ones like you, tying them in a bundle, and selling them for a dollar a bunch." R. Larry Moyer, "Right Smack in the Middle of Sin," Preaching Today, Tape No. 148.
B Beauty
1 Peter 3:1 6 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
[2] While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. [3] Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of
putting on of apparel; [4] But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of
God of great price. [5] For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: [6] Even
as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
A. What it is not
1. Principle of Moderation
Note the lavishness of what God rebukes - gold, plaited hair, fine apparel.
ILLUS: Some people think that courtship is when a man spoons, and marriage is when he must fork over.
ILLUS: My VISA card was stolen two months ago, but I don't want to report it. The guy who took it is using it less than my wife. Streiker, L. D. (2000)
2. Principle of Modesty
Women are not to dress in a way that attracts men by fleshly desires.
You catch fish by the bait you use.
1 Tim. 2:9 10 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
[10] But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
B. What it is.
1. Meekness - humble, gentle.
ILLUS: Rob: AMy wife is very touchy. The smallest thing will set her off."
Stan: AYou're fortunate. Mine is a self starter." Streiker, L. D. (2000).
Proverbs 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
2. Quietness - The Greek word means, AKeeping your seat."
ILLUS: Jailbird to cellmate: "My wife will get me outCshe never lets me finish a sentence." C. Schoenfeld
QUOTE: 319: ROLE REVERSAL? When I was first married, I'd come home and it was so peaceful. My little dog would race around barking at me, and my wife would bring me my slippers. Now, five years later, my dog brings the slippers and my wife barks.
* Some will object, well, that is just the way that I'm made! God knows how you are made, and He tells you to be gentle, meek and quiet!
* We dare not laugh off what God takes so seriously!
1 Peter 3:4 ". . . which is in the sight of God of great price."
ILLUS: Until I became pastor of Calvary, I had only been a member of two other churches. In those churches, I had the opportunity of observing the pastor’s wives, Mrs. Rice and Mrs. Sightler. Dr. Rice and Dr. Sightler were great leaders. But their wives were not in the forefront at all. They didn’t sponsor every event, lead every women’s committee. Some churches try to hire two staff members for one salary. Shame on them. No, these ladies exemplified a meek, quiet spirit. And in the sight of God, this is of great price. (1 Peter 3:4)
M Marriage Your Priority
HUMOR: Two onetime neighbors met after not having seen one another for some months. "And how are things with you?" asked one of the women. "Oh," said the other, "I'm managing all right, although I lost my husband several months back." "What happened?" asked the friend. "Well," explained the widow, AI was making dinner and asked him to go out to the garden and pick some corn. After he had been gone a long time, I went to see what the trouble was. There he was dead of a heart attack." "Oh, how awful! What did you do?" "Oh, I had a can of corn in the house, and just used that," said the widow. Streiker.
IN GENERAL
Matthew 19:5 6 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? [6] Wherefore they are no more
twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
IN INTIMACY
(1 Co 7:1 5) 1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own
wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of
her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it beH with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
• Your work is not your priority! NOTE: "Keepers at home"
• Your children are not your priority!
• Your parents are not your priority!
• Your spouse is your priority!
ILLUS: God help a husband that will let children run over their mom. God help a wife that will dote on the children and let the husband fend for himself!
I Inspire
A. A Negative Example
Job 2:7 So went Satan forth from the presence of the LORD, and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown. 8 And he took him a potsherd to scrape himself
withal; and he sat down among the ashes. 9 Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die. 10 But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one
of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips.
Proverbs 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
B. A Positive Encouragement
Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
Prov. 31:23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
QUOTE: Ruth Graham said it was a great day in her life when she realized it was not her job to change her husband. She said "It was my job to love Billy and God's job to change him." Robert Russell, "Releasing Resentment," Preaching Today, Tape No. 136.
T Trust
Prov. 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
QUOTE: TWO GUYS ARE TALKING OVER LUNCH: The first guy says, "My wife and I are very happy, but I often overhear her talking about her first husband." The second guy says,
"You're lucky. I keep hearing my wife talk about her next husband." Ron Dentinger
CONCLUSION:
Proverbs 31:10B31, written in a pre feminist age, gives a description of the perfect wife and household manager. The passage begins, "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth
is far above rubies." The woman described is certainly no doormat or bubblehead, but a sort of queen of her domain. The passage ends, "Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates."
NOTE: God takes this matter seriously. You cannot be right with God and wrong with your husband!
ILLUS: The Gift of the Magi. She sold her hair to buy his watch chain. He sold his watch to buy her a hair braid. God help each of us to have that love.
EXTRA MATERIAL
My friend Harry was complaining to me recently. His lament: AMy wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an
indication that the honeymoon is over. I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder into the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam. Crawling
along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt. On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and turned my ankle. When I limped
into the kitchen, my wife took one look and said, "Are those your good pants?' " Streiker, L. D. (2000). Nelson's Big Book of Laughter
