PROVERBS 17:17 / 18:24
BECOMING A FRIEND
[John 15:9-17]
Author Henry Durbanville underscored the importance of friends as a means of overcoming the dreaded enemy of loneliness. He included some excellent quotes in his book which are worthy of repeating. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature." A small boy defined a friend as "Someone who knows all about you and likes you just the same." A comrade is described by an old Arab as, "A friend is one to whom we may pour out all the contents of our hearts, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." Ralph Waldo Emerson also stated "A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere, before whom I may think aloud." Durbanville himself observed that, "A friend is the first person to come in when the whole world goes out."
The dictionary defines friend as "one attached to another by affection, regard, or esteem; an intimate acquaintance." Solomon gave his definition in Proverbs 17:17, "A friend loveth at all times." We can't improve on that definition. To have someone who remains true to us under all circumstances is indeed one of life's choicest blessings. The support and encouragement that only an intimate friend can offer is sorely needed when the burdens and pressures of life weigh heavily upon us.
Our companion text, Proverb 18:24, connects another very important understanding about friendship. It says, "A man who hath friends must prove himself friendly." The thought is that friendliness must begin with us. We are responsible for taking the initiative in developing relationships with others. Friendship is a treasure ship that you first launch.
These Proverbs will help teach us to be to others the friend that we desire to have ourselves (CIM). When it comes to friends you must first be one to have one. What kind of friend are you?
One of the greatest needs of a person is that of friendship. Friendship is a shield in danger, a guide in perplexity, a strength in weakness and a support in sorrow. What sun, air and dew are to seeds, friendship is to us. It energizes, nurtures, develops, and perfects our being. This proverb lead us to notice the consistency and cost of true friendship, which Aristotle described as "composed of one soul in two bodies." Hopefully this is what newlyweds mean when they say, "I have married my best friend."
I. FRIENDSHIP IS CONSTANT AND CONSISTENT
Proverbs 17:17 teaches that a true friend is always without exception or circumstance a friend. "A true friend is always loyal and a brother is born to help in time of need."
Friends must be constant to each at all times, in all circumstances or it isn't true friendship, for constancy in love is an essential element in all genuine friendship. True friendship is based on love because only love will endure the tests that friends experience as they go through life together. It is possible to have many companions and no true friends. There is an association we call friendship which is very warm, very demonstrative, but it changes with circumstances. When the connection is prosperous they stay by his/her side, cheering him/her with sunny looks and approving words but when adversity comes they draws away.
Our English word friend comes from the same root as the word freedom. A genuine friend sets us free to be who and what we should be. We can pour out our doubts and talk freely about the wolves howling at the door of our life.
A faithful friend also affirms our worth. Queen Victoria said of William Gladstone, "When I am with him, I feel I am with one of the most important leaders in the world." But of Benjamin Disraeli she said, "He makes me feel as if I am one of the most important leaders of the world."
Unlike this a genuine friend comes to us in prosperous days only by invitation but hastens to our side unasked when sorrow darkens our life. In other words swallow friends fly with you in summer but are gone in winter. True friends however, stand by you when hard times hit. Are you a dependable, loyal friend? The following discourse on friendship may help you determine if you are or not.
"Concerning the man you call your friend –tell me, will he weep with you in the hour of distress? Will he faithfully reprove you to your face, for actions for which others are ridiculing or censuring you behind you back? Will he dare to stand forth in your defense, when detraction is secretly aiming its deadly weapons at your reputation? Will he acknowledge you with the same cordiality, and behave toward you with the same friendly attention, in the company of those who promote your welfare as well as those who disdain you? If misfortune and losses should oblige you to retire into a walk of life in which you cannot appear with the same distinction, or entertain your friends with the same generosity as formerly, will he still think himself happy in your company, and, instead of gradually withdrawing himself from an unprofitable connection, take pleasure in professing himself your friend, and cheerfully assist you to support the burden of your affliction? When sickness shall call you to retire from the happy and busy scenes of the world, will he follow you into your gloomy retreat, listen with attention to your ‘tale of symptoms,' and minister the balm of consolation to your fainting spirit? And lastly, when death shall burst asunder every earthly tie, will he shed a tear upon your grave, and lodge the dear remembrance of your mutual love in his heart, as a treasure never to be resigned?" The man who will not do all this, may be your companion, your flatterer, your seducer, but, understand, he is not your close friend. False friends are like chaff, they fly away at the first blast of adversity; true friends are the precious grain that remain. [Thomas, David. Book of Proverbs. Kregal. Grand Rapids. 1982. P. 362].
The second part of the verse, "and a brother is born for adversity" also indicates that true friends are constant and consistent. "A brother," whether by blood or covenant, knows that a purpose for his life, indicated by he "is born for" is to stand by a friend and help him in difficulty and hardship. Many professions of brotherhood dry up and blow away when adversity comes. Foul-weather friends are the only ones that slick with you. A brother's love does not change when circumstances change. He is the same toward us whether we are in wealth or need and he/she proves him/herself in adversity.
Kindred souls share the same life-blood that courses from hearts that have been knit together through a relationship of shared interests that nutured years of mutual understanding. A thousand thoughts, impressions, hopes and memories lovingly intertwined through out years of companionship have imparted a priceless worth of genuine friendship. [Thomas, 363.]
A true brother is indeed a man born for adversity. When the sky is falling and our darkest storms assault us and beat most furiously upon us, a true brother or sister is strong and constant in his/her love. He/she is there like a bright angel and will not leave until the breaking of the darkness and the stilling of the tempest. Thank God for all true brothers and brotherhood in the world!
A number of years ago, a large newspaper in England ran a contest for its readers to describe the QUICKEST WAY TO LONDON. The winning entry read: "The quickest way to London is with good company." I like that! As we travel through this life, most of us have discovered the value of good company. Yet most of us have also discovered the heartache and tragedy of failed friendships.
A man said, "One day, he rolled out the carpet for me. The next day, he pulled it out from under me." All too often, that's the way friendships are. This is not something unique to us or new to our society or generation. In Old Testament days, David, a man after God's own heart, a dynamic leader, a brave warrior, a gifted communicator, a capable administrator, had many people around him when things were going well. But once Absalom, his son, sought to launch a rebellion against him, even his most trusted advisor, Ahithophel, defected and sided with Absalom (2 Samuel 15).
Certainly we are not the only ones to experience failed friendships. And yet the text before us indicates that a friend is to love at all times. [Courson, Jon: Jon Courson's Application Commentary : Volume Two : Psalms-Malachi. Nashville, TN : Thomas Nelson, 2006, S. 230.]
II. THE COST OF FRIENDSHIP
What does it cost you to have friends and brothers such as this. Friendliness. Proverbs 18:24 reads "A man who has friends must himself be friendly" (NKJV). Friendship is a two-way street. If you want to have friends, you must be willing to pay the simple price of being a friend. We must take the initiative in developing relationships with others and then let us be to others the friend that we desire for ourselves, for friends are seldom found, they are made. To make a friend we must prove our self capable of true friendship. We must show by the excellence of our principles, the nobleness of our character, the integrity of our purpose, the purity of our love that we are worthy of the time, effort and commitment that it takes to develop true friendship.
To be genuinely loved, we must be truly loveable. To be loveable we must good, or loving us will not be good for those who love us.
The second part of the verse reads but "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." The bond of real friendship has the potential to be closer than even natural ties. We need someone to share life's joys, weaknesses, triumphs, tragedies, and blessings. But friendship is something that has to be cultivated if its roots are to go this deep. One who is born your brother is best fit to be your friend in trouble if ties are close and cherished. But there is also a friend whose grasp warms, steadies and strengthens in this cold, impersonal, and selfish world. He or she becomes God's own hand to us, holding us back from sin's enticements and encouraging us in godly pursuits.
How can we be such a friend? By finding such a Friend who will walk with us and enable us to become such a friend. How can we find such a friend? By first looking to the one certain place where the truest friend can be found. There in fellowship with Him true, eternal friendship can be developed.
The complete summation of true friendship of the friend who will never fail us, who is closer than a brother, is found in Jesus Christ (Heb. 2:11, 14-18). Let His people bear witness as to whether or not He has been the greatest, best, most loving and faithful of friends.
[Do you recall these Scriptures?] He "loved us and gave Himself for us." "He is not ashamed to call us brethren." "He is touched with the feelings of our infirmities." "He is afflicted in all our afflictions." What a friend is He! He is a friend to those who have no other friend. To those who once were His bitterest enemies. He is a friend who abides even if all others pass away. He is a true friend of tried and proven character, able to enter into all that deeply affects us. In temptation He opens the way of escape, in affliction a cheering comforter, in sickness our strength, and even when we are cast out in death He receives us into His eternal Home.
How do we become friends with Jesus? Jesus said in John 15:14, "You are My friends if you do whatever I command you." Dear friend in Christ's shed blood, cultivate a closer friendship with Him, set the highest value upon this friendship by doing what Jesus' commands us in His Word, and thus prove your friendship to Him. Life can then be lived in the joyous confidence of His all-sufficiency, love and friendship. Jesus said in John 15:15 that, "I have called your friends, for all things I heard My Father I have made known to you." When you believe in Jesus Christ as you personal Lord and Savior, there is a special bonus, His bond of friendship. You have His constant companionship ever mile of the way and every minute of the day. Meditate on this blessed truth. The availability of the most true and loyal friend for which anyone could ever hope is yours -if you will but walk with Him.
He will remain true to you under all circumstances. He will support and encourage you, especially when the burdens of life lay heaviest upon you. Jesus is the ultimate friend for He laid down His life so that you could be friends (John 15:13). Such amazing love becons us to an amazing friendship.
A friend is one to whom we can tell everything and who will never betray a confidence. A true friend will not say anything that needlessly injures us. When we hear a group of Christians finding fault with other believers, we may wonder what they say about us when we're not present.
A true friend is one who knows all about us and loves us just the same. A young boy defined such a friend as "somebody who sticks to you after he has found you out."
A friend is one in whose presence we can be ourselves without the fear of being misunderstood. That person will not talk behind our back but is one to whom we can bare the secrets of our heart, knowing that we will not be betrayed. Such a friend is Jesus, the One who perfectly fulfills Solomon's words: "A friend loves at all times" When you become a true friend to Jesus by abiding in His Word, He makes you capable of being a true friend to others also.
CONCLUSION
What kind of friend are you? All of us need at least one, two, or three close friends, but first all of us need to be a close friend to one, two or three people.
Loneliness is everywhere - many people feel cut off and alienated from others. Being in a crowd just makes people more aware of their isolation. We all need friends who will stick close, listen, care, and offer help when it is needed –in good times and bad. It is better to have one such friend than dozens of superficial acquaintances. Instead of wishing you could find a true friend, seek to become one. There are people who need your friendship. Ask God to reveal them to you, and then take on the challenge of being a true friend.
Christians have an inside track on making and being friends because we are part of one family. Haven't you felt that family tie while talking with a stranger - only to discover that you had Christ in common? And no wonder –he is the truest Friend anyone can have. Yes, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." I'm so thankful for that. And I know what friends we could be to others. I'm praying for that.
Socrates once asked a simple old man what he was most thankful for. The man replied, "That being such as I am, I have had the friends I have had." AMEN! [When a man becomes thoroughly acquainted with himself, he stops wondering why he doesn't have many friends (Rom. 7:24)].
