*Ps 127:1-2
The Church family is built of families, and one of the things that we’ll have to be committed to if we’re going to be a strong church is to have strong families – whether that means you’re a family of 15, a mixed family, or a family of one single person. The first place that church growth is going to happen is outside these doors and inside another set of doors that you pass through every day.
Families need emphasis because the family is a divine institution. It was God's idea.
Families need emphasis because a society will be no stronger than the family and the family will be no stronger than Christian homes
Families need emphasis because God uses families as the building blocks of His Church, and of this congregation.
Families need emphasis, because the family unit as we know it is in trouble. Listen to a few numbers that underline what we’re up against:
• One marriage in two ends in divorce. Since 1970, the number of divorced people has more than quadrupled, so that the fastest growing marital status category is currently divorced people.
• Only 7% of families are structured with supportive father and homemaking mother.
• 480,000 children were born to teenage mothers in 1984. This statistic has increased each year. 31% of births in US in 1995 were to unmarried women: 31 National Center for Health Statistics
• -% of American children living with father and mother, in 1970: 85%; in 1996 68%
• unmarried couple households have increased 7-fold since 1970.
Our families are in trouble and our nation is suffering as a result of it. But I'm not as concerned about the fall of our nation. A more important concern for me is my wife, my children, my home. If our godliness isn't first practiced in our homes, it's going to be pretty empty everywhere else too.
(I Tim 5:4) "But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family..."
Good homes, solid marriages, and sound kids don't just happen. It takes patience, hard work, much prayer, and God's blessing. Somewhere along the line, a great number of people have bought into the idea that strong families just naturally HAPPEN. They don't -- anymore than a garden grows by itself! When they're neglected, families naturally deteriorate. They don't thrive without work to cause it.
We want to begin with the beginning. That means, we need to begin like any good house does, with a good foundation. Jesus acknowledged the vital nature of foundations in *Mt 7:24-27
Ill – Some of you have had to deal with the consequences of a foundation that's not properly laid. Maybe you live in a house where the floor has dropped, the ceiling's cracked, or the doors are jammed because the foundation has problems. You can fix those cracks, but it's frustrating because all you can do is deal with symptoms - patch the crack, trim the door. What you can't do is go back and redo the foundation.
Fortunately, in our families, there's a chance to reexamine and shore up our foundation, or at least to take a look at it and see where a lot of the "cracks" are coming from. I want to do that this morning -- for those of you with homes that need a re-examination, we'll have you look at your foundation. And for those of you who are looking at building a family down the road, we'll look at the foundation you'll need to avoid problems later
First, let's look at some
I. Inferior Foundations
-For just a few moments, let's consider some less-than-satisfactory foundations that you might choose to build a family and home upon.
Story – “Uncle Bob” Lilly married Chloe partly because she had such a beautiful voice. She could warble like canary (That was a good thing), and he loved to hear her sing. He tells how, early on in their marriage, one morning he woke up, and there she was, rollers in her hair, goop on her face, eyes all baggy, and he looked at her and said, "Sing! Sing!"
If a marriage is built on an inferior foundation – like someone’s attractiveness, somewhere down the road there’s going to be trouble. So, let’s consider some common inferior foundations:
A. Love - in the Popular Sense of the Word
This is the couple that enters into marriage saying, "Our marriage will work. We love each other" Or this is the home where everyone has this rule but nothing else to guide the way they behave.
-The fact that 2 people love each other isn't sufficient reason by itself to get married and have a home together. Young people, if you plan to get married, and the only reason is "I'm in love" and that's it, something's wrong. At some point in your relationship you'll wake up to discover that you don't feel the way you used to. Feelings of love won't remain forever. Your feelings for that person will fluctuate.
-Prov 31:30 "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
-Your commitment to each other needs a stronger basis than just mutual feelings of love – and a family’s guide for how a household will function needs more substance than just those feelings.
B. Shared Worldly Goals
This is the couple that enters into marriage saying, "Our marriage will work. We're both on the same career track"
-Sometimes, shared dreams for career or business are what bring some people together, but this is less than adequate for building a relationship upon
quote - Christina Onassis -- "Happiness is not based on money and the greatest proof of that is our family!"
-What happens when your train gets derailed? When children come? When his/her career heads in a different direction? Goals change, and if a house is build on basic goals that are worldly in their origin, that’s a weak foundation. The house is going to crack and fall. Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.
C. Shared Interests - Compatibility-
This is the couple that enters into marriage saying, "Our marriage will work. We've got so much in common." Obviously, it’s not what keeps a home with children together!
-You who say that you have so much in common, what do you mean by that? You both like chocolate ice cream, sunsets, and the Kansas City Royals? Guess what! I've observed that the marriages that seem to thrive are the ones where the husband and wife are quite different from each other!
-Shared interests are a poor foundation for a home, because interests change. What happens when the husband or wife changes? When "he's no longer the man/woman I married"? What holds the home together when that foundation cracks?
-People talk about being compatible as a reason to marry – or lack of it as a reason to divorce. Compatibility is a myth. No man and woman are compatible! In spite of what the modern homosexual and feminist movements want us to swallow, men and women are different. Duh!
We could go on for a long time. Homes are being established on all kinds of substandard foundations. Fact is, whatever people are substituting for the real foundation of a home is bound to fail -- just like a man who builds his house on sand instead of rock. So let's spend our time looking at the Rock.
II. A Proper Foundation - Jesus Christ
-There are some who would like to have their own agenda for the family and splash on a little God afterward and hope that somehow it works. The church building becomes the place where you go to get married rather than the place where you make a covenant before the Lord. Jesus becomes the Christmas decorations we put up once a year instead of the foundation of our home. The Bible becomes a sentimental centerpiece on the coffee table instead of a vital tool for life.
-Clear back in Genesis 1, when God brought Adam to Eve and gave them charge of creation and told them to have children, family was a divine design. The only proper and long-term foundation for a marriage and home is commitment to Jesus Christ. This is true because the Designer of the family decided it long ago.
-The idea of a Dad and Mom and kids all living together in a family isn't some outdated coincidence that occasionally happens. It's a divine design. So when we say Jesus should be the center of our homes, the foundation of those homes, we're talking about what God intended for a home to be. If Jesus is less than first in our homes, home will be less than what He intended for it to be
I recognize this morning that having Christ as the center of our homes will be an easier choice for some of you than it will be for others. Some will have the cooperation and support of others in your home; others won't. But for every one of us, let's consider 2 basic needs for home to be all it can:
1. A Commitment to Jesus - - LOVE FOR GOD!
-By this I mean the most radical kind of commitment that you can imagine, where the love of your life isn't your husband, your wife, your children, your job or your car, but Jesus Christ. Jesus put it this way - "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me."
Ill – I was working with a guy named David. He was having a lot of marital trouble. He wanted his life to get straightened around, and so he asked for help. Later, as we talked about commitment to Jesus, he pointed out how looking into Jesus had been good for him – that he was trying several things, a counselor, self-help books, positive thinking, and that Jesus was another thing on his list of things that he would try. But I told him he was missing the point!
-Jesus doesn't just want to be A priority in our homes. Jesus insists that He be THE priority in our homes. Paul said, "in Him we live and move and have our being." (Acts 17:28)
-Meet this one basic need in your home if you want for the rest to fall into place.
2. A Shared Commitment to Jesus
-This commitment to Jesus needs to be something that everyone in the family shares. If it's not shared, home isn't all it could be. To have a husband pulling in one direction and the wife headed in the opposite, isn't good for the home
-If you're single and dating listen, remember that the person you date may be your mate, and a Christian doesn't have in common with a non-Christian that thing in life that's most important.
-The foundation you lay for a home with your husband/wife needs to be a shared foundation of commitment to Jesus Christ as Lord of your life and Lord of your home!
-I like the thought of my wife being infatuated with me and being the love of her life – who wouldn’t like that!? But more importantly, I want her to have Jesus as the first love of her life. I want her to have a relationship with Him that transcends ours, and that we can share as we relate to each other!
III. Some Practical Suggestions
-Finally, I want to give just a few very practical suggestions about what you can do to make sure that your home is founded upon a shared commitment to Jesus Christ.
1. Pray Together
-(I Thes 5:17) "Pray continually." Pray together as a husband and wife and pray together as a family. Not just meal times and memorized bedtime prayers, but make time to pray as a family when it will impact you.
-Husbands and wives need to pray together at some point during the day.
-It will make you resolve issues that may exist between you! It's hard to harbor anger at someone you know you're going to pray with. You can pray together with your spouse, or you can be at odds with your spouse, but you can't do both.
-You also should pray together as a family. Parents, your children need to hear you pray for them; they need to know that you care enough to go to God about them. Hearing your children pray for you and pray for each other will tug at your heart strings. Pray together.
-You single folks – spend the time with the Lord. Make Him your companion. If you expect you’ll be married someday, pray for that person, whoever he or she may be, that you’ll someday marry.
2. Worship Together
-Family devotions are a worthwhile goal. It will take a monumental commitment to make it happen. In fact, there’s a very realistic book out now to help with that called Not-So-Quiet Time! It won't be easy; in fact there will be every reason in the world for you to not do this. It may take going through several unsuccessful game plans. There are a lot of good resources available to help with this. Focus on the Family is a good place to start looking. You can do it!
-Worship together with the Family of God is also a vital matter. Parents, your children are watching your decisions and without a word you're teaching them about what takes priority in life.
Ill - You get tickets to a Chiefs’ game, and church gets bumped -- You've just made a bold statement about your priorities. The alarm doesn't get set, unexpected company comes over Saturday night, a soccer game gets scheduled, you're tired from a tough week -- whatever the reason, when you blow off being here on Sunday because of it, you're teaching the next generation what's really important in life.
Ill- I know of a Christian parent in Cincinnati who discussed this with his kids when the sports conflicts first started, "Our first commitment is to being in church because that honors God and that's what He wants us to do." It wasn't an easy stand to take, but the Lord has honored that level of commitment in his family.
-Make your worship together a priority.
And, once again, if you’re the single person I’m speaking to this morning, you need more than anyone to have a church family, and you need to be together with that family more than anyone. Don’t think that this is less important to you because of singleness. If anything it’s more important! Worship together.
3. Talk About Spiritual Matters as a Family
-"I put a mirror on my TV set. I wanted to see what my family looked like!" Maybe the first thing we should say is just plain "talk!" That's a feature lacking in many of our homes. But "when?" and "about what?" is important too!
*Dt 6:4-9
-Parents, if we don't do this who will? The Spice girls. Homer and Bart Simpson. Magazine editors. Disk jockeys. And Michael Eisner. Sorry, I think we have a whole lot more to fill our kids' lives with that's worthwhile, don't you?
-Dads need to take the lead in this. Talk about spiritual matters as a family. If we'll make that a practice at home, it won't seem so awkward at school and work and on vacation.
Conclusion
A few years ago, Gloria Steinam, editor of MS. Magazine wrote this: "By the year 2000 we will, I hope, raise our children to believe in human potential, not God..."
Sorry, Gloria, but I know of several homes where your hope just hasn’t been realized. Just the same, her prediction serves to remind us that our homes need a shot in the arm. Satan's most active front is against those fortresses we call home.
-Ill - John D. Unwin, British anthropologist, did an in-depth study of 80 civilizations that have come and gone over 4,000 years. A common thread ran through all of them. They all started out with a conservative mind-set, strong moral values, and a heavy emphasis on family. Over time, the conservative mind-set became more and more liberal, moral values declined, and the family suffered. In each instance, as the family deteriorated, the civilization itself started to come apart. In all 80 cases, the fall of the nation was related to the fall of the family. In most cases, the civilization fell within one generation of the fall of the family unit.
-Strong nations are built on the foundation of strong families. A Strong Church is built on the foundation of strong families. Strong families are built on the foundation of Jesus.
*This message has elements borrowed from a similar message by my brother in the ministry and by birth, Kenneth Nichols
