THE ROLE OF FATHERS
Text: Ephesians 6:4
And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4 NRSV).
Fathers, don’t exasperate your children, but raise them up with loving discipline and counsel that brings the revelation of our Lord (Ephesians 6:4 TPT).
In his book Heroic Path, John Sowers, describes his scary journey as a father of two daughters. He, himself grew up without a dad, grandad, or uncle around which left him feeling “lost at sea”. But, he said, it was” love that gave him confidence” (John Sowers. Heroic Path. New York: Jericho Books, 2014, p. 7). His observation was keen and profound from what he began to learn. He said “Our greatest challenge as men is to carry our assigned weight. ….. The specifics look different for each one of us. We may not know how to carry our weight, but love calls us to figure that out. We are all tempted to despair, to get discouraged and stall out. …… Some men numb out, overeat, oversleep, avoid. Millions quit. Others stand firm under the weight”. ( pp 26 - 27). Being a father is both a joy and an awesome responsibility that should never be taken lightly.
Today we will explore the role and vacuum of fatherhood and the legacy of fatherhood.
ROLE or VACUUM of fatherhood
What happens to kids without the active role of godly fathers?
1) God’s design: God meant for earthly fathers to be a godly model in all respects who model good works, integrity and dignity (Titus 2:7).
2) From generation to generation: Deuteronomy 6:6-9 Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. (7) Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. (8) Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, (9) and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates (NRSV).
3) Teachers: The first grade teacher asked one of the students if he know his numbers. He said he did----that his father taught him. “Okay ,”the teacher said, “let’s see how much he taught you.”
The boy agreed so the teacher asked , “What number comes after two?” “Three, “ answered the boy.
“What comes after five?’
“Six.”
“What comes after eight?”
“Nine.”
The teacher was pleased with the boy. “Very good,” praised the teacher.
“It looks like your father did a great job. So tell me, what comes after ten?”
“A jack,” the boy answered.” (Michael E. Hodgin. 1002 Humorous Illustrations. Grand Rapids, 2004, pp. 132 - 33). You get the point. What we teach our children matters!
What happens to children where there are absentee fathers?
1) Statistics: Statistically, one of the most common problems in the brokenness of young people today is the absence of fathers. How many children wind up acting out in anger because they were mad at their “absent without leave” fathers?
2) Canvases: Our role as father’s is much like a blank canvas that has not been painted on yet. What we do and say matters. To illustrate that point consider this observation: “American artist James Whistler was never known for his modesty. On one occasion, he was advised that a shipment of blank canvases had been lost in the mail. When the authorities asked him if the canvases were of any great value, Whistler replied, "Not yet, not yet." Like a blank canvas, the value of our lives can be limitless if we allow God to create his masterpiece in us.” (Raymond McHenry. McHenry’s Quips, Quotes & Other Notes. [Today in the Word, Dec. 1992, p. 8]. McHenry Peabody: Hendrickson Publishers, 1998, p. 193). Apart from doing things God’s way, we will more than likely make a mess where God wants a masterpiece!
3) Fill in the blanks: When absentee dads are not there in the lives of their children, then children learn to fill in the blanks without their dad’s guidance. For good or ill. How can children learn about godliness, good works, integrity, dignity (Titus 2:7) from a father’s perspective if the father has gone absence without leave? How can children learn about how to love God with all of their hearts, souls, minds and strength (Deuteronomy 6:5) and from a father’s perspective if he neglects to impress it upon them through walking, talking and teaching them from the time they rise till the time they go to bed (Deuteronomy 6:6- 9)?
4) Parental Alienation: Sometimes fathers are absent not because they want to be but because they are excluded from having any interaction with their children by the choice of an ex-wife. It goes without saying that “Parental alienation” can also make a mess where God wants a masterpiece!
LEGACY OF FATHERHOOD
Is the legacy of fatherhood in danger?
1) Vacuum: Someone (Leo Buscaglia) once made a powerful observation. He was in the perfect place to make such an observation as a supervisor of an educational program for disabled children. He was observing some mildly retarded fourth graders when he made this observation. He observed a teacher reading a story to the children in that class. The story kept repeating over and over, “But, the little duck had no father”. As the teacher checked for comprehension after she finished the story she asked, “Did the duck have a father?” She started with a little girl named Martha. The teacher repeated the question as Martha kept repeating her answer---“yes”. Finally, Martha said with tears in her eyes, “But teacher everybody gots a father”. (Leo Buscaglia. Papa My Father. Thorofare: Slack Inc., 1989, pp. 17-19). Now nobody could argue with the little girl because she was right “… everybody gots a father”. But, not everyone has a Dad. What was the that girl saying that was wise beyond her years.
2) Filling the void: There was a young man who grew up with a father who went awol shortly after he was born. He was bullied in third grade and robbed at gunpoint for the nickels and quarters in his pocket. He lived in fear and was ashamed of himself because he ran.
He liked pigeons so he stole money and bought some, trained and cared for them. Then one day, a fifteen year old gang leader found and killed his pigeons with his bare hands. Even though he was only nine years old, he beat that fifteen year old gang member to an an inch of his life. After that fight, he became the most feared gangster in Brooklyn.
By the time he was twelve, he was in the juvenile detention center. He spent time in solitary confinement. One day he asked to meet Bobby Stewart (a fiery Irishman and former pro boxer). When they met, the boy told Bobby that he wanted to be a boxer. The agreemnet that Stewart made with the boy was that he had to stay out of trouble for a month and then they would talk.
The boy was now thirteen and two hundred pounds. Stewart taught him the basics of boxing. Stewart soon realized he would be no match for the boy.
Later, he introduced that boy to Constantine “Cus” D’Amato whose unwritten resume included being part monk, part street tough Italian, part philosopher and part priest. In many ways Cus exhibited a godly model in good works, integrity and dignity (Titus 2:7). He adopted that boy, became a father to him and taught him how to become the youngest heavy weight boxer ever known at the age of twenty. We know him as “Iron Mike Tyson”. “Love was driving out fear and Tyson was becoming a son”.
Cus passed away and Mike’s world crashed! He did well for two years before he derailed and returned to his old gangster ways, drinking, drugging and street fighting. He stumbled and lost to Buster Douglas. He was arrested multiple times, convicted of rape and thrown in prison. (quoted and paraphrased from John Sowers’s Heroic Path who quoted James Toback. Tyson: The Movie (Sony Pictures Classics, 2009). Years before his death, Cus said prophetically, “To see a man not beaten by a better opponent, but by himself is a tragedy.” (The Heavyweight Muddle,” Sports Illustrated, March 25, 1963). There is no doubt that the lack of a father or father figure can cause wounds to one’s soul!
How many cannot heal because of wounded pride?
1) Stuck in a rut: Who likes to be stuck in a rut? Are we stuck in a rut because of a stronghold? “Stronghold thinking that protects bitterness, unforgiveness, anger and pride” keeps us in a rut (Liberty Savard. Shattering Your Strongholds. Newberry, Florida: Bridge Logos, 1992, p. 39). If you and your father are separated because of these emotional strongholds, then God wants reconciliation. The enemy wants us to stay in that rut. God wants us to get out of it.
2) Destiny: “It has been said that the man who curses his father curses his destiny!” (John Sowers. Heroic Path. New York: Jericho Books, 2014, p. 133).
3) Fatherhood is a destiny: “Dad is Destiny”. A cover article in the February 27 issue of U. S. News & World Report concluded that: Dad is destiny. More than any other factor, a father’s presence in the family will determine a child’s success and happiness.” The article noted that nearly two out of every five children in America do not live with their fathers. (New Man, May/June 1995, p. 10 [Galaxie Software. (2002). 10,000 Sermon Illustrations. Biblical Studies Press]). How many of those children do well with no father figure in their lives?
4) Character: In his book, The Wisdom of Faith, the late Bobby Bowden said something very profound. He said, “The greatest tests we face in life are not tests of intelligence but tests of character”. (p. 31). “Character is forged on the anvil of conflict. And courage is essential. Such courage comes only from God”. (Bobby Bowden. The Wisdom of Faith. Nashville: B & H publishing Group, 2014, p. 37). Bobby knew about that kind of courage because he lost both of his parents at a young age.
5) Defining moment: John Sowers said, “Growing up without a dad, a granddad, or uncle around made him feel lost at sea” (p.7). The day came when he made peace with his dad who went awol when he was a child. It was awkward, but he called his dad. The conversation was a safety zone topic when his father mentioned that his grandmother who lived in a nursing home might die soon. John unloaded on his dad for driving off when he was a kid. Of course his dad had great remorse about it. He said, “For years demons convinced me of his indifference. Sometimes no demons are needed---as distance and lack of interest are needed too. .… Sowers had previously written a book entitled Fatherless Generation. In his book Heroic Path, Sowers wrote how forgiveness is necessary whether a dad has passed away, been locked up or maybe someone we never got to know. He said we have to make peace, let go of the bitterness and the victim story because those hangups will keep those who harbor them in their hearts from moving on. (quoted and paraphrased from John Sowers. Heroic Path. New York: Jericho Books, 2014, pp. 130 -133).
6) Legacy : Christian artist Nicole Norderman once recorded a song on her “Woven and Spun” (2002) CD called Legacy. An excerpt of lyrics in the middle of the song say ….
“I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough?
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically"
Our role as godly fathers is to “carry our assigned weight” . Again, being a father is both a joy and an awesome responsibility that should never be taken lightly. God wants us to be good role models not only for our own children but also for those who may look to us as a father figure.
God meant for earthly fathers to be a godly model in all respects who model good works, integrity and dignity (Titus 2:7) and God’s love while training them in the way that they are to go (Proverbs 22:6).
In the Name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
