Introduction
Video Ill.: I Love My Wife — The Skit Guys
The Stories Behind the Heart Emoji
Source: Marilyn Yalom, The Amorous Heart (Basic Books, 2018), pages 219-223
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The Heart Emoji. How many of you have used the heart emoji when texting?
Do you know where it came from?
In 1977 the heart icon became a verb. The “I??NY” Logo was created to boost morale for a city that was in severe crisis. Trash piled up on the streets, the crime rate spiked, and New York City was near bankruptcy. Hired by the city to design an image that would increase tourism, Milton Glaser created the famous logo that has since become both a cliché and a meme.
After the 9/11 terrorist attacks, New Yorkers had tragic reasons for loving their city all the more. Glaser even designed a modified version of his logo: "I??NY More than Ever.”
A few years earlier, a new graphic form appeared that also played on the heart image. In 1999 the Japanese provider NTT DoCoMo released the first emoji made specifically for mobile communication. The original 176 emoji’s were rendered in black and white, before they were painted one of six colors. Among the original 176 emojis there were five of the heart. Today our online messages are regularly punctuated by heart emojis in multiple colors and combinations.
This morning, for the love of family, we are to “heart” our spouses.
What should that look like?
How should we love our spouses?
Erich Fromm, “The Art of Loving”
Erich Fromm, in The Art of Loving, writes, “Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment or decision.”
Love is not just a feeling, an emotion that we feel and experience.
Love is something that must be put into action. Love is a decision — a judgment we make — an effort we make.
Mother Teresa once said, “Love cannot remain by itself — it has no meaning. Love has to be put into action and that action is service.”
Paul, instructs husbands in Ephesians 5:
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5, NIV)
Over in Titus 2, Paul instructs Titus how younger women are to be taught by the older women in the church.
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. (Titus 2, NIV)
The picture of the marriage of a man and a woman is a picture of Jesus and His bride, the church.
How should we love our spouses? The same way Jesus loves the church.
Our love must be sacrificial.
Sacrifice of a Husband
Source: Men of Integrity, Vol. 1, no. 2.
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According to Stand Firm, although Johnny Oates managed the Texas Rangers, he was no Lone Ranger — at that time, when he took the manager position with the Rangers in 1995, he had a wife and three kids. He also had a mind set on reaching the World Series again. Those ambitions controlled him until he decided baseball would no longer be his god.
Oates's wife was hospitalized for emotional and physical exhaustion in April 1995. The timing? His first season with the Rangers was opening.
Yet he had the courage to ask for a leave of absence to spend time with his sick wife. His assistants could handle the dugout. No one else could do the husbanding.
He stood by Gloria. The team stood by him.
In 1996, when the Texas Rangers made their first playoff appearance, Oates was his league's Manager of the Year; for Gloria, he's the husband of a lifetime.
Jesus Christ gave us the ultimate model of love: He sacrificed himself for others. It doesn't take any special ability to live a self-centered life. But it takes character to sacrifice.
To love like Jesus is to sacrifice.
There’s a cost involved to love.
Consider what Jesus did, even for someone we would call one of His enemies. In the garden of Gethsemane, a mob came to arrest Him. As a result, one of Jesus’ disciples lashed out with his sword and cut off the ear of a high priest’s servant. Even though the servant was part of the mob that had come to arrest Jesus, Jesus showed the man compassion and love, healing his ear.
Then, in another act of sacrificial love, Jesus gave Himself over to be arrested.
Jesus gave up His life because He loved us.
Jesus was willing to give up everything because He so loved us.
Because Jesus loved us, He was willing to sacrifice His life for you and me.
Jesus suffered and died on a cross because He knew that was the only way we could join Him in heaven.
We may not be asked to literally give up our lives for our spouses, but we should still love like Jesus by sacrificing our own desires to help, encourage, and support our husbands and wives.
We must love our spouses with everything we have, with all that we are, not holding anything back.
We must give of ourselves for our spouses, sacrificially loving them with all we have.
2. Loving our spouses means we must serve each other.
Love Begins with Service
Source: Martin Luther. "Martin Luther--The Later Years and Legacy," Christian History, Issue 39.
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Martin Luther, the great reformer, said, “Some marriages were motivated by mere lust, but mere lust is felt even by fleas and lice. Love begins when we wish to serve others.”
Displaced Gratification
Source: John Ashcroft, former governor of Missouri, was elected to the U.S. Senate in 1994. He is author of Lessons from a Father to His Son, Men of Integrity, Vol. 1, no. 2.
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Former Governor of Missouri, Senator, and US Attorney General John Ashcroft was interviewed one time.
He was asked, “People often discuss the importance of delayed gratification; what do you mean when you talk about ‘displaced gratification’?
In delayed gratification, we put off something so that we can enjoy something even better later on — avoiding … [sex] … before marriage, for instance, so that we can more fully enter into a deeper love of the marital union. In displaced gratification, we put off something so that the gratification can go to somebody else. Within marriage, for example, we put our spouse's needs ahead of our own.
When William Booth finally left the Salvation Army, he sent a one-word telegram to every member of his army. That one word embodied the guiding principle of Booth's life: "Others."
Mr. Ashcroft was asked, “What is the reward of displaced gratification?”
The man or woman who understands delayed and displaced gratification realizes that "others" are what it's all about. Instead of demanding our rights and satisfaction, we can work for the rights of others, we can find fulfillment in seeing other people satisfied, and we can serve instead of trying to conquer. Displaced gratification is the oil that keeps our society running smoothly.
Finally, Mr. Ashcroft was asked, “Where do you draw inspiration to live this way?”
Learning to put the needs of others above your own is the "displaced gratification" my father taught me about. The ultimate understanding of displaced gratification is reflected in the life of Christ, who gave up heaven for earth, who could have been crowned king, and who could have called ten thousand angels to rescue Him from the cross. Instead He accepted brutal, humiliating torture on our behalf. He put serving others ahead of serving His own needs.
Jesus modeled serving others in all that He did while He lived among us.
Consider the events as Jesus and His disciples were getting ready for the Passover — their Last Supper together.
As they were eating the meal, Jesus got up, took off His outer garment, wrapped a towel around His waist, and proceeded to go around the table, washing the feet of His disciples, one by one.
Each one.
Even the feet of Judas, who was sitting at the table, who would get up in just a few minutes, leave the supper, go to the religious leaders, and betray Jesus.
Even Jesus.
You see, Jesus didn’t just talk the talk; He walked the walk. Jesus washed His disciples’ feet, putting Himself in the place of a servant.
He did this, according to John 13:15, as an example of what they should do.
He did this as an example of how we should love.
Jesus was not afraid to humble Himself and show others His love by serving them.
Jesus reiterated this point powerfully in Mark 10:45 when He said that He came not to be served, but to serve.
What a mindset we can have. What a way to love if we adopt Jesus’ mindset — we are not here to be served, but to serve.
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/how-to-truly-love-your-spouse/
Love is the choice to cooperate with God in serving your spouse. The individuals who truly love see themselves as God’s agents for enriching the lives of their marriage partner. For them, love is a way of life. They are constantly looking for ways to help, encourage and support the partner.
This morning, loving our spouse means we serve each other.
3. Finally, loving our spouse as Jesus loved the church means we show forgiveness.
Wife Forgives Unfaithful Husband
Source: Randy Frazee, pastor of Pantego Bible Church, Fort Worth, Texas, from sermon preached 6-24-01, "Uncommon Confessions”
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Consider a story Randy Frazee, pastor of Pantego Bible Church in Fort Worth, Texas, shared:
I remember seeing a picture of a husband and wife in a gentleman's office. I said, "Nice picture." I turned around and looked at the man, and he had tears in his eyes. So I asked him, "Why are you crying?"
He said, "There was a time in our marriage when I was unfaithful to my wife, and she found out about it. She was so deeply hurt and injured she was going to leave me and take the kids with her. I was overwhelmed at the mistake I had made, and I shut the affair down. I went to my wife in total brokenness. Knowing I did not deserve for her to answer in the affirmative, I asked her to forgive me. And she forgave me.
"This picture was taken shortly after that. When I see this picture, I see a woman who forgave me. I see a woman who was willing to stand with me in this picture. So when you see this picture you say, 'Nice picture.' But when I see this picture I see my life given back to me again."
Husband Forgives Wife's Stealing
Source: Bryan Chapell, "Why He Just Takes It" Men of Integrity (September/October 2001)
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Bryan Chapell shares this story in “Men of Integrity”:
Friends of ours grew up in the church and have a fine house, sweet kids, and good jobs. But the wife has an emotional/mental problem. She periodically steals from her own family and gambles the money away.
She's been to counselors, doctors, and pastors, but nothing helps permanently. Imagine your own wife stealing from you, pawning objects of value, withdrawing money from bank accounts intentionally (but not infallibly) denied her, and lying about it for months.
Every time she's stolen from her husband and ruined his future, he's forgiven her and taken her back. Even when she gave up on her own life and tried to kill herself, he refused to give up on her.
I asked this husband once why he didn't end this marriage, in spite of pressure from many friends and family to do so. His words were courageous and simple: "She is a good mother most of the time, and my children need her. But more than that, they need to know the love of their God. How can they know of a Father in heaven who forgives them if their own father won't forgive their own mother?"
What an example that the wife in the first story and the husband in the second story give us today.
They are living out the words of Paul in Colossians 3:
12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. (Colossians 3, NKJV)
I don’t think we need to go down the path of itemizing all of the things for which God has forgiven us.
I think it suffices to say that we have wronged God. We are guilty of the body and blood of Jesus. We crucified Jesus. Yet, because of Jesus’ sacrifice, we are forgiven.
That is exactly how we are to love our spouses.
A big part of living with someone, with making it work with our spouses is forgiveness.
We cannot hold on to grudges and constantly remind them of their missteps.
We cannot live unforgivingly if we expect God to forgive us.
Loving our spouses means that we are willing and ready to forgive when they hurt us, when they break our hearts, when they betray our trust, when they wrong us.
Is it easy?
Was it easy for the wife who forgave her husband of an affair?
I would venture to say no.
Was it easy for the husband to continue to forgive his wife who stole from him and his family?
I think the answer is no.
But that is part of what it means to sacrifice.
Jesus sacrificed His life for us so that He could bring us forgiveness for what we have done.
And there is nothing we could do to each other worse than how we have sinned against God.
Conclusion
This morning, Jesus provides us the greatest example of love that the world has ever known.
Soon we will be approaching the Easter season.
As we do, our hearts are reminded of exactly what Jesus did for us to show us His love.
This morning, I want to wrap-up with a scene from the movie “Fireproof”.
The movie is the story of Caleb and Kathryn Holt, a couple that is considering divorce after seven years of marriage. In one last attempt to salvage their marriage, Caleb’s father asks Caleb to try a 40-day experiment he calls “The Love Dare”. Caleb agrees. In the scene we are going to watch, Caleb, a firefighter, has reached the half-way mark in the experiment. He calls his father to talk about how things are going.
Perceiving that his son is about to give up on “The Love Dare”, Caleb’s father comes for a visit and the two decide to go for a walk. Along the way, they come to a clearing in an area where church camp is held.
That’s where our scene happens.
Video Ill.: Fireproof - The Message of the Cross — Elapsed Time: DVD, chapter 16, 00:57:01 – 00:58:38
This morning, we cannot love anyone the way Jesus loves us if we have not first given our lives to Him.
This morning, even if you are not married, we need to evaluate the way we are living our lives. Are we loving our spouses, our family, our friends, our neighbors, all people the way Jesus loved us?
Do we love sacrificially? Do we love, serving others? Do we love forgivingly?
This morning, we are called to love others because Jesus has first loved us.
If you have not given your life to Him, it’s going to be hard to show others that love, because we have not first experienced ourselves.
Come this morning and feel the love that God has for you.
