MS112623
HOW TO STOP YOUR CULTURE FROM DYING
4. CULTIVATE NEW RELATIONSHIPS
(SLIDE)
In this series we said culture is in rapid decay and splitting apart at the seams:
- Politically
- Ethnically
- Morally and
- Socially.
(SLIDE) But we said, in the letter to the Ephesians is God’s Renewal Manual. In 3000 words Paul paints a vision of a salty new society subversively placed inside larger society. Being a “salty” subculture of course doesn’t mean a place where they swear a lot! We mean a subculture that, like salt in meat, PRESERVES life and joy and peace and meaning, inside a culture that’s rotting.
To review: We’ve seen God’s dream of radical newness building over 3 weeks. It’s started with:
- (SLIDE) New creations, adopted into God’s family by grace, united in a…
- (SLIDE) New Community, of oneness across racial, ethnic, social lines, living by a…
- (SLIDE) New Standard, pure and different, imitating God…
o And today we get to the end of the Ephesians renewal project seeing these new people…
o (SLIDE) cultivate New Relationships.
(SLIDE) 4 KEY RELATIONSHIPS
Now, when I say we must cultivate New Relationships we’re not saying different relationships. What we mean by “new” is a different posture in the same relationships. Because EVERYONE, past or present, Christian or non-Christian, whether part of the church or not has the SAME key relationships which Paul addresses in this letter.
What are those KEY RELATIONSHIPS? We are…
- (SLIDE) Sexual beings enmeshed in marriage relationships.
- (SLIDE) Generational beings enmeshed in relationships with children and parents.
- (SLIDE) Material beings enmeshed in relationships with work and bosses.
- (BULLET) Spiritual beings enmeshed in relationships with spiritual powers above us.
(We could add a 5th key relationship: we are also political beings – enmeshed in relationship with civil powers and gov’t. But Paul addresses that in a different letter, so we won’t get into that today.)
Now, in our dying society, what is the emphasis in each of these relationships?
If you harken back to last week the words used for our moral ethos were “moral relativism” and “exaltation of the self.” So, the answer to the question, what defines our posture in each of these relationships is:
- (SLIDE) freedom, independence and self-expression.
Now is FREEDOM bad? No. In fact, in one sense, Paul is all aboard the freedom train when it comes to these relationships. We know all too well from history that:
- wives in many cultures have been exploited and considered property.
- children were suppressed and expected to be seen and not heard.
- workers were unjustly treated in lousy conditions, not to mention the abomination of the American slave trade.
- Superstition ruled.
So, this brings us to a critical point for any people investigating the Faith today or anyone who has said the following line:
- “Christianity is uniquely responsible for all the exploitation of women and children and workers and is a pro-slavery religion.”
- Ever heard that? Whenever people say that, the question to ask is this:
o When Christians were perpetuating oppression, who wasn’t? Like how did you figure it out?
o Where the Muslims against slavery? How about the Buddhists or the Hindus? Now, you say, well, Rick no religion got it right because religion poisons everything.
o Ok, how about the post-enlightenment rationalists? Were they uniformly living out equality and freedom in all these relationships? No, they weren’t.
o They did however give us a scientific basis for racism in the 18th century.
Now, it’s certainly true that many Christians to their shame have caused oppression in these key relationships. But we should be the first to cheer the liberation that’s happened in these relationships – you know why? Ask, to whom do women, children and slaves chiefly owe their liberation?
To Jesus!
- Jesus treated women with courtesy and honor in an age when they were despised, and further brought them into his extended band of apprentices!
- Jesus said, “let the little children come to me” in a Roman world where unwanted babies were consigned to the local dump (as they are today to hospital incinerators labeled, “medical waste”.)
- Jesus taught the dignity of manual labor, working as a carpenter and saying, “I am among you as one who serves.”
- Jesus revealed that everyone – regardless of background – could belong to the family of God.
- Jesus affirmed limits to the power of the State.
It’s absolutely critical that we start with this foundation because what comes next in this sermon – for some of you – is going to sound like nails on a chalkboard:
- If you don’t get this underlying foundation that in Christ a radical new kind of freedom has come,
- If you don’t remember that Paul
o taught the radical equality of Jew and Gentile in the Church… and said:
o In the church there is no longer slave or free… and also said
o In the Church there is no longer male or female…
- If you don’t remember this,
o Then what comes next is going to seem like a contradiction.
So, park your brain on this fact before we take one step into this RELATIONSHIP SECTION of Ephesians. We affirm – because of Jesus and NOT because of Marx or Jefferson or Ghandi or anyone else who stood on his GIANT shoulders – we affirm 3 things:
- (SLIDE) The dignity of womanhood, childhood, and servanthood
- The equality of all before God, regardless of their race, class, sex or age.
- The freedom to worship according to conscience.
So, largely BECAUSE of Christ, we have this posture fundamental to all modern relationships: FREEDOM. (SLIDE) HOWEVER, let me ask you a question:
- Can this ever go sideways?
- Can a single-minded emphasis on independence, and self-expression and personal freedom lead to relational problems?
AC3: isn’t the answer YES!? Think about it:
- If you and I being equal is taken to mean we must all have the same roles and the same outcomes, then…
- In any relationship where you have more than I do, or anytime that you are over me in a relationship, I will think I’m being oppressed.
o And what happens then? Resentment, followed by revolt followed by disorder followed by unhappiness.
Friends, this is not going well! Dignity, equality and freedom were not meant to make us feel entitled to another person’s position, gifts, abilities, roles, or advantages in life. And if I start to feel entitled to these things, that’s the lie of Eden resurrecting itself:
- “GOD IS HOLDING OUT ON YOU!”
- You’re being held down!
- Why do they have what you don’t have?
o You’re EQUAL!!
So “Freedom” descends into bondage and chaos and disunity and a seething resentment. And that about sums up how we’re doing in the 4 key relationships Paul talks about:
- IN MARRIAGE: “I assert my right to be fulfilled” And if not, I will be liberated from the bonds of my promises! Liberty trumps covenant.
- IN GENERATIONAL RELATIONSHIPS. Children have been liberated… right up to the place where parents don’t have access to their 13 year old daughter’s medical records.
- IN WORK RELATIONSHIPS. We have an itchy trigger finger about what constitutes harassment or discrimination.
ILLUS: EXPECTATIONS
This assertion of our rights over responsibilities can get to hilarious extremes, which reminds me of a bit by comedian Steve Trevino:
? (SLIDE) “So, listen all you single women in your 20’s, pay attention because I want you to be happy faster: Lower your expectations. You’re not a princess, your father lied to you.
? “I’m going to marry somebody rich!” Mmm, probably not.
? If you really want to be rich, rich in the things that matter, marry a real man, a family man who goes to work every day and you will be happy and you’ll be rich.
? And I know you young women are like, “Oh, I want that! …But can he also have abs?”
? No. He can’t. Men who work hard don’t have abs; we have one ab.”
The point is, IF our posture is relationships is ONLY freedom can devolve into crazy expectations, and narcissism and selfishness.
Alright but in Ephesians we Christ followers are called to cultivate a radically different posture in each of these 4 key relationships. That posture is summed up in one amazing and amazingly unpopular word, does anyone want to guess what it is?
- (SLIDE) SUBMISSION and SERVANTHOOD
(SLIDE) THE EPHESIANS SUBMISSION PROGRAM
Let’s dive in:
- (SLIDE) Eph 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
o This is important: This is like the heading for the section on new relationships. It sets the tone or ALL of them.
? Why? Not because we’re milquetoast, or others are better, but out of respect for Jesus, we act as if they are (Phil 2). In fact, the word “SUBMISSION” means “to bring yourself under.” So how wild is this, even if we have authority OVER another, the posture we adopt is to mentally bring ourselves UNDER!!
o Submission defines how Christians do relationship relate whether you’re in preschool or you’re the president.
Now Paul gets practical. First, wives:
- (SLIDE) 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
o MOST unpopular verse! But remember: Christian wives submit, not because a husband is better or more valuable or smarter or stronger, or more gifted, but in emulation of the Church’s loving surrender to the headship of Christ.
o NOW: if you think this is unfair, two things:
? First, no woman in the 1st century would think this was unfair. See, in the Roman world a wife was taken young, usually at 13*. It’s the new motivation which would have surprised any wife in that era. Wait, I don’t submit because I’m property? I don’t submit because I’m younger? I don’t submit because I’m physically weaker? No. Not for any of those reasons, but only: to emulate the Lord. For the Lord submitted to his Father, and now you submit to Jesus, so to your husband as well.
? Second, if you think this is unfair, next verse:
- (SLIDE) 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
o So, the word for husbands is not submit, but love – so do husbands get a pass on the SUBMISSION POSTURE. Well, what does loving our wives mean? READ: “Give yourselves up for her.” I don’t know about you, but when I “give myself up” that is not code for “get your own way all the time.” It kinda sounds like submission, actually. And again the motivation is Christ – to do what Christ did for the Church. Did Jesus not submit his will when he gave up his life for the Church?*
? Thus a Christian marriage is a place of
• mutual submission.
But still you might be rankled by the different word choice here: Submission vs Love. If they’re equal, why doesn’t God use the SAME word for their relational posture toward each other? The answer is this: men and women are equal but they’re not the same. Therefore, they come to marriage with a different fundamental NEED and OBLIGATION to the other.
And what are those needs?
ILLUS: Let’s figure that out by playing a game of “would you rather.” Let’s say you’ve had the bottom fall of out of your life:
- Would you rather feel totally alone and totally unloved in the world
o OR
- Would you rather feel totally inadequate and disrespected by everyone?
Now, it’s never 100% but in several surveys significant majorities of men would RATHER feel alone and unloved and majorities of women would RATHER feel inadequate and disrespected. Which means:
- MEN: a fate worse than death for your woman, is to feel unloved and un-pursued, un-prioritized, uncherished and alone.
- WOMEN: a fate worse than death for your man, is to feel inadequate and disrespected, and like he can’t cut it.
Therefore, when Paul summaries this section on the New Posture in the marriage relationship he changes his words slightly and says:
- (SLIDE) Eph 5:33 …So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
o Men and women are not the same. So how God frames our responsibility to submit to each other is not the same either.
Next relationship, Parents with Children:
- (SLIDE) Eph 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
o Each new generation is to respect and obey its forebears. And again, why? Because parents are always smarter? (Well, in our house, of course!!) Because parents are always more mature, wiser, or worthy? No, children do so “in the Lord”.
? See, God has ultimate authority, which he uses to set out his good way to live. Do this, don’t do that. Trust me, I made you, I know how you’ll flourish best and what will harm you.
? When we are born, mom and dad represent God’s authority. So Paul says, obey them “in the Lord’, see behind your Parent, the Lord.
? For God is a God of moral order.
Next Relationship: Parents:
- (SLIDE) Eph 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
o Remember we said that submission was the posture in ALL relationships, even where you were the one in authority? So too with parents:
? Yes, you set rules, you enforce consequences, but you do so… submitted to their need to flourish, not your need to be obeyed.
? Instead, your model of leadership is the nurture and instruction of Jesus.
Next relationship:
- (SLIDE) Eph 6:5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.
o Now, thankfully slavery is gone. But an overarching principle is still in effect in these verses. Why? Because everyone still has a relationship with “masters”.
? ILLUS: My kids get very sideways if they feel a teacher has it out for them. I tell them, girls, at school you are not just learning math and science. You are learning how to live with a boss. You are learning to have a respectful attitude, a sincere heart, even with difficult authority figures.
? So, don’t think you’re working for them. You’re working for God and because he’s the authority behind all authority. Please him.
o So, if you are a worker this applies to you, even if you’re not a slave(*), and even if YOU are the boss, you still have a master: it’s your board, your bottom line, the gov’t. We’re all accountable to some authority and there’s two ways to be towards them.
? 1 is cavalier, willful, lazy, sneaky, and disrespectful.
? 2 is the Ephesian way:
• Respectful, obedient and with “sincerity of heart.”
Why is slavery gone? Next verse:
- (SLIDE) Eph 6:9 And masters, treat your slaves in the same way.
o Now, imagine you’re a slave owner and your slaves are part of the same house church you go to. One Sunday they read this letter to your little fellowship.
o You just heard the Apostle tell your slaves to submit and obey joyfully and fearfully. This seems like good news to you. It’s going to make slave discipline a lot easier. Yay!
o But then he keeps reading and now he’s talking to you, slave owner, and the first line is “everything you just heard, do that for your slaves.” Wait… what? Your circuits are frying! In the same way? That means I have to serve my slaves?
? WOW!
? This attitude stood the whole institution of slavery on its ear! And not just in theory. As a result of teaching like this, slavery gradually evaporated in Christian Europe after the fall of Rome.
Final new relationship:
- (SLIDE) Eph 6:10-11: Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
o Here Paul seems to turn a corner and talk about a totally different relationship: battling spiritual forces of evil. It doesn’t look like submission, it looks like FIGHTING!
? But in the full scope of the Bible, it IS related to the same submission/authority idea. How so?
o (SLIDE) Look at James 4:7: “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
? You see in relationships, the Christian New-Creation submits FIRST to God.
? And that submission brings us into immediate conflict with the devil.
? When you submitted to Jesus as Lord, you think this is a benign decision? It is not! It was a declaration of WAR!
o You see before Christ we are all little Adams and Eves. Spiritual evil whispers lies into our hearts, and we passively acquiesce! We don’t resist, we actually court temptations at times.
? Some of you, God has been speaking to you about that dark thing you do… and you complain that you keep coming back to it, but friend I ask you in all love: Are you resisting it?
Friend, submitting to God means you radically UN-SUBMIT to the Devil! You “take your stand.” You go to war with him when you submit to God. Going with the flow isn’t going wih the flow… it’s going to war with God.
- Who are you submitting to?
(BLACK) CONCLUSION
AC3 just imagine the power a radical commitment to relationships that are all marked by one amazing, and amazingly unpopular thing:
SUBMISSION.
Oh, yes, I know there are limits to this. Submission is not universal and authority in parents, husbands, gov’ts and bosses is not unlimited. Of course not! Notice what Paul says, submit, IN THE LORD. The submission is always first to God. So, the last relationship mentioned is first in importance.
As Peter said when he was told by authorities not to teach about Jesus:
- We must obey God rather than men.
o So submitting to God may bring us into conflict with others, spouses, children, bosses, gov’ts.
? But MOSTLY submitting to God brings us INTO submission with others, spouses, parents, children, bosses and gov’ts.
This is the pathway to TRUE liberty, Jesus said:
- Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Do you believe him? Do you trust him? If you don’t, you won’t; you won’t enter into radically submissive relationships with your spouse, with your parents, your bosses, and with God unless you see that in the letting go, you gain. And as long as all you’re grasping after is the ‘liberation’ the devil offers, there will be loss.
- Rights over responsibility!
But not us! No, AC3, not the Church. We’re like Paul who said: I am a free man with no master, but I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ. The Christ who came, not to be served but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many.
