Good morning, church family! Today, we're going to talk about a topic that hits close to home for all of us – friendship. We all know the saying, "You are the company you keep," and the Bible has a lot to say about the importance of choosing our friends wisely. Our focus today will be on the value of a real friend, the characteristics of a fake friend, and the wisdom of knowing the difference.
[Title: What is a Friend]
Some may be saying: does it really matter what kind of friends I have, if I know how they operate? Yes, it does matter, because most people go by the following way of thinking when they assess your character.
If you are attempting to assess the character of an individual, you can do it indirectly by identifying his or her friends and assessing their proclivities. Here are three versions of a pertinent saying:
• Show me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.
• Tell me the company you keep, and I’ll tell you who you are.
• By the company you keep I can tell what life you lead.
C.S. Lewis once said, "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival."
What he is saying is this: the types of friends you have are very important because your life can turn based on what kind of relationship it is.
So, to help us along this journey of evaluating our current and future friendships, we’ll look at several passages from Proverbs and one from Jeremiah to highlight the importance of true friendship and the dangers of false friendships.
Let's start by looking at our key Scripture passages for today:
He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed. Evil pursues sinners, But to the righteous, good shall be repaid.
Proverbs 13:20-21
As we dive into these Scriptures, let's open our hearts and minds to the wisdom that God wants to impart to us about friendship. Please join me in prayer:
Heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of friendship and for the true friends You have placed in our lives. Please guide us as we study Your Word today and learn how to discern real friends from fake ones. Grant us wisdom, Lord, to make wise choices in our relationships and to invest in friendships that honor You. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
The Value of a Real Friend
In a world where most relationships are superficial and fleeting, a true friend is a treasure to be cherished. Real friendships are built on trust, loyalty, and a shared commitment to one another's well-being. They are the people who stand by us through thick and thin, who encourage us when we are down, and who celebrate with us when we succeed. The Bible is full of examples of the importance of true friendship, and as we explore this idea, we will see that the value of a real friend is immeasurable.
A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 17:17
A real friend provides support and encouragement. A true friend is there for us in both good times and bad. They are the ones who lift us up when we are feeling down and who offer a listening ear when we need to talk. They are also the ones who celebrate our victories and share in our joys. In this way, a real friend is a source of strength and encouragement that can help us navigate the ups and downs of life.
Berlin -- Jesse Owens seemed sure to win the long jump at the 1936 games. The year before he had jumped 26 feet, 8 1/4 inches -- a record that would stand for 25 years. As he walked to the long-jump pit, however, Owens saw a tall, blue eyed, blond German taking practice jumps in the 26-foot range. Owens felt nervous. He was acutely aware of the Nazis' desire to prove "Aryan superiority," especially over blacks. At this point, the tall German introduced himself as Luz Long. "You should be able to qualify with your eyes closed!" he said to Owens, referring to his two jumps. For the next few moments, the black son of a sharecropper and the white model of Nazi manhood chatted. Then Long suggested, since the qualifying distance was only 23 feet, 5 1/2 inches, why not make a mark several inches before the takeoff board and jump from there, just to play it safe? Owens did and qualified easily. In the finals Owens set an Olympic record and earned the second of four golds. The first person to congratulate him was Luz Long -- in full view of Adolf Hitler. Owens never again saw Long, who was killed in World War II. "You could melt down all the medals and cups I have," Owens later wrote, "and they wouldn't be a platting on the 24-carat friendship I felt for Luz Long."
In this, we see a great example of friendship…a friendship that may have cost Lux Long his life because he befriended someone who his leaders thought was less than a man.
A real friend provides accountability. As Christians, we are called to live lives that honor God and reflect His love to those around us. However, we all know that this is not always an easy task. We are prone to stumble and fall, and sometimes we need someone to help us get back on track. A real friend is willing to hold us accountable and to challenge us when we are not living up to our full potential.
As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:17
A true friend will not shy away from speaking the truth in love, even when it is difficult, because they know that this is what will ultimately help us grow and mature in our faith.
A real friend gives wise counsel. We all face difficult decisions and situations in life, and it can be incredibly helpful to have someone we trust to offer guidance and advice. Which brings us back to our opening verse: “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.” A true friend is grounded in the wisdom of God's Word and who can help us navigate the complexities of life with discernment and understanding. They are the ones we can turn to when we need a fresh perspective or when we are struggling to make sense of a challenging situation.
Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
A real friend helps us grow spiritually. When we have a real friend who shares our faith and our commitment to following Christ, we have a partner in our spiritual journey. Together, we can encourage one another, pray for one another, and spur one another on toward love and good deeds. In this way, a true friendship can be a catalyst for spiritual growth and a means by which we draw closer to God. But a reckless friend, or as the bible labels as a fool, will cause you to forsake your spiritual well-being in the pursuit of worldly pleasures.
There are countless ways in which a true friend enriches our lives and helps us become the people God has called us to be. They are people who know us intimately and who love us unconditionally, despite our flaws and imperfections. They are people who remind us of our worth and our identity as children of God, even when we are struggling to believe it ourselves. They are people who model for us what it means to be a follower of Christ and who inspire us to live lives that are marked by love, grace, and compassion.
Jesus himself modeled the importance of true friendship during his time on earth. He surrounded himself with a close group of friends, the disciples, with whom he shared his life, his ministry, and his heart. He also demonstrated the ultimate act of friendship when he laid down his life for us on the cross, showing us that there is no greater love than the love of a true friend.
These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.
John 15:11-14
Real friendship is immensely valuable. Having someone to walk through the joys and sorrows of life, someone who can challenge us to grow in our faith, and who helps us become the people God has called us to be. That friend, first and foremost is Lord Jesus, who wants nothing but the best for you. He is a friend that beckons you to joy and not sorrow, to peace and not chaos, to a life in heaven and not to languish in hell…a friend who put His life on the line for you and me.
(Take a few minutes to share about a true friend in your life. Perhaps you could share how you met, why you were drawn to them, and what your friendship looks like today.)
The Characteristics of a Fake Friend
Now, let’s take a few minutes to talk about people who are fake friends. Fake friends are those who appear to be genuine and caring on the surface but are ultimately driven by selfish motives and can cause harm to our lives. Sadly, when we do find out the fakers, we are the ones hurt the most. Our hurt feelings come about when we start thinking about the love, compassion, giving, forgiving, and sharing that we did for them, all to find out that they were takers, and the time we wasted paling around with them.
The Bible gives several warnings about these types of friends. I want us to be aware of their characteristics so that we can guard our hearts and make wise choices in our relationships.
“Everyone take heed to his neighbor, And do not trust any brother; For every brother will utterly supplant, And every neighbor will walk with slanderers."
Jeremiah 9:4
Other translations replace neighbor with friend, and brother with family members.
A fake friend is often deceptive and manipulative. Fake friends may use their charm and seemingly kind words to gain our trust, but their true intentions are often hidden beneath a facade. They may spread rumors, gossip, or slander about us behind our backs, causing harm to our reputation and relationships with others.
Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, Lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul.
Proverbs 22:24-25
A fake friend is given to anger and a hot temper. Associating with those who are quick to anger can lead us to adopt their negative behaviors and attitudes, which can be detrimental to our spiritual growth and overall well-being. Know that that adoption of character my happen when you try to defend your hot-headed friend, and in defending your friend for something they most likely caused, you now go down this road and rage and brutality.
Paul says it in 1 Corinthians 15:33, Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”
A fake friend is drawn to us for selfish reasons, such as our wealth or status. Proverbs 19:4 states, " Wealth makes many friends, But the poor is separated from his friend." These individuals are not genuinely interested in our well-being or growth but are instead seeking to benefit from our resources. When our circumstances change or we are no longer able to provide for their needs, they may quickly abandon us.
The Parable of the Lost Son in Luke 15:11-32 illustrates this all to well (summarize the parable).
The Wisdom of Knowing the Difference
To cultivate wisdom is discerning between true and false friends, we must first understand the characteristics of both. We also need to be vigilant in observing these traits in the people we surround ourselves with. We need wisdom in this area for our spiritual well-being and growth, as the company we keep can either uplift and encourage us in our walk with Christ or lead us astray and hinder our spiritual progress, leading us to financial ruin, jail, and even hurt or death.
One of the keyways to discern between a true and false friend is by examining the fruit of their lives. Jesus taught us in Matthew 7:16-20 that we can recognize a person by their fruit, meaning the outcomes and effects of their actions and attitudes. A true friend will exhibit godly characteristics such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). They will be supportive, loyal, and trustworthy, always seeking to build us up and encourage us in our faith (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
Proverbs 27:6
True friends will also be honest with us, even when it is difficult, and will hold us accountable in our walk with Christ. Although we may fell hurt by what was say, a true friend will not shy away from what they told you and will even take the extra time to ensure you that what was say was meant to build you up and not tear you down.
On the other hand, a false friend will exhibit traits that are contrary to the fruit of the Spirit. They may be deceitful, manipulative, or selfish, seeking their own interests above those of others (Philippians 2:3-4). False friends may also be prone to gossip, slander, or causing division among others (Proverbs 16:28). They may lead us into temptation or encourage us to compromise our faith and values (1 Corinthians 15:33). In some cases, false friends may appear outwardly charming and friendly, but their hearts may be filled with deceit and ulterior motives (Proverbs 26:23-25).
To develop the wisdom of knowing the difference between true and false friends, we must also be grounded in God's Word and be led by the Holy Spirit. The Bible provides us with numerous examples and teachings on friendship, and by studying these passages, we can gain a better understanding of what godly friendships should look like. Additionally, the Holy Spirit will guide us, if you stop to listen, in discerning the true intentions and character of those we interact with, helping us to make wise decisions in our relationships (John 16:13).
Furthermore, we must be willing to evaluate our own hearts and motives in our friendships. Are we seeking to be true friends to others, exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit and encouraging them in their faith? Or are we exhibiting traits of false friends, causing harm or leading others astray? Oh, you thought that this message was not going to point on blast for being a false friend?! Well, I’m sorry to tell you, but some of us are not good Christian friends.
By examining our own actions and attitudes, we can grow in our understanding of true friendship and be better equipped to discern between real and fake friends in our lives. As well as determining if we are a fake friend, and in so doing make a U-turn to be more Christlike in our friendships.
Finally, it is important to remember that wisdom in discerning between true and false friends is a process of growth and learning. As we continue to walk with Christ and grow in our faith, our ability to discern between true and false friends will also develop, allowing us to make wiser choices in our relationships and invest in friendships that honor God and support our spiritual growth.
Conclusion
As we wrap up our time together today, let's remember the importance of choosing our friends wisely. True friends are a gift from God, and they help us grow in our faith and become better people. On the other hand, fake friends are an ambassador to Satan, whose sole purpose is to lead us astray and bring harm to our lives, and death to our soul’s. Let's ask God for wisdom and discernment in our relationships and strive to be the kind of friend that reflects His love and grace.
