LOVE IS PATIENCE
I CORINTHIANS 13:4
The Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." You and I are created
to have fellowship with God and each other. It is no accident that solitary
confinement is considered to be punishment. Tonight, we are going to look at
relationships and their importance in our lives. Why? I believe they are
important because of three reasons.
1. They are important because relationships determine our happiness.
They are either the source of our greatest pleasure or our greatest pain.
Psychology tells us that most psychological problems are rooted in wrong
relationships.
2. They are important because they will determine our success.
I was reading the other day, that the most important skill for an executive
to have is the ability to get along with other people.
3. They are important because our relationships develop our character.
Who you are a year from today will be determined by two things: by what you
allow in your mind, and with whom you associate during that time. Bad company corrupts good character." Parents, is your child suddenly doing badly in school? Check out who his new friends are. Has your child’s personality suddenly changed? Check out who his new friends are. Who you hang out with has an influence on your life.
Last week we began our series on Chapter 13 of I Corinthians. We discovered
that God intends for love to be the basis of all of our relationships. The
problem is that most people misunderstand love. We spent part of our sermon
last week defining love. God gave us an entire chapter to help us
understand what love is all about.
Tonight, we are going to look at a new part of our understanding of love. It
is found in I Corinthians 13:4, "Love is Patient." God is telling us that
if we are going to have viable and growing relationships, the first thing
we need is patience. Does that surprise you? It doesn’t surprise me. Why
would God know that? He has had several thousand years of needing patience
in His relationship with us.
The Greek word used here for patience is literally "to have a high boiling
point." This word is never used in the Bible except to explain the
relationships of people. It means that it is loving to be patient. It is
unloving to be impatient. Why is patience so important to relationships?
I. WHY IS PATIENCE SO IMPORTANT TO RELATIONSHIPS?
There are two reasons patience is so important to relationships.
1. Because everybody is unique.
Read with me I Corinthians 12:4-6, "There are different kinds of gifts, but
the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord.
There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in
all men." Paul is telling you and me that we are unique. If you are a
parent, then you realize this. You probably came very close to rearing your
children in the same ways. And yet, they more than likely turned out to be
completely different.
God made you to be unique. We have been discovering this in our
discipleship classes. We have discovered there are five factors that make
you different from any other human being on the earth.
1. Your Spiritual Gift. This is the unique ability that God gives
you to serve Him.
2. Your heart. We are all motivated differently.
3. Your abilities. We all have natural talents that are different
from others.
4. Your personality. We all have different personalities.
5. Your experiences. We all have different backgrounds and
experiences that have shaped our lives.
Because of the way God has shaped you, there is no one else exactly like
you.
2. Patience is important in our relationships because our distinctions cause misunderstandings.
More times than not, we can figure each other out. Read with me I
Corinthians 2:11, "Who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the
man’s spirit within him?" I am sure there are a lot of you who are
thinking, "See, I told you so. I now know why no one can understand my
spouse."
Let me ask you. Have you said anything like this in the past? "I don’t
understand the way he acts." "She doesn’t understand me." "She doesn’t make
any sense." "How can you think that way?" "My parents don’t understand me."
Can you relate to any of these? Sure you can, because we all have tough
times with each other because we are all different.
Look with me at I Thessalonians 5:14, ". . . Be patient with everyone." I
am sure some of you are thinking, "That is impossible. I can’t do it. How
can I be patient with everybody?" The reason we are impatient with others
is because we misunderstand them.
Paul tells us to be patient with everyone. We all think that is impossible.
"To dwell above with those we love, that will be glory.
To dwell below with those we know, that is another story."
How can we be patient with everyone? Remember that God does not ask us to
do something without showing us how. That is what I would like for us to
look at in the time we have remaining.
II. HOW TO BE MORE PATIENT WITH PEOPLE
1. Remember how patient God is with me.
You will never have to be more patient than God has already been with you.
Notice the verse found in I Timothy 1:16, "I was shown mercy so that in me,
the worst sinner, Christ might display his unlimited patience." If anybody
understood the patience of God, it was Paul. Paul was a murderer. He helped
murder Stephen. Paul believed that God turned him around to show His
unlimited patience.
The next time you look at your kids and wonder if they will ever grow up,
remember God wonders the same thing about you.
Look with me at Romans 15:7, "Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you." Notice the motive. The reason I must accept other people is because God has accepted me. The reason I should get along with others is because God gets along with me. Paul is telling us that the starting point of our
patience is to remember the patience God has shown us.
2. Learn to understand
Read with me Proverbs 19:11, "A man’s wisdom gives him patience." And then
read with me Proverbs 14:29, "A patient man has great understanding." If I
were you, I would circle the words "wisdom" and "understanding." Why? I
would circle them because the key to patience is understanding. The more
you understand that person, the more patient you are going to be. All
relationships are based on understanding.
One of your deepest needs is to be understood. Paul Tournier, who is a
Swiss Christian psychiatrist, says, "No one can fully develop in this world
and find a full life without feeling understood by at least one person. No
one comes to know himself through introspection or in the solitude of his
personal diary. Rather, it is in dialog with his meeting other people." We
find out who we are and what God wants us to be through relationships.
How can I better understand the people with whom I need to be patient? If I
understand them better, I will be more patient with them. How can I better
understand them? If I can understand those people who are attempting to
hurt me, who are hurting themselves as well, it will help me to be more
patient with them. Behind anger is hurt. Behind hurt, there is
misunderstanding.
How do I become more understanding of those in my life? I become more
understanding by listening to them. Turn with me to Proverbs 18:13, "He who
answers before listening, that is his folly and his shame." That is very
clear. I am sure you have heard someone say that God has given us two ears
and one mouth for a reason. You and I need to remember that it is difficult
to listen with an open mouth.
How would you rate yourself as a listener? Most of us think we are good
listeners. We may be good hearers, but that does not make us good
listeners.
A study was done to test the way people listen. One of the tests was to
send someone through the receiving line of a wedding. As they would go
through the line they would smile and say something like this, "You have
buck teeth." One lady answered the surveyor by saying, "Thank you, I think
so, too." Researchers have said that only 7% of what you mean is
communicated in words. Forty-three percent of that meaning comes from how
you say it. The remaining 50% comes from nonverbal language (facial
expressions, hand gestures or body language). What does that mean? It means
that your eyes are just as important to your listening as your ears are.
3. Make allowances for each other.
I realize that we all have bad days. I know that each one of us has our
moments. The Bible tells us about that in Ephesians 4:2, "Be completely
humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." In the
Living Bible it says, "Be patient with each other, making allowances for
each other’s faults, because of your love."
Here is another good verse found in Proverbs 12:16, ". . . a prudent man
overlooks an insult." Have you been insulted? Of course you have, let it
go. We have all had that happen to us. Listen. We are all a little crazy.
Make allowances for other people.
4. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
I know what you are thinking. "Pastor, that isn’t new. That is the golden
rule." Notice the verse found in Matthews 7:12, "So in everything, do to
others what you would have them do to you." This single verse could save
every marriage that is in trouble. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to
understand that. In your marriage relationship, if you want to be treated
with respect, then you must respect your spouse. If you want to be treated
with kindness, then treat your spouse with kindness. It only makes sense.
This isn’t new, but it is difficult to practice. But if we could practice
this, it would end most divorces in America.
In closing, read with me Philippians 2:4-5, "Each of you should look not
only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your
attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Paul is telling us to
pay attention to the needs of other people. We should look and listen to
discover what they are interested in. Let me ask you. Can you name the top
three things the people of your family are interested in? Sometimes we
become so preoccupied in ourselves that we fail to look out for other
people’s interests.
The real key of patience is found in the last part of that verse. God knows
that it is not natural for you to be patient. It takes God’s power in your
life to be patient. I promise you, this week you are going to come upon
someone who is going to act like a jerk. God tells you to treat them with
patience. How? By having the mind of Christ. How do you get that? Only with
Jesus Christ in your life can you treat people like He did. And that is the
secret of patience.
In closing, I want to read a letter that was sent to another pastor.
Dear Pastor,
God has restored a marriage and rekindled a love that was
virtually dead. God had to break, bend and finally mold me so I
would be ready when God began a work in my husband’s life. Five
years ago I sat on the last row and thought that you were surely
talking to me when you spoke of Jesus’ love, forgiveness and hope
for the despairing. As my tears quietly fell, I found God’s
loving forgiveness, and real hope in His strength. I went home
that day with my one-year-old son to a husband who worked
constantly, drank heavily and was emotionally hurting. But this
time Jesus came, too.
You will never know the strength that God gave me in the months
that followed. I wanted to run away and start over. But I stayed
and stayed and let God begin His work in changing me. I stopped
praying for God to fix my marriage and change my husband and I
started asking Him to change me. And through the pain, God
sheltered me. Two years ago God removed from my husband the desire for alcohol. And He did it overnight. This past summer I decided to get off the fence in every area of my life. I gave Him all the areas that I stubbornly held on to. I said, ‘God whatever it takes to get close to You, You do it. I am going to stay in this marriage and let You work Your will in my life.’ Three months later through God’s timing, my husband accepted Christ as his savior. Talk about a new marriage! I am married to a brand new man, one who loves God and wants his family to live according to God’s will.
You said on so many occasions that God can rekindle a dead love. Well, my husband and I are proof of God’s caring, His power, His ability to change hearts and bring to life a dead relationship. I love my husband now more than ever in my life. And for the first time, the priorities of our family are straight. God is first. God is so faithful to restore the years the locusts have eaten. He has been wonderful to us. Now, when our son prays he says, ‘Thank you, Jesus, for coming into my daddy’s heart and making him nice to me and not mean. I love my daddy.’ As a family, we now expect to grow in our relationship to Jesus and be an encouragement to other people."
That is the power of patience.
