Note: This sermon was introduced by a monologue called "Break for Commercial"
There is no commercial break. Real life isn’t scripted that way. Real life doesn’t consist of the neat little plotlines that can be resolved in a 30 minute sitcom or an hour long TV drama. And this of course is the tension between what we see on TV and real life. In the media we see seemingly impossible problems routinely solved in thirty to sixty minutes. But in real life, we see these same kinds of problems take an entire lifetime to solve.
And this is nowhere more true than it is about sex. We all know that we live in a sexually saturated culture. We’ve come a long way from Victorian America, where bathing suits covered the entire body and where a scandal was seeing a woman’s knee. In the 1950s, when a young entrepreneur named Hugh Hefner left his job at Fortune magazine to start Playboy, that opened the floodgates of pornography. Today pornography in the United States is a multibillion dollar industry. Sexually explicit images are also piped into homes through cable TV, dish networks, and the internet. According to the New York Times one out of four internet users access pornographic web sites. According to U.S. News and World Report, internet pornography usage increased by 40% from 1999 to 2000.
Yet the even more dangerous part of our sexually saturated society is the message that a person can act on their sexual impulses without any consequences. This is one of the enormous lies of our generation. Millions of people today act out every sexual whim and they wonder why their lives are falling apart.
The topic of today’s message is "Wise Up About Sex." We’re in a series called Wise Up About Life from the Bible’s book of Proverbs. So turn to Proverbs 5:1 and take out your outline.
1. A Warning (Proverbs 5:1-6)
The first six verses of the chapter give us a warning. Notice the reemphasis on wisdom in the first two verses. I defined wisdom last week as the art of skillful living. God built his wisdom into his creation. God’s wisdom is the like the wood grain in a piece of wood. Skillful living is the art of living with the grain of God’s creation rather than living against the grain.
All of chapter five talks about how to live with the grain in the area of our sexuality. Now because this chapter is a father instructing his son about wise living, the warning is about the "adulteress."
However, the principles we find here apply to all kinds of sexual temptation, not just a young man’s temptation with an extramarital affair. Had the author been writing for his daughter, he might’ve just as easily warned about the gigolo. So the "adulteress" in this chapter represents any source of sexual temptation. It could be a man or a woman. It could be the cover of a glossy magazine promising enticing pictures inside, or an email with an explicit message. It could be a romance novel or an attraction to your next door neighbor.
This chapter notes that what the temptation promises is always better than what it really delivers. Sexual temptation drips with honey. Honey is something sweet. Here honey represents words of seductive flattery that appeal to the person’s ego. Words like, "You’re special," or "You’re attractive," and "I want you" are words that drip with honey.
Sexual temptation is "smoother than oil." This is a way of saying that the source of temptation says all the right things, but that there’s really a hidden agenda. Just like pornography is more about money than it is about sex, most source of sexual temptation are really hiding a hidden agenda. Perhaps its an agenda for money. Or perhaps its an agenda for power.
But in the end, what starts as sweet as honey tastes as bitter as gall. When all is said and done, the sweetness is gone, and all that’s left is a bitter taste. Like a sharp sword slashes and cuts, in the end this temptation tears us up inside.
This is true of all sexual temptation. You see, this chapter is not blaming women for sexual temptation, but it’s using a case study to illustrate the power of sexual temptation. This case study is representative for all kinds of sexual temptation. So it could just as easily be a man tempting a woman, or the temptation of an internet chat room, or a magazine, or a romance novel, or a movie, or whatever.
So here we find the warning. THE TEMPTATION TO LIVE OUTSIDE OF GOD’S BOUNDARIES FOR SEX ALWAYS LOOKS BETTER THAN IT REALLY IS.
What looks as sweet as honey is really as bitter as arsenic. What looks as smooth as oil is really sharper than a sharpened sword. You see, sexual temptation creates an illusion, and then tries to persuade us that this illusion is real. Whether it’s the plotline of a romance novel or a seductive image that’s been airbrushed and altered, sexual temptation peddles an illusion. That’s why sexual temptation appeals to the world of fantasy.
Our problem comes when we buy the lie that the illusion is real. My first introduction to sexuality came like it did for many guys I know. I was introduced to sex through pornography. I still remember being 12 years old and buying a stack of Playboy magazines at a swap meet for a dime a piece. I kept those magazines and others until I was 18 years old. You might say Hugh Hefner was in charge of my sex education. And I bought the illusion hook, line and sinker. Once you believe the illusion, you’ll constantly struggle with reminding yourself that temptation promises something that isn’t real.
I promises something as sweet as honey, but really it’s as bitter as arsenic. I read recently about a junior high school in Oregon that faced a unique problem in the girl’s bathroom. Each day, when the girls put their lipstick on in the bathroom, they’d press their lips onto the mirror in the bathroom, leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided something had to be done, so he called the girls into the bathroom and met them there with the school custodian. He explained that the lip prints were a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was, he asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long handled brush, dipped it into the toilet, and scrubbed the mirror. Since then there haven’t been any lip prints on the mirrors.
The author of Proverbs wants us to see sexual sin for what it is, breaking out of the illusion that’s peddled by temptation.
2. The Consequences (Proverbs 5:7-14)
This brings us to the consequences of giving in to sexual temptation in vv. 7-14. This father urges his son to steer clear of sexual temptation. Don’t even go down that street, he says. This is the same principle you hear about in AA and other 12 step groups when they say, "Don’t go where it’s slippery."
Then the father lists several of the consequences his son can expect if he gives in to the temptation. Look at these consequences. Sexual sin drains our strength. Giving in to sexual sin also costs us money. Ultimately our sexual choices end up costing us far more than we ever thought at the moment. Just ask Rev. Jesse Jackson, who now pays $3,000 a month in child support because of an affair he had. It comes through blackmail at times, when a person threatens to expose a person’s sexual indiscretion.
According to v. 11 sexual sin cuts our lives short. We know that to be true more today than ever before, with the advent of AIDS and the constant emergence of new sexually transmitted diseases. The average life span for a homosexual man today is 42 years old. I have a cousin who’s in his 40s who’s dying of AIDS. He’s so weak now that he can’t even get out of bed without help.
According to vv. 12 and 13, we’ll also have regrets. We’ll come to our senses afterwards, and say, "I should’ve listened." Yet these are regrets we won’t be able to erase. Listen to the words of a man named Richard who’s story was printed in Men’s Health a few years ago:
"Cheating was the worst mistake I ever made in my life. I don’t know that we wouldn’t have gotten a divorce, but I felt really bad that I cheated on my wife. I didn’t want a divorce. I didn’t even really want to be with that woman; it just that she was telling me what I wanted to hear…It all felt fine until right after it happened. Then I just felt terrible" (Men’s Health December, 1998).
Finally, according to v. 14, we’ll experience public humiliation. The father of one of my students at the college I teach at had an affair while my student was just 13 years old. My student’s dad was the pastor of a church, and this student at the age of 13 years old watched as his father’s infidelity was made public to the entire church and his father was removed from ministry. Imagine the life changing impact of that experience on that young man.
All of these consequences are sobering. Perhaps we could sum up these consequences this way. WHEN WE STEP OUTSIDE OF GOD’S BOUNDARIES FOR SEX, WE END UP HURTING OURSELVES.
It’s been said, "We don’t break God’s laws, but they break us." That phrase means that God’s ethical imperatives aren’t arbitrary rules that God pulled out of a hat. But God gave us these ethical absolutes for our own welfare, to protect us from the kinds of consequences we read about here. God’s sexual boundaries are an expression of his love for the human race. When we reject those boundaries, we hurt ourselves.
3. The Alternative (Proverbs 5:15-19)
This brings us to the alternative. I think Christianity has gotten a bad rap on the issue of sexuality. People have thought that Christianity was anti-sex. Often the media in our country characterizes Christians as prudes, puritan fanatics who’re repressed and try to restrict everyone else’s fun. But the Bible has a very positive view of sexuality. And the alternative to sexual sin isn’t repression or pretending that our sexuality doesn’t exist.
Look at the alternative in vv. 15-19. This section is striking in its frankness and honesty. The author uses the metaphor of water to describe our own sexuality. He encourages his son to stay within the sexual boundaries of marriage. The marriage bed is likened to a well or a cistern in his yard, that place where he finds water to refresh his soul and strengthen his body.
This reflects a profoundly positive attitude toward our sexuality. Here we find God’s blessing on human sexuality. May your sexuality be blessed. God is not against human sexuality. He’s the one who created it, he’s the one who thought of it, he’s the one who wired us as sexual beings, as men and women.
Yet v. 18 also gives us the context for this blessing: marriage. Rejoice in your wife or your husband. The Bible never talks about sex without also thinking about marriage. God’s creation intention in Genesis chapters 1 and 2 are always in the backdrop of the Bible’s discussion of human sexuality. You see, God’s creation of the first man and the first woman provides the context for human sexuality.
In v. 19 Proverbs borders on erotica as it reflects on the seductive beauty of a wife to her husband. The gracefulness of a deer was a common metaphor for beauty in the ancient world. Perhaps if Proverbs was being written today, the wife would be called a "fox," but here she’s called a doe and a graceful deer. The word translated "captivated" in v. 19 usually means "intoxicated with wine." The idea is that the husband is intoxicated with his passion and desire for his wife. This is how a husband and wife feel about each other on their wedding day, when their brimming with idealism and excitement. The idea is for this erotic passion to be cultivated throughout the marriage.
So here we find the alternative for living outside of God’s sexual boundaries. WISE LIVING INVOLVES ENJOYING OUR SEXUALITY WITHIN THE COVENANT OF MARRIAGE.
God created our sexuality for us to enjoy. This is one area where there’s a big difference between what we as an evangelical Christian church believe and what the Roman Catholic church teaches. The Catholic church believes that the only purpose of human sexuality is reproduction, to have children. This is why all forms of birth control are considered a serious sin in the Roman Catholic church. However, the Protestant Reformation in the sixteenth century questioned that idea, and based on texts like this one in Proverbs, the Reformers concluded that God’s purpose for sex was also enjoyment and intimacy between a husband and a wife. You see, God didn’t make sexual activity pleasurable in order to coax us into having kids, but he designed also it to cultivate pleasure and intimacy in marriage. Reproduction is a big part of our sexuality, but it’s not the whole story.
But God also created a boundary for the enjoyment of sexuality, and that boundary is the covenant of marriage. You see, when you’re intimate with another person, you become especially vulnerable to that person. So God created a the safest possible relationship in order to protect us from being hurt deeply. God created a covenant relationship, a relationship of mutual trust and mutual commitment, a relationship that’s entered into with vows. God knows that sexual wounds are among the deepest and most profound wounds that can be inflicted on a person. Just ask someone who was molested as a child or exploited by another person. So God created a special kind of relationship to provide a safe context for sexual expression. Not that we won’t get hurt in marriage because we surely will. Since we live in a fallen and sinful creation, all of us are sexually broken to some extent or another, but marriage provides the safest context for us to enjoy our sexuality.
This means that if we express our sexuality outside of this covenant relationship we’ve gone outside the boundaries. The Bible teaches that premarital sexual expression is wrong and destructive in our lives. The Bible uses the word "fornication" to describe premarital sex. It teaches that all extramarital sexual expression is wrong and destructive in our lives. The Bible uses the word adultery to describe extramarital sex. The Bible also teaches that all same sex sexual expression is wrong and destructive. The Bible uses the word homosexuality to describe same sex activity.
(Note: On the issue of homosexuality, the focus of the Bible is on the behavior, not on the orientation or the temptation. Moreover, the Bible doesn’t condemn homosexual activity because it’s gross or because its worse than other sins, but it condemns it because it short circuits God’s creation intention in marriage. But it’s important for Christians to realize that it’s not the temptation that’s wrong, but it’s the behavior itself that the Bible condemns).
God created marriage between a husband and a wife as the creation context for people to enjoy their sexuality.
Now I know that not every person gets married. I don’t mean to suggest here that single people live less fulfilling lives. It’s ironic that in the past the Christian church exalted the single lifestyle and treated married people as second class Christians. But in the church today it’s often the opposite, with marriage being treated as the normal Christian life, and the single lifestyle as treated as somehow abnormal or undesirable. Certainly God calls some people to a single life, just as Jesus lived a single life. God blesses people who make the difficult choice to remain single and celibate, but he does restrict the expression of our sexuality within the context of marriage.
So the alternative to sexual sin is enjoying our sexuality within the context of marriage.
4. A Reality Check (Proverbs 5:20-23)
Finally, we come to a reality check in vv. 20-23. We’re reminded here that everything we do is observed by God. Nothing escapes his gaze. We may think we’ve covered our tracks, but God sees it all.
We’re also warned here that our choices have the potential of ensnaring us for the rest of our lives. Like a mouse caught in a trap, venturing outside of God’s boundaries is dangerous. We find ourselves tied to our sinful behavior.
This ensnaring takes all kinds of forms. It can take the form of a life of regret, as someone who steps outside of God’s boundaries for their sexuality destroys all of his or her relationships. I have a friend who was separated from his wife for a period of time. During their separation my friend was active sexually with another person, and in the process he contracted as sexually transmitted disease. Shortly thereafter he reconciled with his wife, and gave her the disease. Guess what happened to that marriage after she found out what happened? He desperately wanted to reconcile with his spouse, but his choice destroyed any possibility of reconciliation.
This ensnaring can take the form of a pregnancy, which changes your life forever, as we saw in the drama.
It can take the form of sexual addiction. It’s absolutely amazing how many men and women are addicted to pornography. Many live a double life. Yet usually this addiction doesn’t stop at pornography, but untreated, it leads to more and more self-destructive behaviors. It leads to online relationships, prostitution, and so forth. One of my best friends in seminary lost his ministry because of a sexual addiction that raged out of control in his life. Those of us who were exposed to pornography early on in our development always have to be on guard against this. This is why each month when I meet with my accountability group we ask each other if we’ve exposed ourselves to any sexually explicit material.
So this snare can take many different forms. The point of these final verses seems to be this. OUR CHOICES DETERMINE OUR DESTINY.
Our choices in life reflect the road we’ve chosen, and the further we go down that road, the more difficult it is to change to a different road. I sometimes meet people in their 60s or 70s who’ve lived an entire lifetime outside of God’s boundaries for their sexuality. They almost always die alone, with few people really caring about them anymore. It’s a tragic way to die.
Conclusion
God wants us to wise up about our sexuality. He warns us about the lure of sexual temptation, he wants us to truly understand the destructive consequences of giving into that temptation, he wants us to enjoy the alternative in the context of marriage, and he wants us to make wise choices because he knows our choices determine our destiny. This wisdom is against the grain of our society today, but it’s with the grain of God’s creation.
Now the one thing the book of Proverbs doesn’t really grapple with is what to do if you’ve already started down this path. Proverbs shows us the path outside of God’s boundaries for what it really is. But what Proverbs doesn’t talk about is how to get off that self-destructive path. The rest of the Bible, especially the New Testament and Jesus, emphasizes the power of God to take people who have chosen the pathway of self-destruction to change their direction. Jesus consistently sought out the men and women who were living outside the boundaries of sexual activity to demonstrate the power of his good news to change them. In the Bible we find those engaged in premarital sex, those cheating on their spouses, people engaged in same sex activity, and even prostitutes transformed by Christ.
If you’re here today and you’ve made choices that have taken you down the path of self-destruction, it’s never too late to call on Jesus for help. Not that God will erase the consequences of your choices. If you’ve contracted a disease, God’s probably not going to heal that disease. If you’ve cheated on your spouse, calling on Christ won’t automatically restore trust and heal the marriage. But calling on Christ can put you back on the right path, back on the pathway of wisdom that lives with the grain of God’s world.
No matter how far you’ve strayed off the path of God’s wisdom, it’s never too late to wise up about sex.
