Extreme Fatherhood
Dr. Marty Baker / June 16, 2002
Video Clip of Extreme Sports
Television is full of commercials promoting some soft drink, SUV or dandruff shampoo using images of sports. Gusto-filled 20-somethings are seen jumping off cliffs wearing nothing more than shorts, T-shirt and a parachute. Others ride mountain bikes at breakneck speeds over rocky terrain or snow board down mountains of new fallen snow.
The message is clear: These young men are living life to the fullest. They are connected to the pulse of being alive. However, these young daredevils only fool themselves, for they have not come close to pushing the envelope of the extreme.
You see, I believe that there is an even greater adrenaline rush than extreme sports. I believe that there is something more daring than death-defying stunts. In fact, I’ve discovered where you can find life on the edge, a life filled with tremendous excitement. Where? At home. Raising a family is an adventure. It is challenging. It is stretching. It is exhausting.
Imagine this, you have to hold down a job and keep the bills paid. You have to develop and protect the little human beings entrusted to you and at the same time nurture a marriage by making yourself vulnerable and open before another person, day in and day out. It can really take you to the limit. But, the payoff is worth it.
It is intoxicating, yet sobering. Confining, yet freeing. Demanding, yet rewarding. Fulfilling, yet depleting. Dangerous, yet safe. Unsettling, yet comforting. Guys, we are men engaged in the ultimate extreme sport and that is, fatherhood.1
Over the past fifty years, the face of fatherhood in America has changed dramatically. The expectations for fathers have shifted.
In the 50’s and 60’s, men were considered good dads if they were breadwinners and disciplinarians.
In the 70’s, involved fathers participated in their child’s birth and helped shoulder domestic chores.
In the 80’s, earnest fathers began to get in touch with their feelings and the feelings of their kids.
In the 90’s, fathers were expected to balance work and family, while their roles became more diverse and challenging: stay-at-homes dads, step-dads, single custodial care taking fathers, surrogate fathers and more.
What will be said of fathers in this millennium? What does an extreme dad look like? When I describe fatherhood with the word extreme, I am describing a person who believes in taking his position seriously. An extreme father is willing to expend great energy in being the best dad that he can be. Let’s talk about it.
The Bible gives us several pictures of extreme fathers. From these snapshots we are able to clear our vision and see what we can become. When I think about an extreme father, I think about a provider.
A Look at Extreme Fathers ...
1. An extreme Father is a provider.
God has placed in each physically-capable man the responsibility to provide for his family. In the beginning, God placed Adam in the garden and instructed him to take care of it. There is something glorious about meaningful, God-honoring work. Work provides us with a sense of dignity and a sense of reward.
The Bible explains that
1 Timothy 5:8
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
In another verse, the Bible states that if a man does not work, he should not eat.
Dads should never feel guilty about going to work. If we never come home from work, then we should feel guilty. While doing our jobs and drawing our paychecks, we should feel proud that we are faithfully meeting the needs of our children and fulfilling our roles as fathers.2
Our work enters into the danger zone, when we allow it to become our top priority. My Dad was a worker. At one time, he worked full-time in the mill, held a seat on the city council, was the janitor at the church and the bar tender at the Moose Club. Of course, when the church found out about the Moose Club job, they found a new janitor.
I never felt neglected by my Dad. He worked hard, but he was involved in my life. Dads, don’t feel guilty about going to work, but if you never come home from work, then there may be a problem.
Extreme Fathers work hard, but they also take on the role of the protector.
2. An extreme Father is a protector
The Bible gives us a picture of God as an extreme protector.
2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.
Just as God protects his children, we, as dads, must provide protection for our own. This past Thursday, Stevens Creek hosted a Pastor’s Conference sponsored by Focus on the Family. Noted author H. B. London led the sessions along with Tom Minnery. In one of the sessions, they shared a video clip that speaks to the concept of fathers as protectors of their families. Look to the side screens.
A true father understands the evils of the world and seeks to guard and protect his children. Dads, we need to be aware of what is really going on in our community. We cannot live with our heads in the sand, but must keep our eyes open to the dangers that surround us.
If we are going to protect our children, then we must ask the right questions. We need to be concerned enough to know what’s going on in their lives. A true father stands between his children and evil. I realize that once the teenager becomes an adult we cannot stop their behavior, but we can stand in the gap in prayer.
If you think your children are connecting with the wrong friends, it’s time to pray. There is power in prayer. Build a spiritual hedge of protection around your children in prayer.
Not only should we seek to protect our children from the things on the outside, but also those thoughts and feelings on the inside. As father’s we need to protect their feelings. Providing emotional protection is crucial. Although children may seem confident, they want to know their dad is there for them. No kid is too old for that assurance, that feeling of safety.
What kind of words are you using when you talk to your children? Do you build up or do you tear down? Are you an encourager? Do you find yourself using demeaning words like stupid, lazy, good for nothing. If so, let me ask you: Why do you do that? Words have power. In fact, the Old Testament book of Proverbs states:
Proverbs 18:21
The tongue has the power of life and death ...
It’s time to use your words to encourage life. Lift your children up. The people in the world specialize in tearing people down. Our home should be a place where we protect them, encourage and strengthen them
Paul, a man who wrote several books in the New Testament, encouraged the Fathers who attended the church in Ephesus with these words:
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Not only are extreme fathers protectors, but they are teachers.
3. An extreme Father is a teacher
Dads are expected to know things. (humorous stories)
The most important thing that you need to know is your child. You need to know when your child has had a difficult day and when your child is upset about something. You need to know the names of your child’s best friend. What motivates your child? What embarrasses your child?
Why is this important? You need to know your child so that you can help create the conditions under which your child can best blossom and prosper. Also, you will be able to recognize when your child needs your guidance and intervention.
4. An extreme Father is a friend
One day you will transition from being the sole authority figure in your child’s life into a supportive, care-giving, friendship role.
As a friend,
You will be there when they need you.
You will help keep them on track.
We all need someone to do a "reality check" on us occasionally to make sure we are not kidding ourselves. Fathers must help their children understand and define reality.
Our children need help, but men need help too. We want to help you become a better man. When you leave the auditorium this morning, you will be given some material to help you develop into the person that God has designed you to be. In addition to that, I encourage you to join the "Real Life Seminars for Men" that are held monthly. Why is this important?
5. An extreme Father is a leader.
There is a leadership vacuum in our world. We need men to step to the plate and lead our families. Bill Hybels in his book Honest to God reminds us that "nannies, baby-sitters, relatives, and day-care workers will never give an ultimate account to God for how they raise your children. You will give that account."3
Fathers it is time to realize that someone has to lead your family and I believe that it should be you. If you are not the leader of your home, then it is time for a nonviolent coup. You don’t need tanks or artillery, neither do you need a bullhorn to call your kids on the carpet. Just lead. Take over quickly, lovingly and decisively. Point the direction. Show them the way. Lead by example.
Just this past week I read an account of a thirteen year old boy who saved his brother’s life by driving him to a hospital in his father’s car. Never having driven before, his explanation was simple: "I just did what I saw my father do."4
Dad, where are you headed? You have children who are looking to you for guidance and spiritual direction. Are you providing a model for them to follow?
"I just did what I saw my father do." If your children are doing what they see you do, will they live God honoring lives?
Closing Prayer
Pray for parents who made mistakes in their child rearing.
1 Glenn T. Stanton, Fatherhood: Living Life on the Edge!, focusonthefamily.com/pplace/newparent/a0016334.cfm
2 Ken R. Canfield, Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers (Wheaton, Ill.: Tydale House Publishers, 1992), p. 108.
3 Bill Hybels, Honest to God (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan Publishers, 1990), p. 87.
4 Ruth Calkin, "Lord, It Keeps Happening and Happening (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House Publishers, 1984), p.84.
